Have you experienced a death in your family? Well if you have it is very possible that you blame yourself. You might blame yourself because you have no answers, which can make you feel discouraged.

During his life he spent a lot of time in his walker or sleeping. Most of the time I was at school, but I tried to spend the most time with him as I  could.  On one of the days I was home on the weekend he slept on my arm until the point where I could not feel it anymore.   Another time was when we set off to a hotel in Lake George and went swimming. He was wearing his blue semi-inflated floaty, and I was swimming normally; as a joke I had him dunk me under the water. PLOOP.  My head went under like a bowling ball in the water, and his face lit up in excitement like he invented the wheel or electricity.     

On November 10, 2014 it was a cold but beautiful day. I went to school and did some math.  When I finally went home, my mom picked me up, not so enthusiastically.  Her face was as pink as a chery and blushed, but I did not think anything of it. I nudged in, and all my saddened family was there. I parked my stuff down and plopped down on the couch. 

“Hey Bud, come here, please." So I walked in the kitchen packed with people, and my mom said in a confused voice, “Alex, I have some bad news, your brother just passed away." I felt the pain of the news, and I felt it was my fault because it was so hard to bear the loss, so I tried to blame it on myself. Then the tears were coming to life and running down my face like Usain Bolt running the hundred meter. I ran into my room and balled my eyes out, trying to escape what I just heard. One reason that I blamed myself is the sadness of losing him.

There are a couple ways that helped me overcome blaming myself.  When I started socializing I did not think about anything. I found this out by going and playing with my friends or playing video games; this helped me cope with my emotions. One example is I went to the store to get some food as one would and I saw one of my friends there. We got talking about this new game that came out recently. It was Uncharted 4 that we both had; I had the first canon mission done, and we rambled on until our moms said, "let’s go, we have to shop.”  That was the best memory that I had from getting over blaming myself.    From this day forward  we go to the cemetery on Sundays, holidays, and birthdays, another instance that helped me with getting over the feeling of blaming myself because it got me a chance to "see him” again; until this day we do it consistently. 

I felt in the beginning of the news that I was alone and I had no answers, so I blamed myself, and that should not be the case if you're going through anything like what I went through.    There are lots of ways to get away from blaming yourself. I learned that you should not blame yourself about something you can not control.

 

 

-Alex

 

Have you ever stressed yourself out about something you can’t control? Sometimes you need to stress, but sometimes it only makes things worse.  Some people get stressed about everything; others stress about barely anything. Is it better to stress or not to stress? Well, in this situation, I did stress…

It was a stormy and grey Wednesday evening. I was calmly sitting at my desk doing schoolwork and listening to the heavy rain drops relinquish on my windows and roof, and I could hear the wind dancing with the swaying trees. The lightning exploding behind the clouds made the whole sky light up. Roaring thunder blew up the sky. The glowing screen of my chromebook switched from my homework to a small dinosaur and the words, no connection. Suddenly, a blaring and heartstopping boom pummeled my ears. The house viciously trembled, and so did I. It was like an earthquake. The lights flickered off, and a blanket of darkness circled around me. Was that thunder? No, this noise was way too loud to be thun- I didn’t have time to finish my thought before I heard my dad yelling.  “GET IN THE BASEMENT, NOW!” he shouted continually.

Legs shaking, heart pounding, I sprinted to the stairs. My heart was beating like a drum, but it was not making an enjoyable tune. It felt like my heart was trying to free itself from my chest. My legs felt numb as I swiftly flew down the two flights of stairs. I skipped over most of the steps. My mom, my brother and I were in the dark, freezing basement. My dad was looking to see what had happened, the frigid floor biting at my bare feet. I heard a clicking noise, and the lightbulb from a sage green electric lantern dully radiated light, making the basement glow with soft, creamy white light and creating hard shadows. Within a few minutes the power flickered back on, and my mom meticulously went upstairs.

I sat on the unwelcoming basement floor. The smooth, cement floor was as cold as ice, but I barely noticed. I was trying to calm myself down, but my legs were still vigorously shaking. What was that noise? I couldn’t grasp what was happening. The lights flickered out but turned back on a few seconds later.

“Kids, you can come back up now!” my mom shouted; she was wearing the yellow rain coat that previously belonged to my grandma. I cautiously walked up the stairs. I could still hear the thump thump of the massive rain and the wind thrusting the trees. I was almost to the top of the stairs when I heard another blaring BANG. This wasn’t as loud as the noise I heard earlier but was still earsplitting. I ran back to the basement, millions of scenarios rushing through my head on what had happened and what would happen next.

After about ten long, tedious minutes, my parents said we could come back up, and this time it was truly, finally over. As I walked up to the top of the stairs I saw a humongous tree pressed against the top of my house, branches going every which way in my yard and another tree that had crashed into my shed roof. My deck railing was done for. My mom went out the front door and ran into the backyard. I stopped at the door, slipping my crocs onto my numb feet. Then I followed my mom. What would the house look like from the outside? I thought.

As we anxiously turned the corner into my backyard I looked at the tree in awe. Sap covered the grass and made sounds when you walked. The air was heavy and damp. The smell of wet lumber wafted through the air. It was surreal. My whole backyard was covered either by the astounding tree or the gigantic branches. I could see the tree pressed against my house, and I could feel the stress pressed on my chest as apprehensive thoughts churned in my head; What if we have to move? How long will it take to fix this? Where's my dad? I meticulously walked through my yard to get to where my mom was standing, and as I calmed my nerves, I realized that everything was going to be okay.

When I think about it now, I realize that I acquired something from that experience. I learned that you can’t stress about the things you can’t control. Sometimes when you are thrown in a bad situation and you are stressed out, you need to slow down and think, Is stressing out going to help or hurt this situation? In my case it was just going to make me even more on edge than I already was. Sometimes stress is good, but in my case it didn’t help at all.

 

 

-Ella