Chapter
One:
Cleaning
up Broken Glass
Heart pounding, body
shaking, I sat shocked in a cluster of broken glass. The sound of high pitched
ringing popped my ear drums with a raging pain. Cold blood trickled from where
the shard of possible windshield was imbedded in my calf. The smell of smoke
lingered in the air and stung my nose. I could taste salty blood settling in a
pool around my dry tongue. On the left of me lay my stone cold sister where she
had been ejected too. Medical assistants were gathered around her, trying to
determine her medical state. She wasn’t conscious, but she wasn’t dead. Two
red-blaring ambulances were parked yards away like identical flames. To my
right crouched a young lady with dark brown hair and kind blue eyes. Her pained
smile twinkled in the headlights of the medical truck. Her dark green scrubs
revealed a rectangular white patch that was stitched in the top left corner of
her shirt. In light blue letters the tag read “ Angie.” That was a “PTA mom”
kind-of-name. I liked it though.
I could see Angie’s lips moving, but no words came out. She
reached her hand out as a gesture to join her, but I didn’t budge. I turned my
head to look at my sister. She was lifted onto a stretcher and was taken into
an ambulance. The truck pulled out of the trashed forest and disappeared into the cold, murderous night.
Branches were flung everywhere; tire marks inscribed the grass. This accident had been atrocious.
The air started to
release a calming January snow that cooled my gashes and wounds. By morning I’m
sure we would have a white dusting on all the pine trees and bushes. The
moonlight was bright and the damp street was foggy. The red sirens flashed onto
the dark wooded trees. I started to
regain the sounds of the world. The first sound was Angie.
“Honey... Honey, can
you hear me?” I looked at her in
acknowledgement, and she continued to talk. “ You can?! Oh good! Can you tell
me what your name is?” My name. I
hesitated at the question, still trying to regroup from the crash.
“M...My name is
Heather... Brooks. I’m Heather Brooks.”
“Hey Heather,” she said
in a sweet, mother-like voice. “Can I ask you a few questions?” I nodded
slowly. “ Great! First, let’s go to the ambulance over there, okay?” It
definitely was of no interest of mine to go inside that medical trap, but I
needed to be with my sister at the hospital, so I agreed. Knees trembling, I
stood up, and pain struck my entire body. I let out a yelp. Angie scooped me up
and brought me to the truck. My sister had already been taken back to the
hospital. Inside the truck was bright, and it gave me a headache. As I was
placed on an uncomfortable cot, Angie continued to talk.
“Can you feel any pain?”
she asked.
“Yeah a lot, especially
in my leg. Also my shoulder feels a bit … disconnected.”
By now we were flying
down the streets as the vehicle's sirens blared through the reticent night.
Snow was starting to fall harder now. Outside was a big blur. The woman nodded and motioned her hand over
to two other men in the truck. She first pointed to a pale beanstalk with a
solemn look on his face. “That’s Caleb,” she said. Then she pointed to a
muscular, bronze man with a black stubble beard on his face. He seemed like he
would be considered an “America’s Next Dream Husband” kind-of-guy, you know? To
top off his wonderful looks, our buddy here had a perfect white smile and was
sweet like candy. The woman must have noticed my wide eyes looking at him
because she let out a chuckle. “ That’s Mason,” she smiled. She leaned down and
whispered in my ear, “ I had the same reaction.” We both chuckled at that.
Next to me I peered at
the red digital clock that was mounted on a small table nearby; 2:08 am. Yikes,
that’s early. “Okay, Heather, now I need you to take a deep breathe in and
hold it. 1.. 2...3…” Pop! I screamed bloody murder. Arm raging in pain, my now not-so-tired body shot up from its
laying down position. I clawed at my shoulder, which now felt put together
again. I felt like Humpty Dumpty. I concluded my arm was originally dislocated
and was now back in its proper position.
That’s great! But boy, it hurt like a bitch. The next part was painless
compared to my previous operation. Mason flashed me a pearly smile and yanked
out the large glass shard in my leg like Hulk. Doctor Dream Husband looked very
interested and handed me the bloody glass wrapped in rough cloth.
“You can examine that
for a few minutes if you’d like.” I took the glass piece in extreme confusion.
“Uh.. thanks?” He
winked at me and flashed those blinding teeth again. Paige would be in love
right now. I had to admit, this was no ordinary piece of glass. It looked to be
approximately seven inches long and four inches thick. I’m guessing it was from
the windshield. In the corner was Caleb working on some medical things. He hadn’t
said a single word this entire ride. I mean, we had been crammed in that tiny
space for almost twenty minutes. It’s just a bit odd that he hadn’t talked. I
was starting to think he was mute.
