Bullets flew
around me, narrowly missing my head. I turned and spotted the two remaining
players. I looked over at Jai, saying, “The last two are this way!” I snuck up
on one of the players. I shot him in the back, and his loot flew out
everywhere. The last player jumped down the waterfall, attempting to escape. I
jumped down after him, using my favorite weapon to secure the kill. A bright
blue banner flashed across the screen. Jai and I had won. Everybody has a
special skill, talent, or hobby. Mine is video gaming.
One moment that
had really stuck out to me was my first ever Fortnite victory. It was during a
limited-time game mode a good year and a half ago. Season nine: the season of
the future, and the new John Wick. In the game mode, you had to eliminate
players for coins. Toward the end of the game I was eliminated, but I stayed
because I had faith in my teammates. The teammate I was watching killed the
last man and clutched the victory. I congratulated him on the win and left the
game to claim my rewards.
When I returned to
the lobby screen, I saw the victory umbrellas. A pitch-black one with scraped
sides. A blue oldish one, and a golden camo umbrella. In the next game, I
joined, and I showed off the umbrella after dropping off the blue battle bus.
An idea that I
have has to do with the Fortnite Cash Cups. First off, a Cash Cup is almost
exactly what it sounds like, competitive Fortnite for money. My idea is to use
that money that you get and donate it to charities and places like the food
pantry. A lot of families need that money a lot more than you do.
Overall, I think that this is a
very important and fun skill to have. We could win money and use it to help
kids and families in need. People could donate to multiple charities and the
food pantry. I think that all video game players that play cash cups or win
money at all should donate their money to charities and the food pantry.
-Dylan
I like how you started your essay with a descriptive, sensory-language, scene. It gets readers engaged immediately! I love your message about being selfless and donating prize money to people in need. This includes, "A lot of families need that money a lot more than you do." This helps readers reflect on their own life, and contrast it to others'!
ReplyDeleteYou had a great idea with using your skills that are fun to help others. I think that was your central idea. It reminded me how there is so may ways to help out others, some ways could even be fun! I think I should try to find ways to do that too."I think that all video game players that play cash cups or win money at all should donate their money to charities and the food pantry."
ReplyDeleteI liked how you gave lots of detail about your games. This was a great way to show others that there is other ways you can help people out.
I like how you conveyed the idea of helping other people that are in need."We could win money and use it to help kids and families in need" was a great way to show this. I also think that you did a great job at engaging readers with the very descriptive introduction; with sentences like "Bullets flew around me, narrowly missing my head. I turned and spotted the two remaining players."
ReplyDeleteI liked how you explained the game but with a lot of detail. I liked how the central idea of gaming was portrayed but then you talked about explaining how you could donate the money. I liked how you shared your experiences and why you like it and how it could come in handy. I liked how you kept me wanting to keep reading with saying "I snuck up on one of the players. I shot him in the back, and his loot flew out everywhere." I understood by then what the game was but you explained it without just saying the game right at the start.
ReplyDeleteI love your lesson that you want to donate to charity and help people in need and help influence other people to do the same I got this from reading the conclusion "We could win money and use it to help kids and families in need. People could donate to multiple charities and the food pantry. I think that all video game players that play cash cups or win money at all should donate their money to charities and the food pantry." I like how you immediately started with a story rather than starting with I like fortnight or I play video games.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of donating money to help other people and I think that that's the lesson in the story. My favorite part of the story is near the end of the introduction because it really started to help the reader understand what was happening in the story."I shot him in the back, and his loot flew out everywhere. The last player jumped down the waterfall, attempting to escape. I jumped down after him, using my favorite weapon to secure the kill. A bright blue banner flashed across the screen. Jai and I had won."
ReplyDeleteI really like the concept, and the central idea of the story. Donating money to food pantries is a very good thing do do, especially using your talent of gaming to do so. I also like the descriptive line "I jumped down after him, securing the kill with my favorite weapon". I am also a Fortnite player, and this is a very accurate perspective of what it would be like. Overall, really nice job!
