Have you even been so nervous that you were shaking? I was, when I did NYSSMA on my violin for the first time. I had been playing violin for nearly three years, and even though I had been stressing and preparing for this for several months, and I knew it didn’t really matter, I just couldn’t shake my nerves as I got out of the car.

I shivered as a chilly breeze raised goosebumps on my arms, my dress not offering much warmth. Clutching my violin close to my chest,  I kept my eyes on the doors in front of me, and my heart started to race as they grew closer. I hesitated as my mother opened the doors to the school, taking a moment before I stepped in. As soon as we entered, a woman sitting behind a table greeted us. She was younger, and I figured that she was a highschool student, based on the way the shirt with “VOLUNTEER” written in block letters across it was hanging loose on her shoulders. She quickly explained that I first needed to go to the gym to warm up, and how to get there. Arriving in the stuffy gym did little to ease my apprehension. It was crowded and loud, tons of people all practicing their songs. I could almost feel the nervous energy hanging in the air. I pulled my violin out of its case before tuning the strings and putting rosin on my bow. My mother hovered nearby as I put my violin on my shoulder and drew the bow across the strings before going through my scales and song a couple of times. I didn’t feel ready yet, but I diminished my worry as I packed away my instrument and vacated the gym.

A few minutes later, I sat in front of the woman who was about to listen to me. She composed herself with an intimidating posture, and if she meant to or not, I was unsure. She towered above me, her jewelry dangling from her wrists and neck. And I could see her short, brown hair beginning to gray. Although she did seem okay and had tried to make jokes upon seeing how tense I was. I was feeling a bit better by the time she asked for me to start playing. I drew in a breath, my heart pounding as I raised my violin. Gingerly, I drew the first notes over the strings while trying to control my shaking hands. It seemed to last forever as the bow danced over the strings, even though it couldn’t have been more than a minute. Finally, I dropped my arm, and still clutching the bow, I let out the breath I realized I had been holding. I had been subconsciously watching the woman as she had vigorously scribbled down notes on my performance, and now she looked down at me over her glasses. My insides churned, unsure if I should be relieved or terrified. Glancing at her notes once more, she stood up.

¨Thank you,¨ she said, putting her notes on the desk. Nodding, she opened the door for me, both of us stepping out. I let my eyes wander as the woman and my mom conferred, watching the others walking into rooms or waiting anxiously in the hallway. I wondered if they were as nervous as me, although most of them seemed relaxed. They held themselves with a confident posture; chins jutted out while they leaned against the wall, idly scanning the crowd. They looked older, though, and I assumed they had been here before. I did notice others, too, that weren’t as composed. One young girl had her viola tucked under her arm, and she cowered near her father.  At last, my mother finished talking with the judge, and we said goodbye, starting off to find our way out of the school.

¨How was it?¨ My mom asked as we walked through the parking lot.  Shrugging my shoulders, I simply muttered that it was fine. After my heart rate returned to normal, I realized I was glad I did it. I think that challenging yourself is necessary, and it’s the only way you can learn things and grow as a person.

-Ava Vitali