Adrenaline rushes through
me like driftwood being swept by a heavy current down a salty stream. Strapped
in now, no going back. You only live once, I suppose.
“Atmosphere check?”
“All clear!”
“Blast off!”
It's
your typical summer day in Wildwood, New Jersey. It has been a long day of
walking along the old rickety boardwalk. The warm sun has shifted away, and the
moon comes out from hiding. The boardwalk is alive now; carnival music, lights,
and fun are surrounding me. The dark night sky illuminates the colorful lights
of the boardwalk. The ferris wheel can be seen from miles away. I'm here on
summer vacation with my parents and my brother, Caiden. My cousin, Amari, and
my aunt and uncle are on vacation here as well. We make our way to the other side
of the boardwalk and stop for rides and snacks along the way. But this certain
ride catches my attention, The Atmosphere.
My walking comes to a sudden stop. I watch the
anxious riders get strapped into their seats. They gradually get lifted 140
feet in the air. The carriage holding the seats up has a sudden drop. That's
when something inside of me says, you're doing that.
“So, who's going on with
me?”
The only thing I get are blank stares. Then
finally someone talks.
“She's only joking, is she kidding?”
Now more of my family
decides to chime in.
“You're really going to
go on that?”
No, maybe I shouldn't.
No, I can't do it. No, no, no, I can do it, and I will
do it.
“For a matter of fact, I
am going on it. Who's coming with me?”
Here we go with the blank
stares again. Nobody is up for The Atmosphere, but you know what? I'll do it
on my own.
The line is not too long.
I inch gradually closer to the ride. My turn has come. I can barely get on. I'm
a little bit too short; it's alright, I manage. Strapped in now, no going back.
You only live once, I suppose.
“Atmosphere
check?”
“All clear!”
“Blast off!”
The first thing I realize
is there's a cover over top of each and every seat. I can't see when
I'm getting to the top! Who was going to tell me that?! Nobody told me that?! My
journey to the top begins. Come on, I must be close to the top now, right? Nope,
still going up. Not to mention during all of this madness there is a very
helpful speaker located directly behind my head making comments like, “Mission
control lost, Alert! Get off the shuttle. Evacuate! You are not alright.” Note that this is all a part of the ride, but
still! “Mission control, come in mission control!”
I drop. Wind attacks my
face as if a leaf blower is pointed directly at me. I plummet down with great
speed, and in two seconds, it's over. Hey, that wasn't so bad! I exit
the ride and go to where my family stands, surprised.
Courage. Courage is the
word I use to describe this experience. I needed a lot of courage in order to
get on that ride, and I almost walked away. Instead I was able to find the
courage to get on it and ended up having a blast. So if you ever need a little
bit of courage, I suggest that you think hard and believe in yourself and don't
just give up on something that could be great. Have some courage.
Braelyn C.
Nice job! A central idea I took from this is confidence, and that even when you are afraid, you’ll realize that what you’re facing isn’t that difficult when you’re actually doing it. One sentence that proves this is, “Wind attacks my face as if a leaf blower is pointed directly at me. I plummet down with great speed, and in two seconds, it’s over. Hey, that wasn’t too bad!” What I really enjoyed is the voice inside you that fought your rational side and told you to go on the ride. (Not that it was irrational to go on the ride, but you know what I mean.) I also enjoyed that, and I didn’t notice until the end, you wrote the story as if you were currently in it except for writing it as if it’s in the past. It allowed me to feel more like I was experiencing what you were experiencing, as if I felt the feelings that you were feeling at that very moment. A time in the story where this happened was, “I watch the anxious riders get strapped into their seats. They gradually get lifted 140 feet in the air. The carriage holding the seats up has a sudden drop. That's when something inside of me says, ‘you're doing that.’” I felt your confidence, and your unsureness as well from watching the other riders. So that was a good story, and next time I feel anxious about something, I can think, “It’s not as bad as it seems, and it’ll be over in no time.”
ReplyDeleteThis story is crazy detailed and so fun to read! I love how descriptive you were about your surroundings and what you were thinking the whole time. I love when you talk about what you were thinking inside your head, like when you said “No, maybe I shouldn't. No, I can't do it. No, no, no, I can do it, and I will do it.” This really helped me be in your shoes, I actually felt like I was really there. I can relate to this when I was at the altamont fair and I was with my friend tommy. We were walking around when this one ride caught our attention, I forget what it was called. It was kinda like a ferris wheel but smaller and scarier, it went upside down. So I was kinda unsure at first but then I finally got the COURAGE to step up and do it. I did it and it was really fun. I am thankful that I finally got that COURAGE that you talked about this crazy good narrative.
ReplyDeleteGood job on making the story more engaging. When you said “My family gave me blank stares.” I think many people can relate to that. Also, almost everyone has had that feeling of going on a big ride in a amusement park. Overall good job.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job engaging your readers by including your thoughts throughout the experience. This is shown in the line, “No, maybe I shouldn’t. No, I can't do it. No, no, no, I can do it. And I will do it.” You did a good job of keeping me interested and relating me to the story using your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI learned that we should have the courage in ourselves and the things we do no matter what anyone including our family thinks. Courage has been my weakness, especially during P.E., and one day I had to jump off a ledge backward I was so sure I could do it but many kids thought it was only for boys but I proved them wrong with a little bit of courage and after that many girls did a backward jump. I think the message really appeared with the line, "I needed a lot of courage in order to get on that ride, and I almost walked away."
ReplyDelete