Chapter 21
It was a calm, summer night. Crickets chirped; fireflies buzzed. The soft wind danced through the moonlit fields as my family and I fell into a deep sleep.
I was ever so close to some nice sleep, until something struck my curiosity. A quiet click echoed in the hot, humid air. Then a ch-chick. Before I knew, a loud BAM slashed through the night like a knight's stunning blade. All silence was lost in the never ending land. I stayed frozen in shock. My heart raced so fast; I felt as if my chest would rip open. Could that really be? If so, why so late at night? Why here!
I lunged my numb body out of bed and walked through the narrow halls. There was abrupt commotion outside. Reaching my parents bedroom was never such a difficult task. Screams echoing through the air and in my head. Trying my best to focus, I finally reached my parents room. I could hear my parents footsteps from behind the door. I reached out with my weary hand and pulled the door open.
My mother turned to me. “Marriyum? Is that you?” Her face was filled with indescribable fear.
“Yes mother, it's Marriyum,” I revealed as my voice trembled. I took a small step through the doorway. My father's head was peeking out the window. He stared into my eyes.
“We must leave… now,” he said calmly, walking away from the window. How can he be so calm at a time like this? I thought. He quickly looked around. Then looked behind me. “Where is Genana?” he asked, concerningly.
Oh no! “I need to go get her!” I panicked. I bolted through the narrow halls. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize my mother was shouting. It was until I saw the man in all black attire, right in front of me.
He carried a gun so intimidating; just the sight of it would be enough to kill you. Although, it wasn’t just his gun. Everything about him was intimidating. From his long black boots, to his shiny leather cap. Even his slim, dainty mustache. The word Nazi ran wild in my head. Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Over and over. You could almost see the fear coming off me. I stumbled backwards in alarm. THUD!
“Aghhh!” I screeched. Pain flowed throughout my body, paralyzing me. A vicious pounding vibrated throughout my skull. My eyes started to water, but I held back. He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers.
“Pathetic Jew,” he laughed.
I awoke on a compact train with many other passengers. There were no seats, so everyone was sprawled out on the cold, metal floors. No windows either, only a tall door leading to the next cart of the train. The walls were bare with the same dull grey metal as the floors. On top of the floors and walls, nail marks and scratches gave off an unpleasant feel.
Everyone else on the train also seemed as drained as I did. Children sobbing as their parents put all their efforts into calming them down. Their faces said it all; they went through what I went through. Suddenly, I remembered something. Jolting into an upright position, My family! I thought, as my head throbbed. “Agh, darn it” I murmured. I nervously looked around, hoping to see at least one of my parents, or maybe my sister. Nobody. I let out a small sigh. I wanted to cry even more now. But I was too weak, too tired to even cry. All I had left was an empty, hopeless feeling.
The train came to an uneasy halt. I steadily opened my sore, red eyes. As I waited for them to regain focus, I heard a man shouting throughout the train: “Everyone off now!” The door was hastily pulled open in order to get the many who were aboard out swiftly. “Everyone off now!” he repeated. Everyone flooded outside, pushing and trampling anyone in their way. With my head injured, it was difficult to do something as simple as standing. It wasn’t any better outside, in fact there seemed to be even more people.
As I exited outside I was greeted by black, cloudy skies. I carefully scanned the area. Sharp wire fencing surrounded the territory. Within those fences was multiple worn down buildings, all of them made of the same muted brick. Armed men guarded every side and every corner. I looked up at the sad skies again. This is it, the ghettos we all feared.
-Rachel Drozdyk
I think the C.I is fear can do crazy things, the line is, "I screeched. pain flowed trough My body, paralyzing me." because this character is being attacked by a nazi and is fearing for her life.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading I loved how much figurative language you used so I could really know the story and feel immersed. One that stuck out in particular was, "It was a calm, summer night. Crickets chirped; fireflies buzzed. The soft wind danced through the moonlit fields as my family and I fell into a deep sleep." I could understand the calm feeling of the setting. "Before I knew, a loud BAM slashed through the night like a knight's stunning blade." I think central idea is when the worst can happen it will. In the story it was a nice quiet night when they got taken away from their family, friends and their homes.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you describe the surrounding instead of just telling us it was bad. Like on the train "On top of the floors and walls, nail marks and scratches gave off an unpleasant feel."
ReplyDeleteI loved how many parts were very easy to picture, "Pain flowed throughout my body, paralyzing me. A vicious pounding vibrated throughout my skull. My eyes started to water, but I held back. He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers." I really liked this part because it shows emotion in it too.
