How
He Came
Chapter Two
(Chapter
One can be found in the Our Writing tab titled 2017-2018: Independent
Writing Piece)
Emily
A boy with inky black
hair and icy blue eyes is helping me pick up all the papers that fell from my
hand.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,”
he says to me. His voice is a bit raspy, as if he has been screaming for a
while.
“It’s okay,” I say to
him. I look at him for a few seconds. He’s studying me. Heart pounding, my eyes
flicker back to the tiled ground of the hallway. It’s getting hot in here.
Finally, he hands me the papers.When he spins around I catch sight of the
familiar bomber jacket, the same type of bomber jacket that was the start to
all my pain. My throat starts to close up. Tears well up in my eyes.
“Again, I’m sorry for
knocking you over. I usually watch my step.” He starts to laugh, thinking it is
funny. Then he stops abruptly.
He looks at me and
asks, “Hey,”in a soft voice, “you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I say, but
it sounds more like a croak to me. Tears blinding, I push past him. I start
walking down the sudden, claustrophobic hallway. The blue and yellow lockers
blurr by me.
“Hey, wait up!” I don’t.
I just want out of this hall, out of this wing, out of this school. Mind racing, I sprint out of the library
wing. I stop when I reach the front door, thinking about all the times I used
to walk out with a smile on my face instead of tears streaming down. I heave a
strangled breath. I push the metal door open. I walk out into the vacant
parking lot. I turn in a circle; it is as empty as my soul. I turn back to the
direction of my bike and hop on.
~~~~~~~~
“MOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Emy's home!!” Levin yells as I enter the house. He’s always home earlier than
me. He attends Frazzleberry Elementary School. He loves it.
“Levin, come here,
Buddy!” I stand in the bright, open foyer with my arms wide open, waiting for
him to run into them. This has become our ritual for the last year. He always
wants to cheer me up.
“Emy!!” he yells.
Grabbing ahold of the hem of my shirt, he hoists himself up. Arms cradling, we
walk into the kitchen. We walk like a mama and baby gorilla.
The kitchen is huge and
wide open. When you walk in, all you see is the glossy island with all the chef
appliances. All the light from the windows radiates almost a heavenly feel into
the kitchen. Mother is baking cookies right smack in the middle, which makes
her look almost like an angel.
“So tell me, Emily, how
was school?” she asks as I walk in. My mother is covered in flour. She looks
frantic, like a deer caught in headlights. Even though she’s a mess, my mother
is beautiful. She has platinum blonde hair and stormy gray eyes. Her usual is
her scrubs, lab coat and stethoscope around her neck. Right now in the kitchen,
she’s wearing a worn out t-shirt and black yoga pants.
“It was okay.” I go
over to my waiting mother and give her a light peck on the check. Her small
smile grows into a full on grinn. I turn to go, but mother tugs on my arm. She
pulls me toward her and wraps her strong arms around me. With a squeeze, she
lets me go.
With a plate of cookies
in hand, I walk up into my room ready to cry myself to sleep. Today’s events
have taken a toll on me. I walk to my bookshelf to get a book, but as I see the
picture frame, I neglect the book and go straight to crying.
Jaden
Running four laps
around the football field after practice is just awful. My limbs and muscles
are worn out. As we run into the locker room to finally change, take a shower
and go home, Coach Matty Patty slapps our backs.
“Great job, boys, we
got this game in the bag,” he says. Like always, the locker room is too full
with all the guys. The locker room smells of cheap products and sweat. I wait
almost a half an hour to just go take a shower. Then the waiting for Luke. He
takes his sweet time, so I’m left in the locker room doing homework.
Seating on the rough,
creaky bench, I plot a revenge plan on Luke. I vividly imagine all the things I
could use to get revenge on him. Maybe scaring him and videotaping it. Luke
screams like a girl. He screams like a girl who is finding out she’s wearing
the same outfit as someone else. I smirk to myself, I’m going to have a good
time with this.
“Jaden, man, how are
you?” I look up, and standing there is my arch nemesis, Calvin Luther. There
was a time in ancient history when we were friends. We would do everything
together, soccer and football mainly. One day in middle school I had a
girlfriend. She has dark brown hair and
chocolate color skin with bright gray eyes.
She was a very petite girl, but I loved the way she made me laugh and
feel happy. One day Calvin was talking to her like any other day, but turns out
he was trying to provoke her to cheat on me. With his golden hair and green eyes,
any girl would do what he says so they can have a chance with him. Calvin’s
known as the golden boy when it comes to girl groups. The next day I find a
note in my locker saying she detests me and she found someone else that is much
better than me. That was the day when he turned into my arch nemesis.
“I’m good. How about
you?”
“Oh…. I’m doing
amazing. Clara, she is just amazing. You should meet her. She’s beautiful too.”
He throws a smirk over his shoulder and walks away.
~~~~~~~~
“Helloooooooooooooooo/It’ssssss
meeeeeeeeeeeeeee/I’ve beennnnnn wondering/ If afterrrrrrr allllllllll
theseeeeeeeee yearssssssssssss you’ve likedddd to beeeeeeee ………..” The windows
are down and the fresh air is soothing, like always.The sun is going down and
the birds are chirping. Luke and I have this thing were we scream song lyrics
at the top of our lungs after practice.
“Boys, quiet down!!!!!”
a lady yells at us from across the street. She’s watering her plants, and her dog is running circles around her.
That’s when we usually stop. I slow the speed down on my truck.
“Jaden….,” Luke says.