ReplyDeleteI think that the main idea was that people can use their special skills, talents, or hobbies to help people. I like how you wrote your ideas of how people can kelp with things like charity. In your story you wrote about that saying, "We could win money and use it to help kids and families in need. People could donate to multiple charities and the food pantry. I think that all video game players that play cash cups or win money at all should donate their money to charities and the food pantry." In the end good job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you tied in your favorite hobby with helping others. I think that your central idea was kindness, when you said "I think that all video game players that play cash cups or win money at all should donate their money to charities and the food pantry." it showed that you would help others with something that you could take for yourself.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you were talking about fortnite that's what kept me reading it. I think the central ides was kindness, When you said he was rasing money to help kids and family. good job over all..
ReplyDeleteI liked how you tried helping others with money form video games. That's very nice. I also play Fortnite. I loved how you said that "We could win money and use it to help kids and families in need" That warmed my heart.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your piece because I am to a huge gamer. I really like playing games because it is sort of a stress reliever. I to have competed in multiple cash cups for several different games. I also liked your descriptive language. my favorite line was when you wrote" I think all video game players that win money or play cash cups at all should donate their money to charities and the food pantry."
ReplyDeleteI could relate to your writing piece because I play shooter games like this on Roblox, like Arsenal. I liked how you explained how you played to game, to make people who haven't played a game like Fortnite, and it could teach them to do good things "The last player jumped down the waterfall, attempting to escape. I jumped down after him, using my favorite weapon to secure the kill." I also liked how you detailed how you won your first Fortnite Win.
ReplyDeleteYou describing how fortnite was really helpful because i have never even watched someone play fortnite. I believe that your central idea is video gaming is helpful i got this when you explained the cash cups and your idea
ReplyDeleteI think the the central is that you can use your skills to help people in need. I wouldn't have thought that playing video games can help people in need, but this reminded me that there are always ways to help others. I really liked the intro, it was very engaging and definitely made me want to keep reading, "Bullets flew around me, narrowly missing my head. I turned and spotted the two remaining players."
ReplyDeleteI loved the way you found a postive in fortnite. I think your central idea was a great example of how you could use something your passonite about to help other people. I liked when you said, "We could win money and use it to help kids and families in need. People could donate to multiple charities and the food pantry." it showed your compassion for others.
ReplyDeleteI think the central idea is you can turn your hobbies into a way that can help others. I learned a lot in this story. I didn't know that you could earn different types of umbrellas. I like when you said ¨My idea is to use that money that you get and donate it to charities and places like the food pantry¨ because this proves that anything small could have a positive affect on someone you don't know.
ReplyDelete"Everybody has a special skill, talent, or hobby. Mine is video gaming." I can relate to this because I play video games and that is also my favorite hobby. Another way I can relate is that I also play fortnite. "A bright blue banner flashed across the screen.¨when I first got my win I was so happy. I like how you listed the diffrent things gamers should do. Overall I think this is a great article.
ReplyDeleteOne of the central ideas is to never lose hope. Because there will always be a possibility you will get your way. "But I stayed because I had faith in my teammates." I also liked how you described the umbrellas with detail, I could picture them easily inside my head.
ReplyDeleteI liked the way in the beginning of you winning your first ltm game of fortnite. "A bright blue banner flashed across the screen. Jai and I had won." This really brought me back to the first time I had one my first game in fortnite. And the detail you give to describe on what is happening in your game is also incredible.
ReplyDeleteI think the main idea of the story is to not give up. I really like the way you described everything.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's been years sense I've played video games, I think it's great that you play for money to donate. I liked "I showed off the umbrella after dropping off the blue battle bus." It told me that you are happy with your accomplishments.
ReplyDeleteDylan!! I truly loved the way you described what it was like to do your hobby. I also really when you said "I lived my life for 11 years not realizing there was a missing puzzle piece."This really brought out what it was like without kayaking! Great job!!
ReplyDelete"A bright blue banner flashed across the screen.¨I loved the detail in the beginning because as a gamer I can really connect and the enjoyment of your first win will last a lifetime, and I could really see that it had the same effect on you. Once you said bright blue banner I knew exactly what game you were talking about and the excitement that comes with it.
ReplyDelete