It had been a Monday like any other Monday. Until I walked into a room full of bleak faces. You could practically smell the sorrow. I knew what it was, the cancer had won, and my grandma was gone. My grandma had always been around, so things were going to change quite a bit. If it was going to dinner, having a family game night or something, she was always there. Even if it was just playing cards, she wanted nothing more than to be to be spending time with us.

She had been sick with cancer and had been getting chemotherapy for about six months prior. At first she was only really sick the few days before and after her treatment, but besides that she had still seemed like her normal self. Not until about two months ago could you tell that the cancer was really starting to get to her, and that it wasn’t going to be much longer. Since she lived by herself there was always someone with her; whether she came and stayed at our house for the weekend or she had someone staying the night with her she was never alone in the last few months. We would go and visit her whenever we got the chance on weekends or coming home from games. I really knew that it was almost time when my dad started spending every night with her. He had done the same thing when my grandpa was ready to pass away a few years ago, so I knew what was happening.

My grandma and I were really close. I went and saw her probably once a week if not more while she was getting sicker. In seventh grade I would take the bus to her house after school and she would ask me about how my day went and what homework I had to do or how my classes were going. She was one person that if I had something that I had to get off my chest she would always listen and give her two cents about it.

When our parents told us that our grandma had passed away, we already knew what they were going to tell us; they didn’t even have to say a word. They just had that look on their faces that we could tell what was going on. My mom picked Keira and I up from school and my dad had picked up Caleb. They had wanted to tell us all at the same time, so they didn’t say anything until we were all home. We were in the kitchen when my dad told us what had happened. The only question that I had was, “when did it happen?” My dad told us that it had been around lunch time that same day. Of course, the natural thing to do would have been to cry, which we all did in our own kind of way.

I am very appreciative of the people that were there for me the week after I found out. I don’t know if I would have been able to get through it without them. If I needed anything I knew that I could ask multiple people and they would have been there to help me with it.

In school on Tuesday it was hard to stay focused because I had a lot going through my mind about everything. Just simple things were different now for everyone, such as decorating the Christmas tree. Around Christmas time every year our grandma would come to our house and we would all decorate the tree together. I can’t remember a time when my grandma wasn’t there for Christmas. My grandma was clumsy and broke at least one ornament every year, so my dad joked about breaking one in honor of her this year.

The Thursday after she had passed we had her wake. We had gotten picked up from school and gone straight to the funeral home. We were there for probably two and half hours, and no matter how late it was getting there was always a line of people. It wasn’t until that day that I realized how many people’s lives can be affected by the loss of just one person. There were people there who had been childhood friends of hers who she hadn’t seen in twenty years, but in the time that they had known each other she had made an impact on their lives.

            The next day (Friday) we had her funeral, so we didn’t go to school. It took up most of the day. At the beginning of the day we had her services, which were held in the church that she always attended. After that we went to the cemetery where we stood outside in the freezing cold while we waited for people to get out of their cars. Then they had the burial, but she had asked to be cremated, so there was just a picture of her next to my grandfather’s grave. Then that was it, she was really gone.

During her services and after, it finally started to hit me that I wasn’t going to be able to see her, or talk to her, or do anything with her again. This still continuously hits me now, especially when we are cleaning out her house and all of the stuff that she had. Just being in her house can put a tear in my eye; even though I know that she is in a better place now it still hurts sometimes.          

Although we all tend to miss people once they are gone, they aren’t ever really gone. Just because they aren’t a body standing beside you they are always in your heart if you believe. It took me a bit to figure this out, but every once and a while I would see little things that would remind me of my grandma, and that has shown me that she is still here watching over me everyday.  And because of this, my grandma will always be holding a special place in my heart.

-Kailey Jacobson