I wish I could go back.

I wish I had one less drink.

I wish I didn’t get in the car.

I wish I didn’t let Brittany drive.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

Wishing doesn’t get you very far.

It was my very first high school party.

I had a few drinks.

Who wouldn’t?

For the very first time, I felt like I fit in.

I didn’t want to ruin it.

I didn’t want to be the one who put a stop to it.

That was someone’s else’s job.

They must’ve taken a vacation day.

‘Let’s ditch this party,’ Angelina had said.

Everyone else agreed, so I did too.

‘I have my car,’ Brittany chimed in.

Everyone else agreed, so I did too.

All six of us clambered in to Brittany’s Honda.

The radio was loud.

Our thoughts were quiet.

One second, we were talking, laughing, joking around.

The next, boom!

I lurched forward.

All of a sudden, without explanation,

we were upside down.

A million tons of weight was pressing down on me.

I heard a scream.

It might have been my own.

That was the very last thing I ever heard.

I saw red.

Then, it was all black.

My eyes inched open.

The bright lights resembled a concert

But I knew for sure that wasn’t where I was.

I was laid in a rigid, uncomfortable bed.

That suffocating smell of death hung in the air.

I was in a hospital.

My parents were there.

Standing over me and pretending

that tears weren’t threatening to fall from their eyes.

Faces red and blotchy,

Their disappointment towards me was painfully obvious.

Doctors came in and out, faster than speeding bullets.

I should have heard all the noise,

All the commotion.

I, however, did not.

It took the doctors a while to find out something was wrong.

They’d been standing over me and attempting to converse with me for ages.

They didn’t seem to realize I couldn’t hear a word they spoke.

I couldn’t see them either, but that may have just been from the tears.

When they did realize what was wrong,

It was too late to be fixed.

They wrote down updates on paper, so I wasn’t left in the dark.

Brittany left us.

My hearing left me.

Samantha’s leg use left her.

Erin’s sanity left her.

Angelina and Kelly’s bones snapped like twigs.

All for an imbecile party.

Dear past me,

I hope fitting in was worth your hearing.

Your friend’s life.

Your future.

Everything.

-Gabriella Baratier