My heart was practically jumping out of my chest. The nervousness made me feel queasy. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I went over the dance in my mind. Glissade, saute arabesque, turn to the left into a pique. The clapping from the audience interrupted me as the dancers glided off the stage one by one.
I waited in the wings for the announcer to introduce our dance. “Next, we have Pachelbel Canon in major D performed by The Dance Studio.” The ringing feedback from the mic died down as we tiptoed onto the stage and got into our places.
I smiled at the vast sea of faces. They were all unrecognizable, but somewhere in that crowd my family sat, waiting for the dance to start. As soon as the first beat of the song rang out from the speakers the stage came alive with movement. My eyes followed my arms as they floated above my head. The dance came naturally to me, like I had done it a million times before.
As the song came to a soft stop we smiled and gracefully curtsied before stepping off stage. A large grin spread onto my face. I was glad it was over but also proud that I made it through with no mistakes.
As the next dance started I smiled as I looked back at the stage. I’m so happy I started to dance, I thought as I was handed a bouquet of roses. It’s a way for me to be a part of something bigger than myself.
-Sierra L.
I like the way you used mature vocabulary straight from the start to get people engaged. “I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.” It also seems as though it is also a bit personified as well, which gets me engaged in the story. I also liked that you used personification in the first sentence, where you said “ My heart was practically jumping out of my chest.” That opening sentence really gets me interested, wondering “Why is her heart jumping out of her chest?” It gets me wondering and makes me want to read the story. I must say, the story is very engaging. With a rich variety of mature vocabulary and sensory language, it supports the voice and keeps readers reading. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI think that the message of this might be to always try your best and to believe in yourself even when you feel nervous or discouraged.
ReplyDeleteA quote in Sierra L’s story I enjoyed was the sentence “My heart was practically jumping out of my chest. The nervousness made me feel queasy” I liked it because it connects to the message by saying they were queasy, and personification was used, by comparing her heart to something jumping.
In my life I can relate to this by the times I have had to present a project. It can be nerve-racking having to do it, but after it feels nice, and you feel like you accomplished something.
Persevering through tough moments is a hard thing to do. A quote I liked from Sierra’s story was, “As soon as the first beat of the song rang out from the speakers the stage came alive with movement.” The reason I liked this quote is because it had personification. There are a lot of moments where you used figurative language and it really added to the story and made me visualize it more. I noticed mature vocabulary like the words queasy and curtsied. With all of these things it made the story really engaging and made me want to read on. Nice job!
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ReplyDeleteSierra I liked how you added depth into your story like when you said “A sea full of faces.”It really showed personification and showed what feeling you had that moment .Besides personification I liked how you put in detail about what it was like standing up on a stage in front of people;and for the story i liked how the central idea is to not give up and keep pushing forward no matter what the obstacle is
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ReplyDeleteI think that the message or central idea is that you should follow your heart and not give up on your dreams. I love how well you chose your personification, “My heart was practically jumping out of my chest:” When you use this type of technique it keeps me reading and very interested. I feel like I can relate to how you are feeling. Nervous, anxious, but also very contented with what you have done. I just love when I can relate to a story.