“Oww, my head! What
happened?” I feel like I just got hit in the head by a bus. The last thing I remember is that I was
boarding the freshly polished plane to go on a beautiful vacation to Puerto
Rico with my family. I was fine. Did I fall or did I slip? What happened? Where
am I---”
“Honey, calm down. I’m trying to help you,” says a serene
voice that I haven’t heard before.
“Hello? Who are you?” I am so confused right now, where am
I? What am I doing in this person’s house? I sit up on the old ripped couch
and look around. The house smells of freshly baked cookies, but everywhere I
look there are clusters of dust, on the shiny wood floor, on the aged coffee
table that is in front of me, even on the house phone that is sitting on the
kitchen counter. I have never seen a house this… umm, unique... in my life. I
look around the house and notice that all of the walls are painted neutral, as
if someone was trying to make the house seem normal.
“Why don’t we start with your name? I’m Leigh,” The lady suddenly
says.
“I’m Mericaus, but everyone calls me Marci.”
“Hi Marci, how do you feel? D-do you remember what happened?”
Leigh says a bit nervously. Hmm, I wonder why Leigh just stuttered like
that? Is she hiding something?
“No, I’m sorry. The last thing I remember is that I was about
to board the plane when something happened, but I don’t know what,” I say
suspiciously.
“That’s okay, we will find out eventually, sweety,” Leigh
says, sounding anxious.
“Can I just ask you one thing?” I say.
“Sure, anything,” Leigh says in a soft sweet tone of voice.
“How did I get here, at your house?”
“Well, where do I start? Okay, why don’t I start with what my
job is. I work at the St. Michaels Airport Monday through Friday. My job is
just so thrilling; I love working at the airport so much! Everyday is a new
adventure! I have been working at the airport for almost four years now; I know
just about everybody that works there, especially the people who work at the
bright green coffee shop! I go there everyday!
Any questions so far, Marci?” Leigh says. Hmm… I don’t really know
what to say, Leigh seems like a sweet lady, but something just doesn’t feel
right. I know I must sound crazy, but I don’t think Leigh is who she says she
is. I don’t know yet, but I’ll find out sooner or later. “Marci? Earth to
Marci? Are you there?” Oh yeah! I almost forgot that Leigh was standing
here, right in front of my eyes!
“Yeah, sorry, I’m here. I just started thinking, and I got
deep into thought,” I say, hoping Leigh will believe me.
“That’s okay dear, I do that sometimes too; what were you
thinking about?” Oh no! What am I going to tell her?
“Um, well, I was just thinking about how all of this could
have happened. I mean, I don’t remember falling in the airport, and even if I
did fall, my parents wouldn’t just leave. So I don’t really understand.” As I
say this, I see Leigh’s eyes get a little bit bigger, as if she knows where my
parents are and how I got here.
“I know dear, it must be hard knowing how your parents really
feel about you,” Leigh says in her somewhat soothing tone. SLAM!
“What was that?” I say, sounding surprised that Leigh would
have any guests. I mean, not to be rude, but Leigh doesn’t seem like the person
to live with anyone. She is a little pudgy, has a scrunched up face, and has
snarly red hair that kind of just falls into her eyes… if you can imagine that.
But still, Leigh looks young, maybe in her thirties or so.
“Oh, don’t mind her; that is just my daughter coming home
from high school. What grade are you in, Marci?” Leigh sits up straight and
acts as if she actually cares when she asks this question, as if she is being
judged by college scouts. “You stay here, I’ll go deal with her,” Leigh says
while rolling her eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I can faintly see a girl. She
has curly pitch black hair and is wearing a bright pink dress. That couldn’t
possibly be Leigh’s daughter! I mean, at least they would have the same
nose shape or eyes color, but from where I am sitting, still on the old ripped
couch covered with dust, I can’t see any resemblance.
“Okay,” I say in a relieved voice. To be honest, Leigh is
actually a little exasperating, just the way she talks to me, like I’m a baby.
I am not a baby! I am fifteen years old, I am in high school, and I can almost
drive!
KNOCK KNOCK! I look up and see Leigh and her daughter standing in the
doorway; now I can see that they do look like each other. But the weird thing
is, now Leigh’s daughter is wearing a sweatshirt and leggings, not the pink
dress that I saw her in five minutes ago. Also, her hair seems to be a lighter
brown instead of the pitch black hair that I saw before.
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” I say as nicely as I can without
acting like anything is different.
“Hey,” Leigh’s high school daughter says as she turns on a
brighter light in the room. I can’t believe what I am seeing! Now, in the
lighted room, Leigh’s daughter looks EXACTLY like Leigh! It is like they are
clones. Hmm… maybe they are clones. That can’t be true; clones don’t
exist! Maybe they are the reason that I’m here, at Leigh and her daughter’s
house. But why do they want me here? Why me? I guess I’m right back where I
started… confused.
