Chapter
1
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t
on this earth. Most wouldn’t understand
where I’m coming from even if I tried to explain. A world where, ‘imaginary friends’ you could
say, still exist.
At this time of the
evening, I know Dan is taking his daily nap, therefore, I do not want to wake
him. Dan is my mom’s boyfriend. His hobbies include sleeping, drinking and,
well, sleeping. As I tiptoe down the
stairs, lips sealed and fists clenched,
trying hard not to get caught, I flinch a bit as I reach the last
step. My lack of balance causes me to
wobble and almost fall, nearly waking
the sleeping giant.
Right as I think I am
in the clear, I hear a groggy, “Hey Kiddo.”
It’s Dan. In one hand he holds a
remote to the TV, and in the other hand is a bottle of God knows what. “Where are you off to?”
I find it comical how
he pretends to care what I’m up to. For
all I care I can go fly across the world unnoticed.
“Just some homework,” I
respond hastily, tearing my binder open.
The homework reply is a
go to response. If I’m feeling fancy, I
might respond with, ‘I’m going to a friend’s house.’ The amusing part is that I don’t have any
friends. Over the years, I’ve learned
to keep the responses as brief as possible for numerous reasons. One being even if I did conjure up a somewhat
lengthy response, all I would get in response is a simple nod. Two, they just don’t care.
My ‘family’ lives near
the woods, to what seems like us being isolated from the outside world. In ways to me it’s more like a forest,
because when you enter, there’s nothing but trees for miles. Quite honestly, I find it calming knowing
that when I enter those woods I am alone… ish.
For now, I lay on my
duvet with butterflies plastered over it like it’s some sort of butterfly sanctuary,
the glow on the dark stars on my ceiling distracting me from reality and my
imagination. Somehow, no matter what I
am thinking of, my head keeps wandering back to a specific tree with leaves as
green as freshly cut grass in the spring and flowers that sprout from every
square inch of the expanse. The image is
vivid in my head. That means only one
thing. My friend’s calling me from the
woods.
“I’m leaving!” I shout
from my room.
I stroll through the
front door with ease, knowing that nobody will care to question me where I am
headed. I’ve made this journey more
times than I can count. Embedded in my head is a map to my friend. When I said I had no friends, I lied. Sort of.
Most people wouldn’t count my friend as a friend because it is not
visible to any other human eye but mine. Nonetheless, I can confide in him when
needed, and he is the most trustworthy creature I have ever met. Ever since my dad died in a car crash six
years ago, this creature has been what seems to be summoning me. Call me delusional, but it almost seems like
my dad is trying to communicate with me through this creature.
After a solid ten
minutes of twists and turns, I find myself face to face with the Tree. I inch closer and closer, mindful of my
surroundings but not timid, until I can just barely feel the bark on my skin,
ridged and coarse, yet still soothing to the touch. There is the slightest indent marked on the
tree that only the most observant will spot.
This mark is approximately the size of a toddler's hand. As usual, I reach out and tap on the center
of the mark twice. I wait for what seems
like an hour. Just as I’m about to tap
again, the ground beneath me rumbles, causing me to jolt slightly. In an instant, my friend appears before
me.
“Hello Katherine.”
“Hi Max,” I roll my
eyes. “You know I despise being called that.”
“Precisely why I do it,
Kate.”
Yes, Max can be a pain,
but he’s all I have.
-Maggie McFerran
Maggie, this story is so intriguing! I loved how you used sensory and figurative language to better imagine the story! I really liked how your character pictures the special tree being her fathers way of contacting her! Some lines that I felt used a lot of sensory and figurative language were "For now, I lay on my duvet with butterflies plastered over it like it’s some sort of butterfly sanctuary, the glow on the dark stars on my ceiling distracting me from reality and my imagination." and " I inch closer and closer, mindful of my surroundings but not timid, until I can just barely feel the bark on my skin, ridged and coarse, yet still soothing to the touch." Good job!!
ReplyDeleteMaggie, this was a great piece! You used a lot of strong vocabulary that enhanced the story. The line, "Somehow, no matter what I am thinking of, my head keeps wandering back to a specific tree with leaves as green as freshly cut grass in the spring and flowers that sprout from every square inch of the expanse," was a strong line that helped me visualize the forest area. Great job!!
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ReplyDeleteThis was such an engaging piece, Maggie! I loved how you set the mood near the beginning so we know what Kate was going through. The line, "I find it comical how he pretends to care what I’m up to. For all I care I can go fly across the world unnoticed." really shows the main character's mindset, and the absolutes "lips sealed and fists clenched" convey her body language, which also shows her personality and how she goes through her daily life. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteMaggie, I love this piece! It is so interesting and I'm eager to hear what happens next! Your descriptive language really helps me envision what is occurring in your story. These lines, "Somehow, no matter what I am thinking of, my head keeps wandering back to a specific tree with leaves as green as freshly cut grass in the spring and flowers that sprout from every square inch of the expanse. The image is vivid in my head." showed me how important and intriguing the tree is to the narrator even though it may not seem like much to others. This led me to believing the forest will be very important. Also, I really liked how you used absolutes in the line, "As I tiptoe down the stairs, lips sealed and fists clenched, trying hard not to get caught, I flinch a bit as I reach the last step." Good Job!
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ReplyDeleteYour work here with complex vocabulary adds so much to the chapter! Most stories start off pretty boring, considering time to introduce the setting and characters, but yours is rich with descriptive language that makes the writing much more intense and interesting. Some words that caught my eye were ‘hastily’ and ‘tearing’ in the line “I respond hastily, tearing open my binder,’ really bring out the quick thinking your protagonist, Katherine, has to do around Dan to get him to go away. Another line with great use of vocabulary is, “the ground beneath me rumbles, causing me to jolt slightly.” This line uses really specific verbs that tell the reader exactly what is going on. Exemplary work, Maggie, and I am very interested in what further chapters will entail!
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing Maggie! You used a lot of mature vocabulary that enhanced the piece. One line that stuck out to me was, “the ground beneath me rumbles." This makes it easier to picture the scene in the reader's mind. Also, when you said "I respond hastily," you can tell the tone of the piece.
ReplyDeleteMaggie, I really like your piece with all of the details you used and the figurative language you had. I picked up on a mood right away I thought you built into the story perfectly. I thought Katherine felt a mood of lonlyness and imgining. She only really had imginary freinds. "A world where, ‘imaginary friends’ you could say, still exist". This line showing that Katherine feelss imginary freinds still exist with this being the case for her.
ReplyDeleteMaggie this was an amazing piece. I loved how you made Kate's emotions come to life. You used a lot of detail in this piece including the line "My lack of balance causes me to wobble and almost fall, nearly waking the sleeping giant". I also like how you put the word family in quotation marks which suggests that Kate doesn't feel like she's in a family without her dad. Overall an amazing piece really good job.
ReplyDeleteMaggie, this is a really good piece! I love the figurative language in the line, "My lack of balance causes me to wobble and almost fall, nearly waking the sleeping giant." to further describe the point that you had made earlier in the story of how Dan was always sleeping. Also how you had added that he had, "in the other hand is a bottle of God knows what" to add the detail that he was also always drinking. Great job!
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