The gut wrenching vibration of the train makes my bare feet shake. I open my eyes to a large number of people. I gasp desperately for fresh air, but all I get is humid, sweat tasting air. I frantically look around. My head is filled with a million questions. Where am I, why is my head pounding, and why is my memory so clouded?  Unbearable hunger strikes my stomach; I ignore it. I look across the room to see a woman silently sitting there with her arms wrapped around her legs, her bones sticking out from under her skin.

“Where am I?” I spit out of my dry mouth. She peers up at my face just in time for me to see the blood stained side of her face. Little drops of blood glisten while dropping to the floor. She looks so afraid, as if fearing her own life. I immediately stop talking. I try to stand up but am met with a loud clunk as my head is at the top of, well, I'm not exactly sure what it is. I scoot around to see hundreds of people squeezed shoulder to shoulder just like stalks of corn in a corn field. We are being transported like cargo. I get another whiff of the hideous smell. I cough. They all look to have no more life in them. “Where are we?” I rephrased.

Behind the coughs and cries, I’m able to make out a small voice. “לגיהנום,” they cry. Although I can’t remember anything, I’m still able to translate my native language. “To hell.” All of a sudden, we stop. I slowly sit back. The doors open with a loud bang. The people by the door, with what little strength they have left, scatter from the door.  The blinding light hits my pupils as I begin to blink; I can’t see anything. The cool air on my cheeks makes me feel relieved.

“Mehr Ratten!” A large man outside yells while laughing.

 “Everybody out!” says another man, holding the door. No one moves. He reaches to his side to pull out a gun. I scatter. He rings out a shot into the air. I see a flash. I see Mr. Berenson, my neighbor, lying on the ground. I see Mama and Papa.

“It's okay, darling; it's okay, everything will be fine.” Mama’s voice. Lila, my sister, and Papa. Suddenly I remember everything. I run out of the overpacked train. I’m shoved into the small, little room where I am with limited air. I look around, trying to find a way out. I need to find my family. Whatever I do, I can tell I won’t last too long.

“You don’t want to do that,” says a voice. I peer over to the man. He looks beaten up.

“Why not?” I say.

“We can’t escape; they'll kill us, they’ll kill us all.” The man is barley able to speak until he’s dragged out by a Nazi. The man squirms his boney limbs, but he is no match for the Nazi. I stare out the door to see a large open field with layers and layers of barbed wire fencing. I scoff. They really don’t want us to leave. I close my eyes; there has to be a way out. The second I open them back up I see another Nazi trotting toward our buildng. I stand back.

“Change into these.” He throws a big pile of striped clothes in the center of the room. I walk over to grab them. I’ve learned my lesson not to wait for them to say it twice. I strip down to my underwear to change. The clothing’s stench stings my nose. I gag a little.

We are lined up into a room with a man with a razor sitting in a chair, clumps of hair on the ground. After the man finishes shaving down all our beautiful brown locks, he leaves. Suddenly a loud gunshot rings into my ear. I jump. My curiosity takes the best of me as I look outside.

“No. No please, I beg of you please have mercy. Don’t do this!” It’s the same old  man I saw before lying on the ground, guarding himself with his hands. The Nazi looks at him with no empathy in his eyes, puts the end of the gun to the man’s forehead and shoots.

“NOO!” a woman yells over the man's lifeless body. How could anyone do this?

“Take him away,” the Nazi asserts to another.

After sun down I’m set to sleep in a small cot with three others. I lie down onto the hard cot, hunger striking my stomach again.

“Everybody up!” a man yells. I spring up. I barely get any sleep. I can’t stop thinking about Mama and Papa, but I've convinced myself. I’m either going to escape or die trying. I can’t bear the fact of leaving this world like that man did.

  I walk outside to see another train full of people getting unloaded. I silently pray for all the lives that are going to be lost at this camp. A big man shows me to a huge room where tons and tons of bales of hay lay. He directs another couple of people to help me and then shows himself out.

“We can’t exist like this, what are we going to do?” escapes my mouth.

“There's nothing we can do, we can’t escape, they'll kill us,“ she spits through her clenched teeth.

“Well, there has to be, we can’t just wait to die!  What if we-”

“There's nothing to do, okay?! They're going to kill us no matter what! Have you not seen the wires, we can’t leave!” she yells. I shut my mouth. I can’t trust anyone anymore. I'm by myself now; it's time I’ve realized by now. I'll escape though, I'm determined. 