ReplyDeleteI think that it was really great how you constantly let us know where we were by describing the setting like when you said, "There were no seats, so everyone was sprawled out on the cold, metal floors. No windows either, only a tall door leading to the next cart of the train. The walls were bare with the same dull grey metal as the floors. On top of the floors and walls, nail marks and scratches gave off an unpleasant feel." I also enjoyed how at first you gave us that sense of calm where it said, "It was a calm, summer night. Crickets chirped; fireflies buzzed. The soft wind danced through the moonlit fields as my family and I fell into a deep sleep." You also used figurative language in that quote when describing how calm the night was.
ReplyDeleteI really loved the figurative language you used in this story, including,"He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers." This really shows me how intimidating the man truly was. I also loved the sensory language you used to describe the children on the train, saying,"Everyone else on the train also seemed as drained as I did," and saying,"Children sobbing," really helps us understand the story better. The central idea was bravery, and the quote,"Screams echoing through the air and in my head. Trying my best to focus, I finally reached my parents room." supports this because she knew she was in danger, but she went on down the hallway anyway. And saying,"NAZI, NAZI, NAZI!" help bring an illusion and make the story feel more realistic. Overall a great story.
ReplyDeleteYou really brought the feeling of the event to life. The line, "A vicious pounding vibrated throughout my skull. My eyes started to water, but I held back. He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers." Was really helpful in bringing emotion into the story. Lines like that make me want to keep reading to know what happens to the character. I also liked how you use the weather to portray the feeling at the end of the story, " I was greeted by black, cloudy skies."
ReplyDeleteThis story is really good especially because of the figurative language like,"He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers." this makes me realize how intimidating the man actually is. also the part where you say "children sobbing" makes the story easier to understand and makes the whole experience of it better.
ReplyDeleteAmazing story! I really loved how you used sensory language to bring the story to life. Like when you said, "He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers." I could really imagine his eyes in that scene, and combined with the detail of his character made him immensely intimidting. I think the C.I. of this story is to live in the moment. I thought this when you said, "It was a calm, summer night. Crickets chirped; fireflies buzzed. The soft wind danced through the moonlit fields as my family and I fell into a deep sleep."
ReplyDelete"I was ever so close to some nice sleep, until something struck my curiosity. A quiet click echoed in the hot, humid air. Then a ch-chick. Before I knew, a loud BAM slashed through the night like a knight's stunning blade." When the main character starts saying this, it makes me think that she was enjoying the night, when suddenly everything changed. That gets me to think that she lived in the moment, and now the good times are gone. I really think the story came to life when the Nazi soldier entered the house. The way you described all his feature, from his clothes to the way he speaks. I really felt like that described what it was like, and didn't just say he was scary.
I think you used some really good figurative language here, “I lunged my numb body out of bed and walked through the narrow halls.” When you described this, I could really visualize.
ReplyDeleteWhat I think the central idea is about is that if you are a different religion than other people there's always people that will hate your religion. I think the author is implying that people will hate your religion and will have to deal with it either causing them to do something so unnecessary for no reason. I can apply this to the world today in the US having a huge problem with this with people thinking of the wrong thing to a different race or a religion. Right now we are having Black lives matter protest and stop Asian hate protests and that's good thing for people to be more social with other races and religions. "My eyes started to water, but I held back. He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers.
ReplyDelete“Pathetic Jew,” he laughed." Excellent story talking about a problem in today's standards.
I love the how you put history in your story. I think your story come to life when you when you use, "The Nazi entered the house." So I think that when it set the scene I and can feel the sense of pain.
ReplyDeleteThe main conflict was that the Nazis were in her family's house . the lesson that the author is trying to tell us might be to be careful of what you are doing. "My heart raced so fast; I felt as if my chest would rip open. Could that really be? If so, why so late at night? Why here!" I picked this for the quote because she felt scared and then she ran to her mom and dads room and then she forgot her sister and then she got hit in the head.
ReplyDeleteI like how you described the surroundings. For example, "Crickets chirped; fireflies buzzed. The soft wind danced through the moonlit fields." "Or The walls were bare with the same dull grey metal as the floors. On top of the floors and walls, nail marks and scratches gave off an unpleasant feel." I picked these because they explain the surroundings really well and that makes it interesting.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the line, "“Aghhh!” I screeched. Pain flowed throughout my body, paralyzing me. A vicious pounding vibrated throughout my skull. My eyes started to water, but I held back. He glared down at me, his eyes like daggers." This great use of figurative language made me invision everything that was going on there precisely and it felt exactly like what probably happened.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job using figurative language, like in your very first paragraph " It was a calm, summer night. Crickets chirped; fireflies buzzed. The soft wind danced through the moonlit fields as my family and I fell into a deep sleep." The illusion is the story was the Nazis and the Holocaust "The word Nazi ran wild in my head. Nazi, Nazi, Nazi! Over and over."
ReplyDelete