Everyone wants to accomplish something, right? Whether it’s something as big as being a millionaire, or something as small as reaching the top shelf without the assistance of a stepping stool. Everyone wants to accomplish something. Even something as simple as going on an amusement park ride could take plenty of effort.
It all began one dull summer evening. Boredom wafted through the air as we desperately attempted to reconstruct this lifeless afternoon into an amusing opportunity for enjoyment and gratification; however, our cravings were too far-fetched. Tomorrow was another day to silence our demand for amusement, for my mom had created a plan for the next day so as to not have one as mundane as this one. We would go to Six Flags: The Great Escape amusement park to cure our dread. When the next day rolled around, I had forgotten our arrangement to travel to The Great Escape, so when my mom brought it up I was pleasantly caught by surprise. I got ready for my day as quickly as a rabbit running away from a fox and swiftly got into the car. Then I realized the car trip to The Great Escape takes about an hour, and with pretty much nothing to do, this would be an exceedingly trite ride.
Once we finally arrived at The Great Escape, we were all gleaming with excitement, arms flailing. We all quickly argued over which ride to go on first. Lily was obsessed with going on the Flashback, but Noah wanted to go on a huge drop tower called the Sasquatch. I did not desire to take a ride on the Flashback, but Lily was dying to go, so my mom suggested that I go along with Noah to the Sasquatch.
I wasn’t particularly interested in going on the Sasquatch, but it would bring me closer to completing my goal of trying every single ride at The Great Escape. I needed to try it, no matter how scary it was. As we slowly strolled to the Sasquatch, I could feel a chill drift down my spine. I looked up at the enormous tower. Knees trembling, I slumped closer, and then I couldn’t handle the horror. I watched as Noah rode the gigantic device. The ride was quick yet horrifying. He was launched into the air and swiftly bounced back down. How the Sasquach looked to me was how an elephant looks to a mouse. Once Noah was finished, we trotted back to where we left Lily and Peyton. Noah was telling me how amazing and lively riding the Sasquatch was; however, that just made me more frightened.
“Ashton,” he exclaimed with excitement, “that was the most fun I've had in my life!” We met up right outside of the Flashback when Mom suggested that we would all go on the “Ring of Fire” ride nearby. Alright, I thought, since I didn’t try the Sasquatch, maybe I could try the Ring of Fire to make up for it. I need to. I need to try. As we made our way forward to the Ring of Fire, I began to see how big it actually was. The ride intimidated me but not as much as the Sasquatch did. We walked through the entrance to the line when above I saw that the name of the ride was in fact not the Ring of Fire; it was the Breeze Lightning.
“What a missed opportunity,” I exclaimed. As we got closer and closer to the entrance, we got to see how the ride tipped people upside-down. You got strapped in by a harness, and then the harness was buckled into the seat. When our turn came around, Noah, Nathan, Mom and I all went into one of the booths and sat down. In unison, we all pulled down the large puffy harness and buckled them in. Once the ride had begun Nathan remarked about how sudden and forceful it was. The ride brought us up and down, up and down, up and down over and over again until finally it brought us through a full loop. It felt as if we were on a rocket shooting straight to the moon. It was exhilarating, and I loved it. Once we got off I thought, Wow, that is a ride that I will definitely go on again. I’m so very glad that I tried it.
Later that day, we made our way to the other side of the park into some shade when disaster struck. It had started to rain. The sky’s once beautiful baby blue was now a disappointing bluish-gray. We all groaned in dismay. Lily and mom rushed to a tree to take cover from the rain, but I did not care as much. Since it was so close by, Noah and Peyton wanted to go on a ride called the Extreme Supernova, but I didn’t want to try it because I saw it run before, and it was horrifying. As they all got in line Mom said to me, “Let's make a deal. You’ve already tried one new ride. If you try the Sasquatch and the Extreme Supernova I will give you five dollars.”
“Ten dollars,” I conferred.
“Fine,” Mom remarked, “Now hurry up, the ride is going to start soon.” I rushed to the entrance, slipping through the bars of the empty line, and promptly sat down next to Peyton and Nathan. Hands shaking,
I asked Nathan about the Extreme Supernova. He said, “It’s very easy, and if you’re really nervous, you could close your eyes.” I didn’t know what “easy” meant in this context, but I did close my eyes. At first when the ride started it was just swaying back and forth with a little bit of spinning, but after a little while that ride started to pick up. I could feel that we started to get higher, and then the ride actually started to get interesting. We were spinning and tossing, but it wasn’t all that bad. I opened my eyes and saw slight images moving quickly. It was as if the whole world was being flung off into space.
It wasn’t all that bad. The ride quickly slowed down and came to a close. And that was it. I was so thankful for that bet I had made with Mom, because if it never took place, I would have never gone on the Extreme Supernova that day. And now, there was only one thing left to do; I had to go on the Sasquatch.
We made our way over to where we started. While we were on our walk, we noticed that the sky changed a bit. It was a bit eerie at first, but then we realized that it was the clouds clearing up. The sky was turning back to its vibrant light blue. I was so caught off guard by the sky that I had forgotten about the seemingly impossible task of going on the Sasquatch.