I heave the heavy bales across the field, memorizing each small path, groaning through pain with each one.

After hours of sweat and blood it’s finally time for supper. We’re sectioned off into groups to scoop disgusting looking soup into bowls. I get a small loaf of bread on the side. The soups are sour with what looks like potatoes and sausage, and the bread stale. I still swallow it down fast anyways.

“Is it good?” says a girl. I look over to see the same girl who so rudely yelled at me earlier.

“Not really,” I answer; I don’t look up at her.

“This is all we really get to eat anyways,” she laughs. After she senses my emotion, her face drops. “My name's Rina.” I look up at her. I examine her further. She must be around my little sister's age, about 10 or 11. She has dark colored eyes, and from the looks of her eyebrows, brown hair. She’s a brave girl, not afraid to speak her mind.

“My name's Alya,” I smile. She finishes her soup and cleans up. Although I convinced myself not to trust anyone, there’s something about Rina thatI feel comforting. I feel the need to protect her at all costs.

 I follow my usual routine for the next couple of days, evaluating my options every day. I examine every exit closely. Memorizing the Nazis' work patterns. Day through night, with every little speck of detail during work I notice a slight little rabbit hole under the fence.  I have been taking off little chunks of dirt each day. I tell Rina the plan every day I get closer. I’ve been planning for weeks. The other jews have been picked off to the gas chamber one by one; less than half remain.

During another day of work I perfect my plans. I yank Rina into a small room with me.  “Okay, we only have one chance at this, you understand, right?” She nods. “When we get put to bed you are not going to fall asleep. When I hear loud German voices by the door I’ll know they’ll be switching guards. That's when I’ll go over to you. You must be ready.”

“But what if they hear us,” she asks in her sweet, innocent voice.

“They won’t,” I answer. “You will be quiet; do not make any sound. We are going to go outside and hide ourselves behind this building. We are going to dig a hole. I’ve started it, but we still need to dig more. You will go first.”

“Well, what about you?” she asks solemnly.

I smile. “I’ll be right behind you.”

“Okay.”

“But most importantly, when you get through that gate, you will run. Do not look back. And if anything happens to me, you will keep running, and do not come back for me. Got it?” She nods. I can feel my voice cracking. I’m not sure if she's ready for this, but we can’t wait any longer; we’re closer to death every day.

When we are put to bed I lie down. This is it. The night I have been waiting for the minute I got here. Freedom.  I can’t wait to be free. I close my eyes for a while until I hear the voices I’ve been listening for all night.

I get up. I tiptoe slowly over to Rina. I tap her, and she immediately opens her eyes. She slowly creeps out of bed as I open the door a crack, the cold wind shocking my face. No one in sight. This is better than I expected. My fingertips leave the door. I take a sharp turn. I point to the bunny hole, the same old hole I've been staring at for the last few weeks. I crouch down slowly digging, the dirt gathering in my fingernails. Rina helps me.

“Alya,” she whispers.

“Shh, what is it?”

“I’m scared.” I somehow know she is going to say this. I look into her dark eyes.

“I know you are. I am too, but I’d rather be free and scared than captured and scared.” She starts blinking fast. “It's okay, darling, it's okay; everything will be fine.” I use Mama's exact words. My eyes well up.

 Once the hole is big enough, I kiss Rina on the cheek and let her go. She glides her hand from my elbow all the way down to the tip of my cold finger.

“Hey you, stop!” a booming voice yells. We stare up. A large man’s sprinting towards us from the other side of the field. Rina’s half way under the barbed wire fence.

“Rina, Go, Go!” I shout.

“Alya No!!” she screams back from the trees. I can see her salty tears streaming down her face. BOOM!

I make it half way until I stop. I can suddenly feel my heartbeat. My body’s not freezing anymore. I feel everything go into slow motion. I look down to see red blood pooling out of my chest. I look up just in time to see Rina's small little face. Through the pain in my body I use my last strength to smile. She turns and runs. I can see her breaking down, but it’s okay. She's safe. My mind starts to flash again, all the memories of Mama, and Papa and Lila. It's okay, darling, it's okay; everything will be fine. Although I’m not able to save myself, I'm not sorry. I save Rina, and I'm satisfied with her living on for me.

 

 

 

 

-Teanne Z.