Have you ever been in a contest? If you have, then do you recall all those feelings you had before and after? Nervousness is something we all have encountered, and if we pay attention, we can gain more experience on how to deal with it.

Every year my parents make me or my sister enter the art contest at the Dutchess County Fair, which is located in Rhinebeck. Most of the time, I don't like being forced into things, but I was used to entering this fair, and I knew just how good my art had to be. But this year I felt like I could really win! Something told me I could do it! Something told me I was going to blow the competition out of the water and win that first place ribbon!

Yes, I do understand that the competition will be difficult (like it is every year), but you have to have hope, right? Yeah, well, I'm having some doubts… actually just replace that some to A LOT! I can't help but feel scared, excited, nervous, giddy, pressured, and some light headedness. I even get this horrific thought that everyone else is better than me, and every time someone comes around and sees art they say, ¨Uh, that's hideous!¨ Just thinking about it makes me want to be a pill bug. Then I can curl up into a tight ball so nothing can harm me.

I remember clear as day the years that I was confident I was going to see a glorious, royal blue first place ribbon hanging from my art, but then when I took a peek all I saw was a dull ribbon that said ¨participation¨ on it. For me it was screaming, ¨look here at this sloppy mess!¨ There was that one year that I got third place, but that just wasn't good enough for me. I thought that I did excellent on my art, and I questioned what I did wrong for me not to win first place. It confuses me until this day why I keep on trying even when every year I get crushed. I’m guessing I just want that short, yet long lasting taste of victory. Oh, and yes, I will get it.

The car ride… oh my gosh, the car ride, I swear on my life it takes years to get to the the Dutchess County fair. I'm impatient enough, but when my emotions are riled up, then things get ten times longer than they really are.

My thoughts jumble up as the roads twist and turn. It feels like I am locked up in a chamber, and I can only dream about getting out. And being motion sick doesn't help a thing. My palms get sweaty and I start thinking the worst. I plan out how everything will go terribly wrong in my head and then stress over my predictions afterwards. It's not fun at all. I hate the car ride just as much as anything else.

Getting out of the car is nice… until I realize that I am even closer to my artwork than I was before. I want to book it all the way home, but I know I can't get out of this, and I shouldn't get out of it. I then see that it's great that I'm doing this, and how much it will help me with my art improvement. This is a great opportunity to get tips on how to do better and have more knowledge on what needs fixing. And also knowing what I'm doing right! And like I said, I should stay positive! Yes! I think, this will be an extraordinary time!

 I strut into the fair. I take a big sniff; it smells just as great as last year. I take a turn and look up at the tall, seemingly intimidating, white building. I tell myself quickly, ¨It doesn't matter if I get a participation ribbon, I know that I tried my hardest on it.” I take a deep breath in and make a small sigh. Then I take a step inside.

I look around for no reason, probably just to waste time. ¨Uh,¨ my stomach is stuffed full of butterflies. Everything looks the same as last year, the tall white sealing and slightly darker walls. I start to walk around and look at the different art. One piece of art stands out from the others; it is very good. Looking at it I can see how talented the artist is.

 It is beautiful; it is a painting of a Native-American man. He has a fearless expression and has a bold headdress with many beads and feathers. It holds lots of emotion. And of course it gets first place. I get a burst of jealousy. I stick my chin up high and glare at it. I stop and realize it is rude to make such a face. I also should not be jealous because they are much older, so they know more.

I look around, hair whipping, to make sure no one saw. I then start to look around again until I see it… my art hung up on the wall. I stare at it for a while. My body feels tense. I feel as if I am going to puke, but at the same time I am hyped. I am worried and excited about what kind of ribbon I will get. I slowly walk towards it and see… nothing? I get worried. I inspect the frame carefully, and then there it is, hiding behind the frame. I take a careful look at the ribbon. A tear rolls down my cheek when I see what I had gotten. Third place.  How? My heart skips a beat, no, two beats. I thought for sure it was worthy of first place! My sadness dominates all my other feelings. I just can't wrap my head around what I just saw.

When the day was over and we had to leave, I sat staring out the window the whole car ride, just thinking. Thinking, how could it be possible that I had gotten third place? Thinking, am I even a good artist ?  Thinking, should I have even of done this in the first place? This was the one year I felt my art had the greatest potential of winning. It was hard to know that something I worked hard on wasn't ¨good enough¨ for the judges. But at the end of the day, I knew that this helped me. It made me want to try harder on my art, learn more skills, and to one day get that first place ribbon.

Even though the Dutchess County Fair was emotionally and physically hard, it was a great way for me to improve my art and push myself to do better. And as you can see, sometimes what may seem bad can actually be good.

-Rachel Drozdyk