Have
you ever made a fickle decision, accidentally damaged an object, misinterpreted
something unknowingly, or even deliberately disobeyed someone, leading to an
unpleasant misadventure? Now think to yourself what little mistake have you
made that transformed into a large incident? For me that incident was the time
I decided to stay on the bus when no one answered the door when I was in third
grade.
It
all started when I was energetically dashing out of the school, like a squirrel
running away when seeing a human walk by. Upon approaching the bus staircase, I
slowed down gradually, like when an instrument slowly gets silenced upon seeing
a decrescendo symbol. As soon as I got
on the bus I noticed three things. One was the array of students shouting at
their friends as loud as Hyenas, which definitely made the bus driver feel
unpleasant. The second was the bus driver, who was austere from all the anxious
amount of time he spent driving a humongous bus in complete mayhem. And the third and final was the signature
smell of the bus, which is so disgusting that you’re better off not knowing
where the smell comes from, or else you will feel nauseated. Walking through
the bus aisle, I sat down in an empty seat. The bus had a loud cantankerous
moan from the diesel motor as it departed from the others, leaving the school
now to be left alone. The bus was now off on the road about to reach my
destination, my neighborhood.
As
soon as the bus entered my neighborhood I could see my house getting closer to
me by the second; it looked as if it was increasing in size. The bus
immediately stopped. I was quickly alarmed, as if lightning had struck. I
casually walked up to the smooth driveway. My mom had informed me that my
grandmother would be at the house that day, so I didn’t have a slight bit of
concern that she would not answer. My grandmother, or who I, my siblings, and
my cousins call Mema (a slang word for grandma), had very light blond hair and
was in her early sixties. She was charismatic, kind, and outstandingly caring.
Once I had got to the front, I knocked on the door and rang the doorbell,
hearing the melodic, tuneful, and pleasant sound it makes. But in contrast to
what I was expecting, no one answered.
I
was extremely confused. The door wasn’t even ajar. I remembered there was a
hidden key, so I could get in from the house through the garage door. But as
soon as the idea popped into my head, a honking noise was coming from the bus.
The feeling of apprehension was everywhere in my head, like a bunch of bees swarming
around a hive. I had to make a decision, stay home alone without my parents’
permission or go back on the bus. I told the bus driver that nobody had
answered the door.
“You
should double-check to make sure,” the bus driver responded. “If your parents
didn’t say anything about you being home alone, and there’s no way you can get
inside your house.”
I
could have told the bus driver I could get inside since there was a key in the
garage I could use to unlock, but there were other kids my age, older, and
younger that were waiting to go home. So I just resorted to knocking on the
door once more, impatiently waiting to see if there was a response or not.
After no one had answered I sped up when jogging towards the bus and quickly
responded to the surprisingly patient bus driver.
Before
I knew it, I was back in the bus seat. The bus driver had told me that we would
come back after dropping all the students off and see if anyone was at the door
then. Time passed like a long train. Everytime another student got off the bus,
it felt as if the gap between them and the next student getting off would keep
on getting shorter, and shorter. Once every student was gone, the bus itself
felt lonely and silent compared to when everyone else was on the bus.
We
went immediately to the house soon after. I quickly ran to both doors. Then I
knocked on both doors. As no one answered, the same collection of thoughts from
when this problem first occurred had circled through my head like a car driving
on a roundabout. I got back on the bus, thinking to myself about the
consequences that would happen if I had stayed home. My mind felt like a foggy
day, thinking about it.
I
decided to go on the bus again. As I got back on the bus, it felt incredibly
weird seeing it so empty in the seats where the students had sat. The empty
seats made me think about the time passing.
“We’re
going to have to take you back to the school because they can have someone pick
you up there in the school office,” the bus driver explained. “Most likely someone
will pick you up.”
I
was now seated, resting head-first on my backpack. I had tried to go back on
the bus, thinking that the door would have been answered the second time, but
ended up deducting time for the rueful mistakes I made. As the bus drove carefully,
at a moderate speed, it approached the front of the school in a non-abrupt way.
In
the next minute and a half, I was now seated in the main office. The room was
filled with staff workers who were working constantly. One of the staff had
informed me they were going to contact my family. She had blondish hair, a
normal height, and was wearing a regular black sweater. I told her about my
grandmother, and how she didn’t answer the door, which implied that she wasn’t
at the house. She asked for her phone number, but I had no idea what it was. I
felt careless and uneasy at the same time.
“Don’t
worry, we will contact your parents, and either they will contact your
grandmother or give us your grandmother’s number,” the staff worker said
hopefully.
Minutes
passed.
“I’m
here to pick up Evan Schleicher,” she announced.
“Yep, we know,” The female staff
worker recalled. “We’ve had him here, in the main office ever since he got off
the bus.”
“Thanks
for keeping him here,” my grandmother responded. “Also, the reason why he
couldn’t get inside the house is that he didn’t use the doorbell, and I couldn’t
hear him knock on the door since I was vacuuming upstairs.”
“Oh,
Evan. I forgot to say hi to you.” She apologized. “But you should use the
doorbell, or use that key in that spot to open the door.”
“Okay, Mema,” I replied.
“The
car is parked right over there,” she told me.
I
soon got into the back seat of the car, and we soon drove off. I knew I should have thought more about the
outcome. Then I wouldn’t have wasted my grandmother's time. I mean this could
have all been avoided if I just took the key and unlocked the door.
I
frequently got the feeling of being pitiful from my mistakes, but I definitely
learned an extremely valuable lesson that day. I learned that you can
essentially write your life as if it were a book; your decisions can make the
outcome, and if you think about the outcome of your choices, then you can write
yourself a good life.
-Evan S.
The hook is one of the best parts of your story just because Have you ever made a fickle decision, accidentally damaged an object, misinterpreted something unknowingly, or even deliberately disobeyed someone, leading to an unpleasant misadventure” because I think everyone has gone through the same thing and the way the fallow through with the next paragraph is better than the intro just because of the detail you used when you explained you misadventure and how it went.
ReplyDeleteEvan had made a very wonderful and engaging storyline, but what I found the best was the vocabulary and the way it made me anxious. Evan used incredible words and he made it anxiety-inducing. My favorite line in the story was this, “Have you ever made a fickle decision, accidentally damaged an object, misinterpreted something unknowingly, or even deliberately disobeyed someone, leading to an unpleasant misadventure? “ the way it draws in the reader is so unique.
ReplyDeleteYou did a Great job making the writing engaging by puting mature vocabulary in your writing. This sentence had vocab in it, “who was austere from all the anxious amount of time he spent driving a humongous bus in complete rhythm.” The word austere really grabbed me.
ReplyDeleteEvan I really found that your way of showing that time passed like in the line, “Time passed like a long train.” It is awesome that you found a really cool way you showed time passing. It is a really well constructed story but my only question is that where was marley during this whole story,but over all this is really amazing have done this before too.
ReplyDelete