“Okay girls, I’ll leave you to alone so you can get to know
each other… okay?” Leigh asks in a tone that seems like she isn’t taking ‘no’
for an answer.
“Okay,” both Leigh’s look-alike daughter and I say in
unison.
So, after five awkward minutes of silence, which feels like a
year, I decide to speak.
“So,” I say suddenly, “what’s your name?”
“Leanne,” Leigh’s daughter answers.
“Leanne? You and your mom’s names are almost the same!” I
say, surprised, but I kind of expect their names to be alike since they look
almost like twins.
“I know, there is a secret behind it… I’ll tell you what it
is if you want.” I am surprised that Leanne is so nice and friendly. On the
outside, Leanne looks like the kind of person who isn’t friendly, but on the
inside, she is actually really amiable.
“You can tell me if you want to; I don’t want to invade in
anyone’s privacy,” I say, even though I really did want to know what the secret
is, especially if it was about why Leigh and Leanne look so much alike.
“First, we have to make sure my mom isn’t listening to us,
okay?” Leanne says in a very serious whispering tone.
“Okay, but why?” I ask curiously.
“Because my mother has a very dangerous secret, and if it
gets out that I’m telling people what it is, I’ll be done for,” Leanne says
with a stern face.
“Okay, Leanne, I understand. We can check if she is
listening, and then can you tell me what her secret is?” I really want to know
what Leigh is hiding. If it is so bad that NO ONE in the WORLD can know about
it, then it will probably be bad.
“Yes, after we make sure the coast is clear, then I’ll tell
you,” Leanne says.
After we
make sure the coast is clear, Leanne starts telling me about her mother’s
secret.
“Okay, so my ‘mother’ is not really my mother,” Leanne says
in a slow speaking tone while she uses quotations around the word ‘mother.’
“WHAT?!” I say, surprised.
“Shh, Marci! We can’t let my ‘mom’ hear us!” Leanne says,
getting nervous.
“Oh! I forgot, sorry Leanne, I’ll be quiet now,” I say while
I try to whisper.
“Okay, now, my ‘mother’ cloned herself; that’s how I am alive
right now. My ‘mother’ cloned herself in high school, so this is what she
looked like in high school,” Leanne says in a relieved voice. Wow, I don’t
think Leanne has ever told anyone about this. It must feel good to finally get
it of her chest.
“So let me get all of this straight. You’re ‘mother’ cloned
herself in high school, so you are your ‘mother’ in HIGH SCHOOL?” I am in
shock. Leanne’s ‘mother’ couldn’t have been this easy going in high school!
“Yeah, but don’t tell anyone I told you this, okay?” Leanne
says in a worried voice.
“Okay. Also Leanne...” I pause for a second, “can you help me
get back to my parents’ please?” I say in a tone that sounds like I’m a
helpless kitten that needs to find its mom.
“Yes, I have been trying to get you back to your parents
since you got here this morning,” Leanne says in a concerned voice.
“And Leane, do you know HOW exactly I got here?” I ask in a
still very confused voice.
“Well, my mother was at the airport, and then she saw your
hair. My mother has a hair obsession and loves people’s hair. She realized that
you were with your family, so she went over to you and your family and offered
them each a free candy sample. Inside the samples was an energy drink that if
you don’t drink it often, then you pass out for about an hour. You had a sample
too, and when you passed out, my ‘mother’ picked you up and dragged you to her
car. She then stuffed your family in a storage closet and locked the door. When
you and my ‘mother’ got home, my ‘mother’ cut off about half of your hair. That
is why you have short hair now.” What!? I have short hair? When did that
happen!? “Then, I came home and pretended like I didn’t know anything about
it, but I really followed my ‘mother’ to the airport this morning and watched
everything that happened. So, that’s about everything that happened,” Leanne
says, practically out of breath, as if she just ran a marathon.
“Wow,” I say, speechless, “can you bring me to my parents
then, please?” I ask Leanne.
“Sure, but we have to sneak out tonight,” Leanne says softly
and quickly.
“Okay, I’ll get ready,” I say, getting excited to leave this
place. I am really excited to finally be going back to my family. I know it has
only been a day, but it feels like a year. I just hope Leanne is going to be
okay here, you know, with her ‘mother’ and all.
While I get ready, I hear Leanne’s mother yelling at her.
“Leanne Jenna Donn! Get over here! Where do you think you’re
going this late at night?” Leigh says in an enraged voice. Oh no, Leanne
must have gotten caught trying to come into the dusty old room that I’m staying
in! What are we going to do…? I begin to think more rapidly, and I start to
get nervous, like you do before a big test. I can’t think straight, and when I
get nervous, I pass out…
After I wake up, I feel like I’ve just fallen from the top of
a building and hit the ground below.