He is a bit out of breath because of all the screaming. “Do you want to come
in?” I stop at the foot of his driveway. Luke lives at the typical family
friendly home. Clean cut lawn, flower pots, and white picket fences.
“No, it’s okay.” Luke’s
deep brown hair is a mess. His face is flush red, which contrasts with his
amber eyes. He jumps out of the car like a predator pouncing on its prey.
He goes up to his front
door and hugs his mom with that look in his eyes. We almost lost his mother to
cancer. She has been battling for four years, and finally she’s cancer free. I
remember the dark ages; Luke would sneak into my house because he was all alone
and he didn’t want to think about all the “What ifs.” His mother now is healthy and strong. She has
kept her head bald to showcase all the struggles she has been through. Her bald
head also reminds her that life is too short. If you want to do something, then
do it today and not tomorrow.
“Son, how was practice?”
Luke is an exact clone of his father. The difference between them is that now
his dad has some wrinkles around the eyes.
“Great.” Luke has that
tight family that loves one another. I can’t say the same thing about my
family.
“Jaden, Son, are you
staying for dinner?”
“No Mr.Maddox. My momma
is expecting me home soon.”
“Ok, Son. Drive safe.”
Ever since I was a child both Mr. and Mrs. Maddox called me Son. They both want
another child, but it didn’t happen, so I was their second child. They love me
like I’m their own.
I always cut through
neighborhoods to get home instead of taking the highway. I love the feel of fresh air circulating
through my truck. I love to see all the families sitting on their porches,
reading or fighting with one another.
I see someone I
recognize, so I stop the truck to the side and see if I should say hi. Out of
all the people it could be, it’s Emily. I always liked her, not in the
girlfriend way but in the friend way. She has that aspect about her before everything
changed. Once her life took a different course, Emily wouldn’t smile, make
jokes or laugh. It’s as if the light in her all of a sudden went out. I love
the sound of her laughter. It’s as hardy as my momma’s green bean casserole.
The Emily now is a distant and sorrowful person. She always had a glow to her,
only one person brought that out in her, and that person is gone. She starts to
walk by with a kid holding onto her hand. I finally risk the glance at her
face. My mouth goes agape. It isn’t the usual scold or the tears she had in her
eyes like the other day. It is a genuine a smile. The smile lights up her face.
She is smiling with joy in her eyes. I can’t even remember the last time she
smiled like that. It’s looks beautiful. She then looks down at the kid and kisses him
on the head. I decide, why not go say hi.
-Leah Punnoose
Leah, this chapter is very interesting!! I loved how you switched from 'Emily' to 'Jaden', it makes the story more interesting to be seen from different perspectives! I really liked your use of figurative and sensory language! Some spots where I thought you used great figurative and sensory language were "Grabbing ahold of the hem of my shirt, he hoists himself up. Arms cradling, we walk into the kitchen. We walk like a mama and baby gorilla." and "She has that aspect about her before everything changed. Once her life took a different course, Emily wouldn’t smile, make jokes or laugh. It’s as if the light in her all of a sudden went out." I also loved the details you used to bring the setting to life! One spot is "We almost lost his mother to cancer. She has been battling for four years, and finally she’s cancer free. I remember the dark ages; Luke would sneak into my house because he was all alone and he didn’t want to think about all the “What ifs.” His mother now is healthy and strong." Really good job!!
ReplyDeleteGreat job, Leah! Your use of sensory language really aids in bringing the characters and setting to life. For example, "She has dark brown hair and chocolate color skin with bright gray eyes," was a great way of describing Jaden's past girlfriend. I also like the simile, "It’s as hardy as my momma’s green bean casserole." A possible central idea could be friendship. I think this because it seems that there is a special relationship between Jaden and Emily. Almost as if it's the 'opposites attract' kind of relationship. At the end of the chapter Jaden decides to say hi to Emily and maybe that could start a strong friendship between them and Emily will become a happier person.
ReplyDeleteGood work! I liked how you used sensory language to bring life into your story. You write as dialogue in the beginning, "'Oh my, I am so sorry,' he says to me. His voice is a bit raspy, as if he has been screaming for a while." Your word choice of "raspy" in describing how he says what he says helps bring some life into the story. I also liked how you used some descriptive language in, "Mother is baking cookies right smack in the middle, which makes her look almost like an angel." This aids in making the story feel more enjoyable and also portrays the environment as joyous, which was implicit in the previous sentence. Overall, you did great with this!
ReplyDeleteLeah, great job on this amazing piece of writing! I loved the descriptive language you decided to add to your writing. For example, "Tears blinding, I push past him. I start walking down the sudden, claustrophobic hallway." Describing the hallway as claustrophobic helps woth the understanding of how crowded the halls are. Also the line, "when he spins around I catch sight of the familiar bomber jacket, the same type of bomber jacket that was the start to all my pain." The bomber jacket must symbolize another person/thing that Emily had adored before that person/thing caused her great pain. Overall, excellent job in your writing Leah!
ReplyDeleteLeah, great job on this chapter. I like how you split up the paragraphs to highlight the viewpoints of Emily and Jaden. The way you did it was perfect and really brought the story to life. I think a possible central idea may be relationships. Lines to support this are, “It’s looks beautiful. She then looks down at the kid and kisses him on the head. I decide, why not go say hi.” I think a lesson people can apply to their own lives is to not be scared to do something because you never know what could come from it.
ReplyDeleteLeah, great piece! I loved when you used sensory language with the lines, "She has platinum blonde hair and stormy gray eyes," and also "His face is flush red, which contrasts with his amber eyes." The sensory language, along with lots of figurative language, really helped me imagine the story and intense emotions in it.
ReplyDelete