My fingers ran up
the piano. The notes slid under my fingers. My brain was calm and still. As my
eyes checked my fingers, the music flooded out of the piano like a roaring
ocean. I have played the piano for three years, and it gives me bliss. I have been
in two recitals. The first one was very exciting, but it made me anxious;
however, it made me better at performing in front of an audience.
A fresh gust of
summer air swept over my face. It was the day. The day of my first piano
recital. I felt excited, and my stomach felt like a million tiny bugs were
crawling in it. I was very nervous. My song echoed in my head. The song I had
been practicing with for weeks. “Lavender's Blue” was the song, so the high
notes danced around my head as I thought about it. But it was no time for
worrying. We were about to step into the building. I looked around me and
realized that this was it.
I walked into the
room where all the kids were practicing their instruments. I thought that it
was very cool. The bugs in my stomach were still in there, but I was trying to
think of different things. I headed straight for the piano and practiced my
song. The notes were amazing. Then I thought of playing on the stage and all
those people looking at me. My stomach felt weird, and my mouth dried up, but I
was still happy about being able to do this.
I tried super hard to focus on the piano, but the thoughts were still
spinning in my head.
It was about to be
my turn to play the piano; I thought I had memorized my song. Kids had left the
room and were walking onto the stage. I
had the song in my head, and I knew it. If I was okay with my song then why had
I been so worried? But playing the piano
had always made me happy, and now I was so worried. I had been thinking more
and more about my song. But before I could think of my song twice it happened.
“Emma. come; it is
your turn,” A lady said. It was about to happen. I was walking to the
door. My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt. I walked to the stage.
Soon I went on to the stage. The lights shined on to my face; the stage was
very bright. The audience was dark. I could kind-of see my parents and family.
I felt excited. I walked to the piano; I still was shaking. I played my song
and the notes flew out of the piano. I had played my song and I had only made
one mistake. A humongous weight was lifted from me. I was so relieved and
cherry.
I am happy I did
this. It was good for me to do something that had been different. I like
playing the piano because it gives me joy. It also helps me to get over my
fears. I want to continue to play the piano because it gives me joy and it helps me, and I would
want it to help others to do things that
are outside of their comfort zones.
-Emma
The central idea is great advice for readers. Stepping out of comfort zones is something many fail to do. I think that your experience in front of an audience is a great example. I love the use of figurative language in the introduction. It kept me engaged. I also love how you kept describing your emotions throughout the story, it made me feel like I was really there.
ReplyDelete"A humongous weight was lifted from me. I was so relieved and cherry.". This line shows the purpose of your advice, and the reward of stepping out of your comfort zone.
Great job Emma! I loved the way that you worded this, it made me feel like I was there. "My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt." this quote was super detailed and it was very well worded. I can relate to this because me and my sister had to sing in front of a lot of people and I felt the same way. just the way that you worded everything made my engaged and I loved your story!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you explained the excitement and nerves you were feeling all at once ¨The bugs in my stomach were still in there, but I was trying to think of different things.¨ is a really engaging way to explain how you felt. i think a lot of people can relate to how you felt including me. I loved the Story!!
ReplyDeleteI really like how you used sensory language to describe what you were seeing when you walked up onto the stage. "A humongous weight was lifted from me." I really like that quote because it really supports your central idea, and it shows that after you step out of your comfort zone you find out that it wasn't as terrifying as you thought it'd be.
ReplyDeleteI like how you put us in your head when you said "If I was okay with my song then why had I been so worried?" I tend to feel like i'm not prepared if I get nervous
ReplyDeleteI think that the message is to do things that are out of your comfort zone so that you can improve. I try to get out of my comfort zone, but it is very nerve wracking. I really liked how you used a lot of sensory language, especially when you were describing the music and piano. One of my favorite quotes was, "As my eyes checked my fingers, the music flooded out of the piano like a roaring ocean." That line does a great job describing the piano.
ReplyDelete" My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt" this quote made this piece amazing. I like how it is super detailed and I can relate to this because I used to dance and every time I felt like that because of how anxious I was. Overall Great Job!
ReplyDeleteEmma, this is an amazing story! The line, "I walked to the piano; I still was shaking." reminded me of how I felt during the piano recitals I've been in. I think you really captured what it feels like to play piano at a recital or other event, and just how scary yet exciting it is. The writing was super detailed! You did a great job.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part about this piece was the detail you used to describe your emotions. When you said "If I was okay with my song then why had I been so worried?" and " My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt." I could really relate to all the times i've gone to recitals and have been nervous. I think the central idea was overcoming fear.Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat story Emma! I really liked when you used sensory language in in this piece to describe how you were feeling " I felt excited, and my stomach felt like a million tiny bugs were crawling in it". I can really connect to this when we play in volleyball.
ReplyDeleteI loved hearing about how playing the piano makes you feel. I also feel really happy when I play the piano. The song I had been practicing with for weeks "Lavender's Blue" was the song, so the high notes danced around my head as I thought about it."