“Marci? Are you okay? You hit your head pretty hard there,
Hon.” I hear a voice, but my eyes haven’t quite adjusted to the now glaring
light in my face.
“Where-where am I?” I say in a confused voice. I can’t
take anymore surprises today. I open my eyes and look up. I see five people
looking at me. I think I remember four of the people… but I’m not sure.
“Mommy, MarMar’s awake!” says the little girl who I know from
somewhere. Wait a minute, only my family calls me MarMar! Leanne must
have given me one of those candies with the energy drink inside of it and left
me at the airport with my family!
“Hi Mom! Hi Dad! Hi Mila! Hi Maxx!” I say in a cheerful voice
now that I know that I’m with my family again. “My friend Leanne brought me
back here! I was stuck in this lady’s house! I’m so happy to be back!” I say,
not knowing that everyone is looking at me like I have three heads.
“Um Marci?” my Mom says, confused, “you’ve been laying here
for the past three hours; you didn’t go anywhere, or leave this airport.”
“Wait, What!? But I remember that I was at this lady named
Leigh’s house. And she had a daughter named Leanne! I know I was there, for
real,” I say, getting anxious.
“This will happen to a person who has just passed out,” an
unfamiliar voice says, “they will experience dreams that seem to come to life.”
“WHAT!? This was all a dream?” I say with horror. I can’t
believe that dreams can feel so real! I thought Leanne was a nice person trying
to help me! “Well, I guess I’m just crazy,” I say.
“You’re not crazy!” my dad says with humorous empathy. “You’re
just a little bit insane!” Even at this time, my dad still has a sense of
humor.
“Well… why is everybody just standing there like an old bag
of rocks?” I say, getting impatient. “Let's go home!” As I sit there with my
dirty blonde hair all messed up and sweat dripping from my forehead, I realize
something; Leigh was right, even if I did make her up in my head. I finally do
know how my family feels about me.
-Hannah
Webber
Hannah, I really like how you used figurative language to bring your story to life! Some lines from your story that I thought were powerful were: "I start to get nervous, like you do before a big test." and "Practically out of breath, like she just ran a marathon." When I read these lines I could picture in my head what it was like, so nice job with that! In the beginning to middle of the story you talked a lot about what the room you were in looked like. "I sit up on the old ripped up couch, and look around. The house smells like freshly baked cookies, but everywhere I look there are clusters of dust , on the shiny wood floor, on the aged coffee table that is in front of me." That was a good use of sensory language. I think the central idea is family, and I think the lesson is don't assume before you know the real truth/answer because of the line "I finally do know how my family feels about me." Great Job!! :)))
ReplyDeleteHannah your story is really good. The way you described things was really good like" Oh no, Leanne must have gotten caught trying to come into the dusty old room that I’m staying in!" When I read it I could picture a old dusty room.Good job Hannah.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome piece! It is full of description and you get a really good sense of the character throughout the story. You used some great figurative language like similes, like the line where you say, I feel like I just got hit in the head by a bus. Great work!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete
DeleteHannah, you do a nice job of using sensory language,"The house smells of freshly baked cookies, but everywhere I look there are clusters of dust, on the shiny wood floor, on the aged coffee table that is in front of me, even on the house phone that is sitting on the kitchen counter." It really makes the reader feel like they are in the house; it brings the setting to life. You also do do a nice job of using figurative language, "I say in a tone that sounds like I’m a helpless kitten that needs to find its mom." The quote shows great figurative language, and vulnerability
Hannah, I really like how you started off your story with dialogue. I like your descriptive language, like in the line "has a scrunched up face, and has snarly red hair that kind of just falls into her eyes." I also like how you used a different font when Marci was thinking to herself. Going along with the font, I like how you did all caps and made some words bold. It really topped off the whole story! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHannah, you did an amazing job with this piece. I think your central idea may be self acceptance. One line to support this as the central idea is, “Leigh was right, even if I did make her up in my head. I finally do know how my family feels about me.” I think the lesson that can be learned from your story is that someone cares for you even if they don’t tell you directly. This lesson can be be applied to anyone's life because if your feel out of place or sad, remember that someone cares about you.
ReplyDeleteHannah, this piece of yours really caught my attention. It really felt as if I was with Marci the whole time she was in the weird dream that she had. The line "I mean, not to be rude but Leigh doesn't seem like the person to live with anyone. She is a little pudgy, has a scrunched up face and has snarly red hair that kind of just falls into her eyes... if you can imagine that. But still, Leigh looks young, maybe in her thirties or so." proves that you really set the characters in the story to have a specific contribution to the story and through that, it also contributes to the plot. The sensory language that you used really put the setting firmly and helped the readers understand what exactly was going on. Overall, great fiction piece, Hannah!
ReplyDelete