When we had arrived at the Sasquatch, my palms got sweaty and my knees started shaking. When we trudged into line, I had really started to feel the pressure. Slowly but surely we moved up in line until finally, it was our turn. We moved next to the ride and sat down in our seats. I noticed how deep the seats were and that I sank a little bit. I pulled down the large black safety harness. It felt squishy yet rough, like the cover of a bus seat. I buckled in the harness to the seat, but by now I was extremely panicked. I was so terrified that something inside of me snapped. I freaked out. I squirmed and twisted and even tried to get the attention of the ride’s operator, but she didn’t hear me. I tried again and again, but it was no use. The ride had started.
Nathan told me to look straight ahead and to close my eyes. I could feel us drifting further up, and then there was no feeling, so I tilted my head up and opened my eyes. I saw the very top of the tower. I looked straight ahead and looked at the traffic in front of the park, and then I realized how high up we were at that moment. I felt I was at the top of the world, but not in a good way. At any second, the ride could drop us from one billion miles in the air.
The ride hissed a booming hiss, and Nathan started counting. “Three, two, one.” Fwoosh! The ride dropped us. I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I only saw small images in rapid succession. Wind rushed past my face and feet; it was freezing cold. AND THEN, it was over. The breaks slowed it down, and we gently returned to the earth. I screamed, not from fear, not from pain, but from joy. I had conquered that Sasquatch.
Once we got off, I was overjoyed with excitement. I was so very pleased with myself that with the help of others I had tried the second tallest ride at Six Flags: The Great Escape. Mom had given me the ten dollars we had agreed upon, and it was the most well-deserved ten dollars I had ever earned.
All of that day, I was afraid to do things, but when I ended up doing them I really enjoyed them. Things could be scary at first, but if you try, it may not be as frightening as it may seem. Try: such a strong word. Dictionary.com defines the word “try” as “to attempt to do or accomplish,” but I believe that one small word is so much more.
-Ashton H.
I loved the gradual build-up in your personal narrative, it is less apparent at the beginning but continues to intensify throughout the story, making way for a grand and powerful climax and conclusion when in the story, you finally take in the accomplishment of “conquering the Sasquatch.” The amount of sensory language used in the story to simply describe and show exactly how you were feeling in the sequence makes you feel like you are experiencing what takes place. The outcome of the story gives closure and secures everything in place throughout the writing. An example of how sensory language was used throughout the writing piece is quoted from paragraph thirteen, “my palms got sweaty and my knees started shaking. When we trudged into line, I had really started to feel the pressure.” This is just very descriptive in and of itself and allows the reader to visualize the scene and imagine how you were feeling. The overall theme and idea in the writing piece is about trying and how your accomplishments feel after you truly put the work in for something and how it pays off. There have been many times in my life where something has seemed impossible or scary at first and with the act of trying, I’ve come out the other side with a different perspective and accomplished. This story gets through the idea that even if something does seem hard or scary, you can overcome that by just trying and succeeding, and in that way it is inspirational.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very good story. It started with a nice entrance about boredom and swiftly came to a story. I was very intrigued with the story. I could almost see the story like a movie in my head. It had very nice grammar and fancy words. Most importantly, it taught a important life lesson. The life lesson was try new things, and be brave. That lesson could change someones life.
ReplyDeleteAt the beginning of the story you give the main idea without too much detail, I really like how you describe what you’re talking about, giving the reader a better idea of what you’re meaning/ saying. “ Everyone wants to accomplish something, right? Whether it’s something as big as being a millionaire, or something as small as reaching the top shelf without the assistance of a stepping stool.”. In the beginning of the second paragraph you also describe the setting of the story making it feel more real for me and helping me understand the story better. I like how at the end of the story you tell the reader the fear you overcame, or accomplishment you made. This story is really good and detailed. You did a great job Ashton!!
ReplyDeleteIn your writing, I noticed that you used lots of figurative language. When you said, “I got ready for my day as quickly as a rabbit running away from a fox and swiftly got into the car.” I knew how exciting that must have been. You painted that picture in my head perfectly.
ReplyDelete“It felt squishy yet rough, like the cover of a bus seat." I liked this quote because it used a simile to compare the black safety harness to the cover of a bus seat. I like that figurative language was abundant in your story. It made me more intrigued and focused on the story. I liked how you thoroughly described the setting. Good job on your personal narrative!
ReplyDeleteI think a certain technique that you had used very well in your writing piece was a mature vocabulary that just gives your writing a stronger feeling. An example found in the text that shows this mature vocabulary is towards the beginning where you had written, “It all began one dull summer evening. Boredom wafted through the air as we desperately attempted to reconstruct this lifeless afternoon into an amusing opportunity for enjoyment and gratification.” I think the following text after your first sentence really brings that opening statement to life. Thinking about how it would’ve sounded with just the opening statement you made sounds just as dull as the summer evening you were describing. Adding the following text to really bring your statements to life really does make your writing that much better, and I think you did a great job with that, Ashton.
ReplyDelete