ReplyDeleteI like hearing the name of the song and the way you described the notes.
I think the main idea was that your comfort zone is a wonderfull place in your mind and you can improve on how it feels. I like when she said "My fingers ran up the piano. The notes slid under my fingers. My brain was calm and still." I think this meant that she felt at home or where she is calm"
ReplyDeleteI really like how you said "My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt". This made me really engage to how you were feeling. It made me relate to my first gymnastics meet and the way I felt when I had to do a routine a a lot of people.
ReplyDeleteI play trombone and I was always nervous, but one thing I did was I would smile and fake it till I would make it to show that I was not scared. I like how you were very discriptive of how you were feeling ¨ my stomach felt weird, and my mouth dried up, but I was still happy about being able to do this¨.
ReplyDeleteI like how how your opinion on the piano sells us and convinces us that you really like it. For example, quotes like,"And it gives me bliss," and,"I like playing the piano because it gives me joy," really convince us that you have a real passion for the piano. I also really liked how the quotes,"And my stomach felt like a million bugs were crawling in it," and,"My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt," really sell us on the fact that you were very nervous for your recital.
ReplyDeleteThe central Idea is that doing what you love is scary but worth it. " My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt." This shows how nervos she was but she knew she could do it. I also liked how much detail she used and I could picture everything in my mind.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this so much! Every 3 months before covid I had a taekwondo test where they would test all my forms, my kicks, punches and more. Before I went in I would be terrified. Filled with anxiety worrying that I would forget my forms, even though I practiced it 1000 times. "I had the song in my head, and I knew it. If I was okay with my song then why had I been so worried?" This sentence is just like how I used to feel. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteI remember that once I had to go say a speech in front of a ton of people. I like how you used a ton of details to describe how you felt. For example,"My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt."
ReplyDeleteI love how you worded your writing it kept me very engaged and all the details made me feel like I was right there in your head with you.When you wrote ¨I like playing the piano because it gives me joy. It also helps me to get over my fears.¨ It reminded me of times when I get anxious and getting over that anxiety by doing activiys I really enjoy.
ReplyDeleteGreat story Emma! I really liked how you explained in detail how you were feeling when it was almost your recital time."I felt excited, and my stomach felt like a million tiny bugs were crawling in it." I can really imagine what your feeling at this moment. I also loved your conclusion. Your totally right sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Emma. I really enjoyed how in the story I felt like I was there and your intro really hooked me. I think the central idea of the story was how you can get over your fears when you're doing something that makes you happy, and I I like that you explained how you were feeling. “I felt excited, and my stomach felt like a million tiny bugs were crawling in it.” This was how you showed emotion in your story and I think it was great writing.
ReplyDeleteI used to play the piano and I can relate to some things. I remember making mistakes during a performance. "I had played my song and I had only made one mistake. A humongous weight was lifted from me." I liked the descriptive language you used when you wrote about the recital.
ReplyDeleteThe way you described your fear and excitement before performing was fantastic. When you said "I felt excited, and my stomach felt like a million tiny bugs were crawling in it. I was very nervous." Really describe the feeling of being nervous and excited. I think the main idea of your story was to step out of your comfort zone and do things that may cause you nerves. Great story Emma.
ReplyDeleteI loved the way you said " I tried super hard to focus on the piano, but the thoughts were still spinning in my head" I could really connect to that considering im a goalie and theres a lot of pressure on me. I think the main idea of the story is that you cant let your fears ruin things you love.
ReplyDeleteGreat writing piece. Your hook, "As my eyes checked my fingers, the music flooded out of the piano like a roaring ocean." Although I don't play the piano myself, your hook made me feel as if I had been playing my whole life. I imagined myself on a stage in front of an audience with blaring lights above, just as you had described. Reading this piece was a pleasure.
ReplyDeleteEmma I like your use of sensory language in this quote "My fingers ran up the piano. The notes slid under my fingers. My brain was calm and still. As my eyes checked my fingers, the music flooded out of the piano like a roaring ocean." This quote makes me feel like I was in the moment. As like I was a child with my hands being guided as the teacher created beautiful music.
ReplyDeleteYou did an amazing job explaining all your feelings you felt throughout this story, a quote is " I felt excited, and my stomach felt like a million tiny bugs were crawling in it. I was very nervous. My song echoed in my head." I think the message you are trying to tell your readers is you have to go outside your comfort zone to get a reward. The reward you got was the feeling that you accomplished something you have never done before.
ReplyDelete“My fingers ran up the piano. The notes slid under my fingers. My brain was calm and still. I really liked how engaging the intro was; it just made me want to read more. ¨ My stomach squeezed and my throat hurt. I walked to the stage.¨ I also like this because I can really relate to how nervous you were walking onto the stage with everybody staring right at you.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you worded,"I played my song and the notes flew out of the piano." It helped me think that you were great at playing the piano. I think the main idea is that if you do something out of your confirt zone, you will feel amazing after.
ReplyDelete*comfort
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