It all started in the morning on October 20th. That morning I woke up in my warm bed. I shook myself up and awake, turning off my alarm at a sloth-like pace. Remembering that it was a school morning, I jumped off my bed and got dressed in my usual outfit, dashing down the stairs only to realize it was still seven.

       Walking around the kitchen, I saw that my mom was home. I strutted into her room and settled myself down on her bed.

       “Why are you home, Ma?”

       “I'm taking Gus to the vet today,” she sighed. The horrible memories of what had to be at least two weeks ago came flooding back.

       I walked inside from hanging out with Ayden, and my mom looked upset, but I couldn't tell if she was upset with me or something else. I sat down at the table, swiftly pulling out my phone to talk to Kirsten, when my mom spoke up. 

“Hey, so Gus got out again,” she spoke in a disheartened tone. “He bit another dog; the dog was a big German Shepherd. He is so cute, but anyway, the owner called animal control, and I am going to speak with them tonight,” she said, slowly getting up again to finish cooking dinner. 

        I immediately told Kirsten and William, but I had this weird feeling in me as if my stomach dropped. I just thought nothing of it. Later that night, I was sitting in my bed, scrolling through TikTok when my mom walked in and sat on my bed. 

       “I just got off the phone with animal control. Gus, he is... He is being put down,” she stated with a low sense of grief in her voice. Her eyes were glossy. I could now hear my siblings crying faintly, but I wasn't. So she went on.

       “I haven't told your siblings this yet because..well you can hear them, but it will be within the next two weeks.” She looked down then back up. She hugged me and then left the room. 

       I got up, pacing around the room, tears flooding my eyes until they poured out like waterfalls. While walking around the room I had texted Kirsten about it, and it made me feel a little better. I cried until it felt like my eyes were out of tears.

       The feeling of betrayal had struck me like lightning. I felt as if I betrayed my dog; I had promised to keep him and Cricket safe when we got them. The happy memory of coming home from school and seeing them in the yard made me smile a little.

       I am usually the bigger person and don't cry, but I think I just snapped. I had sat in my bed the rest of the night before showering and going to bed. 

It was time to go to the bus on the 20th. I was finishing getting ready for school with Lochlen like I do every morning. Right before we left the house I had taken a photo of Gus, my last ever picture of him. 

       As Lochlen and I stepped out of the house that morning I had made a joke. “Bro, what if Gus gets like put down today?” I had chuckled at the question, and Lochlen just looked.

       “He is, isn't he?”

        I felt atrocious at the thought that he might cry during school, so I just lied.

       “I didn't say he was, did I?” That's where the conversation ended as the bus pulled up. 

       I sat in Mrs. Werner's class the morning of the 20th, constantly looking at the time and zoning out. Ayden tapped my shoulder. “You good? You keep zoning out, and you just look out of it in general, dude?” His voice was uneasy.

       “Oh, yeah, I'm good, just thinking.” I weakly smiled at him.

       “Your thinking isn't usually good.” He had a small smile.

       “Well, it's nothing.” It felt wrong lying to my friend, but I didn’t want to tell anyone, not yet at least. I think that was the wrong decision though because I didn’t feel any better before; in fact, I felt worse. I had made the decision to just power through it and get my work done before he could ask anything more. 

       On the way home I was just silent on the bus, playing on my phone, trying to be as normal as I could. I felt terrible after that day; I lied to my brother, I also lied to my friends, and I bottled up all my sadness.

       The exhausting day was over now though; I could just go to bed. However, I didn't. I stayed up thinking about everything. The what if’s and the how’s.

       I kept going back to one specific memory though, when we first got Gus and Cricket. I loved them; I loved them so much, and I had promised to love them forever. I am keeping that promise; Gus being dead or not, I still love them both, and I wished they could live forever. I had wished for it before I went to bed and also when I woke up. I still do. My wish wasn't fulfilled. 

       Nothing lives forever, not even the ones you wish could. 

-Eriella G.