As I wait
With my eyes looking around like a hawk waiting for its prey
My ears open
Ready to strike
Hands sweating
Then I hear a sudden sound
I spin around like dreidel on hanukkah
Nothing but a couple of lousy squirrels
The first hour passes
Then the second
Then the third day
Still nothing
Food running low
An animal must die so I can survive
Thinking I might die in the woods
Then I hear a loud sound over the next hill
I look up
I see a huge rack of horns
I scope in
I finally see a deer’s dark right eye
The eye is like a small black hole
BANG
I miss to its left
TCH-GCK
I reload
I scope in again
I take a deep breath
BANG
The deer drops like a sack of potatoes
I scamper over to my kill like a cheetah
Atlast I beat the Wild
-Riley Mitchell
This poem was tremendously marvelous. I thought the line, "Hands sweating," set the mood and emphasized that it is dramatic.
ReplyDeleteI really like your poem. It's very relatable. And I think the central idea is about calmness. Because "I miss to its left/TCH-GCK/I reload/I scope in again/I take a deep breath/BANG" This shows that Riley didn't panic when she missed, instead Riley stayed calm and took the shot.
ReplyDeleteI admire the use of Onomatopoeia in your poem. It almost brings the poem alive in the sounds the hunt. In the lines, "Ready to strike, hands sweating" makes me imagine the tension and anxiety she/he is going through.
ReplyDeleteI like the similes you use in your poem, such as "I spin around like dreidel on hanukkah." This really allows me to picture what your writing.
ReplyDeleteYour poem was great! I like the simile you used,"The eye is like a small black hole". Your poetic devices really help create the message of your poem.
ReplyDelete