Have you ever messed up? It’s a harrowing experience, feeling like you are letting someone down, especially when your actions interest those around you, and even more when they depend on you. People always say, “Break a leg!” or “Don’t mess up, you will do great!” before something tremendous is about to happen. Something like a performance or a game, but they never tell you, “It’s okay to mess up, you will still do an amazing job!” Perhaps that is part of the reason your nerves eat away at your confidence before the big event, knowing the amount of pressure that’s on you. Perhaps, it’s not.

 

“It's better to fail and mess up, in the beginning, to get to the success that you have been avoiding your lifetime.”

― James D. Wilson

 

 

It all began the evening of our annual day at school when I was squirming nervously at my seat, trying to look inconspicuous. People hustled all around the green room, running from person to person, trying to get everything in order. I conscientiously went over my routine that the team and I had been practicing zealously for months.

I went over it numerous times, but a feeling of apprehension shadowed my thoughts like a dark shroud of storm clouds. I was relying on my team, and they were relying on me. I knew my team well enough to know that they were ready for the big event, but was I? A sharp sound cut through my disquieting thoughts like a knife. I flinched at the stinging sound of the mic feed.

“Everyone!” Ms. Kavita’s assertive voice rose above the crowd’s frivolous chatter. The flock of people that was bustling just a few seconds ago quieted down. “I am pretty sure everyone already knows the procedures; you are to stay with your teams in the green room until it’s your turn to perform. ” I glanced around the populous room, trying to locate my team. Ms. Kavita continued speaking, but my mind was far away. I found Jia amongst the crowd, and then I found Kashvi and Angel. I let out a small puff of breath. At least the lead dancers were all here! I thought to myself.

I turned my focus back to Ms, Kavita. She gave out some more meticulous directions to follow. The last thing I heard her say before she walked out of the back door and towards the stage was, “Good luck, and break a leg,”

 

“It's okay to have butterflies, you just have to tell them to fly into formation.”

― Richard Endres

 

 

All the teams performed remarkably, singers, dancers, and actors alike. I consoled myself by the fact that this was at least no competition but just a show. But quickly, a little too quickly for my comfort, our turn came. We scurried into the stage, taking our positions. I could hear the announcer on the other side on the heavy velvet red curtains announcing my team’s turn.

Soft music began to play as the curtains languidly began to uncover the stage. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kashvi and Angel begin to sway slightly to the music. I could feel the rhythm of the background dancers as they stomped and twirled to the music.

A serene smile sneaked up on my face. I began to spin to the music as it played its beautiful melody, turning and twirling, stomping and jumping. The music filled the colossal auditorium as my team and I danced, not as single people, but as a team, a group, a single unit, but most of all, as friends. It was empowering! I danced and twirled. I landed next to Jia. For the first time during the dance, my smile faltered.

My breath hitched, as horror started to churn in the pit of my stomach. I had completely mistimed my landing, and so had Jia, and because of that, now I was in Jia’s place and she in mine. Panic flitted through my thoughts like a restless swarm of stinging bees. The music continued playing its grand harmony. I twirled and landed with a stomp. The music was coming to an end, and so was our finale. And because of my abhorrent miscalculation, I had to play Jia’s part for the rest of the song. This was a calamity.

 

“They say, timing is everything. But then they say, there is never a perfect time for anything.”

― Anthony Liccione

 

 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the panic stitched across Jia’s face evidently, but she continued dancing my part anyway. I realized then that we did what we did, but it was time to make it right. I compelled my smile back on my face, even though I felt the cold fingers of lost hope starting to claw up my stomach. I continued dancing the somewhat familiar part, just managing the moves.

 I said a silent thanks to Ms. Kavita’s endless criticism and her unorthodox style of teaching. She had made us practice each other's parts along with our own. “What if something happens! You have to learn and at least know the movements and steps of your teammates!” She had bellowed one particularly slow evening. We all groaned and complained. Our bodies were battered and exhausted from the day's earlier work. I now finally understood Ms. Kavita’s boundless worries.

The dancer’s bodies now moved gracefully through the air like petals of flowers dancing on the wind itself. Their faces were a mask of calmness.  As the music came to an end, all the dancers began to land in their places. I took a deep breath, as I made my last journey across the stage; twisting and leaping through the air, I landed on the place that would have been Jia’s but now belonged to me. I had earned it, I realized.

Wow, my thoughts, jumbled and mad with adrenaline, proclaimed grandly in my head, That was…incredible!

Breathing hard, I stood there proudly, astonished that I had managed to pull this off! The lights blinded me, but I could hear the crowd. It was hushed for a moment, and then thunderous applause broke out. I even thought I saw some people standing up to applaud. My worries, which I now realized were futile, flitted away from my mind like free butterflies. I grinned.

 

“The tragic is only going to turn into something terrific once you allow it to flow without resisting.”

                                                                                ― Hiral Nagda

 

 

That was the day I realized that it is okay to mess up, but the only thing that matters is how you try to fix it. I messed up badly too, but if I had frozen on that stage that day and not continued dancing as I did, I would never have known what could have been. To this day, a “what if…” would have been nagging at my mind. It’s okay to mess up, but you should also try and clean up your messes. It lets you accept the wrongs and learn from them. It may even help you feel less guilty!

 

“All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.”

― Sophocles

 

 

 

-Dona B.