“Alright, Heather, we’re
done here. I’m just gonna ask some more questions,” said Angie. There was no
harm in that, so I was fine with it.
“How old are you?”
“Fourteen.”
“Where are you from?”
“The City.”
“Ahhh. New York City.
You know, you’re pretty far from there now. At least an hour or so.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Okay then. What are
your parents’ names?”
“Shawn and Meredith.”
“Just a couple more. Who was that girl back at the accident?”
“My sister, Paige
Brooks.”
“Last question,” she
said. My aching body was tired and ready to sleep. I could feel my eyelids
fighting to stay open like they had weights attached. I looked outside and the
hospital became clear in sight. Ambulances were pulling in the back and people
rushed in and out like firefighters. “Oh,
I better hurry this up. Okay, Sweetie, can you tell me what happened tonight?”
Then my heart sank
deeper than the ocean.
-Hannah Kovelman
Hannah, great job! I love the sensory language you used in this piece. I felt that it really brought to life the setting of the story. The line, "Two red-blaring ambulances were parked yards away like identical flames," helped me to better picture the setting of the story. I also love the simile used to describe Mason in the line, "To top off his wonderful looks, our buddy here had a perfect white smile and was sweet like candy." A possible central idea could be escaping. The reason I think this is because when Angie is asking Heather questions, she asks Heather where she lives and she responds with, "The City." Angie then comments on how far away they are from home. Maybe Heather and her sister were trying to run away from something at home.
ReplyDeleteHannah I like they way you used the despriptive language to show how you were in shock " Heart pounding Body shaking". Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteGreat job Hannah. You used amazing descriptive language that can really help the reader envision this piece. The way you described the other worker in the ambulance as strong, muscular, perfect white smile really helps put picture in your mind. The way you described how the moonlight was damp and foggy gives you an idea of the time. I think the central idea is moving. The nurse asks where she is from and says the City is an hour away. They don't mention the age of heather or parents so you can't tell whether she was driving or her parents were there. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAmazing piece, Hannah! I loved how you pulled the reader in at the beginning of the story by using detailed sensory language. Some lines that stood out to me were, "The sound of high pitched ringing popped my ear drums with a raging pain," and "I could taste salty blood settling in a pool around my dry tongue." They really helped me feel like I was there at the scene, experiencing what the main character was. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Hannah! This piece was full of descriptive language and mature vocabulary which helped pull this story to life! One line that stood out to me was, "tire marks inscribed the grass." Also, I loved the part where you were explaining the ambulances and you said, "Two red-blaring ambulances were parked yards away like identical flames." By comparing the ambulances to flames, you can tell the significance that they have.
ReplyDeleteAmazing job Hannah! You used lots of great descriptive language like when you described the grass with the tire marks. Those lines really made the piece better. Also the conversation really brought the characters alive. Overall very good work!
ReplyDeleteHannah, your writing was phenominal! I love the use of descriptive language in your writing as well as the strong vocabulary. "By now we were flying down the streets as the vehicle's sirens blared through the reticent night" really captured the feeling of how withdrawn the streets had seemed. I also loved the use of figurative language in your writing such as "I could feel my eyelids fighting to stay open like they had weights attached." Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHannah the descriptive language in your piece was very well done. I like the line " Two red-blaring ambulances were parked yards away like identical flames". I also liked the line "The moonlight was bright and the damp street was foggy". Amazing job Hannah.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your piece Hannah! love all of the descriptive language that you used. Such as the line, " Two red-blaring ambulances were parked yards away like identical flames." to describe how the ambulances were like fires that you didn't want to go near. I also really liked how you described the different people that she had seen such as Angie who had the "PTA- mom sort of name". And how you described Mason as the "Americas Next Dream Husband" kind of person. Overall this was a really good piece!
ReplyDeleteAmazing Job Hannah. I loved all of the sensory language that you used, especially when you engaged in the beginning and said "Heart pounding, body shaking, I sat shocked in a cluster of broken glass." You really brought the story to life here. I also really enjoyed how you used the descriptive language "Outside was a big blur.The woman nodded..." to bring the story to life. Great Job again!
ReplyDeleteHannah, I loved how you used sensory language, it made me want to read more, when you said "I sat shocked in a cluster of broken glass. The sound of high pitched ringing popped my ear drums with a raging pain. Cold blood trickled from where the shard of possible windshield was imbedded in my calf. The smell of smoke lingered in the air and stung my nose. I could taste salty blood settling in a pool around my dry tongue." It was amazing. I could hear, feel, hear, taste, smell. You really brought it to life. I think the central idea was fear because she was scared most of the story. I also think the message was, don't let your scary thoughts keep you from being safe. This piece was definitely my favorite, good job.
ReplyDeletevery nice! i like how you described the details.
ReplyDelete