Sunday, June 9, 2024

       1912 2:20 AM:  The boat is sinking, plummeting down deeper and deeper every minute. I can’t seem to wake up. My heart slowly starts to stop. I try with all my might to keep it moving, but I can’t. I think  to myself, will I ever live longer



       A brisk, cold windy day. The wind flew straight through my hair like a ghost flying through a wall. My mother and  I were going on a trip on the Titanic.  We walked up to this magnificent ship. I said to my mom, “Look at the ship! It's enormous!” 

       My mom said, “Yes, it's basically the size of a mountain.” I darted up the ramp and walked in, starstruck. The chandelier glistened in the light. The staircase curved around the ship. It was like I was a princess, and this was my palace. Everything just shimmered, like a ball of glitter exploded in the room. 

       My mom and I walked to our room. As I bolted in I screamed, “I call top bunk!” 

       “Sweetie, calm down,” my mom said, but I just couldn't; my heart was racing like a cheetah ready to pounce. I was bouncing off the walls with excitement. I went exploring around the ship to try and calm down. I waltzed into the dining room, everything so beautiful and gorgeous. 

       When I wandered around the ship, the sky was beginning to darken. I could not find my room. I tried to ask for help, and I saw this guy.  I asked, “Hey, do you know where the second class is?” 

       “Yeah I do, but what is your name?” he said.

       I reply back instantly, “I’m Rose, can you show me where the second class is?” 

       “Sure, follow me; I'm William by the way.” He showed me where second class was.  He asserted to me, “If you ever want to hang out I'm in first class.” 

       I replied, “Okay, see you around.” He smirked at me and walked away.

       I happily walked into my room and waited for my mom to come back. 

       Minutes passed, then hours. The sky was pitch black, and it was now 9:30 PM, but she still wasn't back. I started to worry. 

       I wandered around the ship. It felt like forever, and still no sight of my mom. I went to the main deck to see if she was outside. She was drunk! She was about to commit suicide.  I screamed to her at the top of my lungs.“MOM!, WHAT THE F*&% ARE YOU DOING?” I ran to her like a lightning bolt, and I grabbed her hand and brought her back to the cabin like she was a two year old. I was so furious that she would do such a thing. 

       When I woke up the next morning, I was so disgusted by my mom. I couldn’t even look at her. She looked at me so puzzled, as if nothing happened that night. I got ready in a heartbeat, and I dashed out the door; I couldn’t be around her. I went to first class to go see William. I found his room and knocked on the door. 

       He opened it and said, “Hey.” 

       I said, “Hi, want to go hang out?” 

       He said, “Sure.” We went to the main deck and talked to each other. 

       He was absolutely hilarious. We hung out the rest of the day.  As the sun slowly lowered into the horizon, I was so disheartened that I had to go. He walked me to my room and gave me a kiss and said, “good night, Rose!” I smiled.

       When I entered my cabin my mom was out cold. I quietly got ready for bed and fell asleep. As hours passed I heard a thud. I dashed to the main deck. An enormous iceberg was scattered across the main deck. Trembling in fear, the coldness of the air ran up my spine. I couldn't move; it was like my feet were glued to the deck. I stare at the iceberg like I was in a trance, crossing my fingers that I live for another day. 

       I snapped out of the trance and ran like a cheetah to my room. I grabbed my coat and I ran to the nearest lifeboat. I couldn’t find one; they were all gone. I raced out the boat to get high ground. Flares exploded like fireworks off the ship.

        Not less than three hours later the boat slid from under me into the water. I was slipping, grasping onto anything I could find. I clenched onto the railing as hard as I could. My hands slipped like a stick of butter. I dropped like a fly swatted dead into the water. The coldness filled my lounges. I screamed at the top of my lungs, “MOM, help!” I slowly suffocated in the water. 

       “R- Rose,'' my mom stuttered. She tossed me a barrel, but it was too late. The coldness took over; it felt like I was a rock. 

       I thought this was the end, but in the distance I heard, “Is anyone out there? Can anyone hear me?”  I popped out of the water like a seed that sprouted. 

       I squealed, “Help, over here!”  The captain, and what remained of his crew, paddled through all the dead bodies. I could barely move or even talk. They picked me up and put me inside the boat.

        I saw a glimpse of a star shining, and William. I stuttered and said to him, “W-William.” 

       He replied, “Yes Rose?” 

       I replied back, “I l-love y-ou.” I couldn’t feel anything. All the bones in my body went numb. My eyes shut.





       I scream at the top of my lungs, “NO! CAN SOMEONE DO SOMETHING?! ” I scream to the captain, “Captain, her eyes are shut!” 

       The captain says to me, “William, she's dead. I’m so sorry.”

       I say to him, “please, no, I need her. I already lost both my parents, she's all I have left!” 

       The captain says, “I can’t make out a heartbeat; there's nothing I can do.”

       It should have been me, not her. She was only 15; I quietly sobbed. The captain and I thoughtfully rest Rose in the water. I watch her body slowly descend. I whimper, and with all my might, I say, “I love you, Rose, rest in peace.”

       I think to myself, this is the captain's fault she's dead. I question the captain, “Why aren't there more lifeboats? This is all your fault! You don’t have enough lifeboats, all these dead bodies are because of you!” 

       “William, how was I supposed to know there was going to be an iceberg?”

       I shout back, “you didn’t, but you could have been more prepared for an event like this.” 

       “William, you're right about one thing, I did not meet all the requirements for the lifeboats.” 

       I said, “Ha! I knew it, you are a murderer. It's true you didn't know an iceberg was going to happen, but you could have prevented all these deaths.”

       “William, I am deeply sorry for my actions. I am really sorry, I don’t deserve to be captain. I can’t live with this guilt for the rest of my life. I am sorry, William.”

       I question the captain, “What do you mean you can’t live with this guilt for the rest of your life?” 

       The captain doesn’t even answer my question.  He salutes me and jumps into the frigid, arctic Atlantic ocean, never to be seen again. The captain really does go down with his ship.              



-Lauren M.   







3 comments:

  1. In Laurens's story, I enjoyed how she used figurative language, one line in her H.F was,¨A brisk, cold windy day. The wind flew straight through my hair like a ghost flying through a wall.” This line makes me, 1, understand the setting, and 2, bring the story to life. Along with the metaphor, “Yes, it's basically the size of a mountain.” The figurative language included in her H.F makes it enjoyable to read.

    ReplyDelete
  2. From Ashton:

    Amazing writing, Lauren! I really liked all of the sensory and figurative language you used, “The staircase curved around the ship. It was like I was a princess, and this was my palace. Everything just shimmered, like a ball of glitter exploded in the room.” The figurative language was very prominent in the story and added a lot. Keep up the great work.

    ReplyDelete
  3. From Shreeya:

    Lauren, in your historical fiction you used great examples of figurative language. For example when you said, “The wind flew straight through my hair like a ghost flying through a wall.” This metaphor was a great way to describe the way the wind was flowing through your hair. One thing I LOVED about your HF was the way you changed the point-of-view. After Rose had died you changed the main character to William and made sure to address the change of the main character through the use of this line, “ ‘The captain says to me, ‘William, she's dead. I’m so sorry.’ ” showing that someone is now talking to William and saying “she’s dead”.
    Your story has an allusion in the very first paragraph, “1912 2:20 AM: The boat is sinking, plummeting down deeper and deeper every minute.” I liked how you started your paragraph with a “datestamp” or a DS to inform the readers of the current time and year the story was starting of with. This “datestamp” along with the fact that the intro provides a preview to a boat sinking gave me enough clues to come to the conclusion that your HF was about the Titanic.

    ReplyDelete