Chapter One
"Grandpa, Grandpa! Please tell us a story!!" they shouted in unison. The twins sat down looking longingly at their grandfather.
"Alright, little ones, but only one, then you two have to go to sleep." Picking them up, he started rocking in the chair and humming an upbeat tune.
The radio crackled as "Take the A Train" ebbed to an end. All I could hear was the malarkey of families starting to line up for miles behind me, trying to get what little food they could from the soup kitchens. In the distance, little children became impatient and started to whine.
"Hello, William." He walked by with a small bowl of chicken and gravy. I sighed;of course he already got his food. He practically lives by the kitchen. Before I could speak, he darted away. What could he be doing? Why does he always walk away and refuse to talk with me?
I sat on the ground, daffodils starting to peek through the tall, green grass. The rancid smell of sweat filled my lungs as I took a deep breath. An ear-splitting scream filled the air, causing me to jump up and spill the plate of food all over. I rushed to where the sound was coming from to see people gathered, looking at the floor. There lie a motionless body, legs and arms contorted as a red puddle formed around.
"What happened?" I looked up to the man next to me for a response.
"The guy jumped from that Hooverville sign over there saying he was tired of living and to tell his brother he was sorry." He paused. "Y'know, he kind of looked like you, same hair and everything."
"Oh ok.ay" Pacing away, I trembled with fear, thoughts running as fast as a freight train. Please don't tell me he jumped, he was all I have left. Maybe that was the reason he didn't talk to me. No. He wouldn't have. He can't. I need him. Looking at the body, I broke down sobbing. He did it.
Chapter Two
"Get inside!!!!!" Over a thousand feet high, a wave of dust going on for miles was rapidly approaching like a herd of wildebeest. People were frantically shuffling to gather necessities and hide. Others approached their Chevrolets to try and outrun the storm. I stood there, helpless; I had been living on the streets ever since the incident. There's no outrunning the storm, so what should I do? A tug on my arm brought me back, and a girl motioned for me to follow her. I hesitated.
"Do you want to sit out here and face that dust storm?" Whirling around, she started to run, and I struggled to keep up.
"Wait," I yelled, "Slow down!"
"Just a little further!" I watched as she turned and started jogging again. Gathering what little energy I had left, I pushed myself to keep up with her.
We entered a small home, thin metal sheets now boarding the windows, chairs propped up against the outer doors, and a tall, broad man stood inside.
"Hey Dad, this is… a kid I helped who was on the streets."
"Well hello there, my name is Bart, and yours?" he inquired.
"M-my name is William." A sweet smell filled my senses as my stomach growled.
"Hello, William, I am Harper," she remarked, laughing as the growling continued.
"You wouldn't happen to be hungry would you?" inquired Bart, "We just made some soup, would you like some?"
"Sure." A loud bang sounded from the side of the house. I crouched down and shut my eyes, shaking. Nothing happened. Harper crouched down and grabbed my hands. Startled, I looked into her hazel eyes, mesmerized by the pure sincerity in them.
"It will be okay," she uttered, and with that, I wrapped my arms around her. It had been a while since I had felt this safe with someone.
"You are welcome to stay here if you want, William," Bart stated.
"Really?" I released her on the brink of tears. " I would love to," I declared. Everything was falling into place; I wasn't alone anymore and I was with people who cared about me.
Chapter 3
Night and Day dwindled, but that wasn't why anyone was gathered around listening attentively.
"Click, click, click." You could hear the dial as it turned.
"Franklin D Roosevelt has won the election and will be the 32nd President of The United States." I don't know what happened after; all I knew was that soon, things would change.
"That was a sad story." The twins paused, yawning.
"I suppose it was," their grandpa acknowledged. "But it is true, and it teaches you a lesson."
"What is the lesson?" They drawled fatigue washing over them.
"Well, that's for you to find yourself, part of the fun of listening to stories," their grandpa explained. There was silence, only broken by the shallow breathing and light snores that escaped the twins as their heads lolled onto their grandpa's shoulder.
-Abbylynn S.
Hi abbylynn, I like when you say “I sat on the ground, daffodils starting to peek through the tall, green grass. The rancid smell of sweat filled my lungs as I took a deep breath.” It sounds very mature and engaging. And I know exactly what you're talking about when you say”The rancid smell of sweat filled my lungs as I took a deep breath.” It gives the reader an idea that maybe it is getting harder to breathe. The message might be keep trying and don't give up.
ReplyDeleteIn your writing you have lots of good figurative language. Many times throughout the story you use very disruptive words and you use similes and metaphors. When you wrote, “‘Sure.’ A loud bang sounded from the side of the house. I crouched down and shut my eyes, shaking. Nothing happened. Harper crouched down and grabbed my hands. Startled, I looked into her hazel eyes, mesmerized by the pure sincerity in them.” You made me feel as if I were in the story. I feel that you wanted the reader to be a character in the story; that is how detailed and descriptive you are in the story.
ReplyDeleteGreat figurative language AbbyLynn. I like the figurative language you used in the story as "ebbed" and "malarkey" and "Take The A-Train".
ReplyDeleteThe story came alive to me where it said hoovervilles sign so i looked up hoovervilles and it showed me that it was shacktowns and homeless encampments during the great depression. But there was not allusions that were familiar to me.
ReplyDeleteAbbylyn, your story was very good! Your story telling was really great! Like when you said, "Well, that's for you to find yourself, part of the fun of listening to stories," their grandpa explained. There was silence, only broken by the shallow breathing and light snores that escaped the twins as their heads lolled onto their grandpa's shoulder.” And, your figurative and sensory language in the beginning of the story was on point! Like when you said, “The radio crackled as "Take the A Train" ebbed to an end. All I could hear was the malarkey of families starting to line up for miles behind me, trying to get what little food they could from the soup kitchens. In the distance, little children became impatient and started to whine.” Your story was great, and keep doing what you’re doing!
ReplyDelete