It was a glistening, boiling, summer day at the end of June
2021. I was in a large Mexican underwater cave called a cenote. This cenote
wasn't like others; it had a high jump. This jump was very intimidating, but
little did I know this would be a super incredible experience for my family and
I.
As I
wandered in, the ground was slippery. It was a hot day, so I wished to get in
the water as soon as I could, but we still had to get settled. The place was so
packed; there was barely anywhere to put my stuff. The first thing I noticed
was that there was the highest jump I have ever seen! There were stairs going
up to the jump because it was so high. I wanted to jump off it, but my parents
insisted that I go for a shorter jump before I took a big risk like that. I
sarcastically said to my sister, “hey, you should go on that jump with me!”
My sister
let out a chuckle, “yeah, I'll pass.” I jumped off, gradually getting higher
and higher until I felt ready. My dad hopped off the high jump, and that
compelled me to go even more. I asked my parents if I could go now, and they
said as long as I was careful, I could.
I slowly
walked up the slippery steps with my dad. When I got there, I was very nervous.
I observed that there were many rocks, and if I made one wrong move, well… My
dad jumped off first and explained to me how easy it was. My dad was recording
me, so I couldn't let him down. I thought to myself, it's okay, you can do
this. Your dad did it, so you can do it
as well. I looked down in the depths of the dark glistening water.
I took a
big deep breath and put my feet up to the slippery edge. Everybody was staring
at me, and there were other people in line waiting for me to go. I jumped. My
eyes were closed; I could feel the speed pulling me down to the water. I feel
my body suddenly punch the water. I could feel my body sinking, and I started
to get anxious. I tried to come up from under the deep water, but I didn't feel
the air. I started to get nervous, and I kept swimming upwards very quickly. I
reached the surface, and I finally gasped for air and an exhale of relief.
Finally! I
did it! And I couldn't believe it, but it was…
fun! I rushed to where my family had settled, and I described to them how
amusing everything was! Even my sister started debating whether to do it or
not. My sister was indecisive for a while, and I was getting impatient. I said,
“I'm just going to go up there again.” As I reached the top, my dad said not to
go. I was confused as to why my dad didn't want me to go, so I asked why. My
dad grinned, but he didn't say anything. He just pointed at the algae-covered,
slippery steps. There I saw my sister smiling, coming up the stairs to jump
with us. My dad jumped off again, and he made a come-over motion with his
hands.
My sister
said she wanted to go second, so I let her go up. She was about to jump, and
then she stepped back and said, “I don't know.” I told her that if she wouldn’t
go, I would. But then she just told me that she would go. I said, “okayyy, if
you say so.” My sister went for it; she jumped. I saw her come back up to the
surface, and she smiled. I let out a big smile,“I told you it was fun!”
After that,
my sister and I continued laughing, having so much fun on the jump. After being
so anxious about it, I had one of the most fun and most memorable experiences I
couldn't have ever imagined! This showed me that you will never know something
if you don't try. I wouldn't have ever had such an incredible and memorable
time if I never tried.
-Hailey T.
Hailey, that sounds like a really great experience! I agree with you: “After being so anxious about it, I had one of the most fun and most memorable experiences I couldn't have ever imagined! This showed me that you will never know something if you don't try.” I am going to try to use your advice and try something new!
ReplyDeleteThe message that you're putting out is very informative because now I know more about the rules of basketball. For example, if I foul I know how to avoid it again.
ReplyDeleteI like how you hook the reader by putting them in a situation so they know how you or others feel when they're in a game. I like how you said and described this quote “sweat running down your forehead. You hear the loud thunderous steps of the other players trailing right behind you. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the opposing team’s players running right by your side.”
Hailey, I love the way you tell the reader constantly how you feel and what you're thinking. It's a great way to make your readers feel onboard and engaged. Because I felt engaged, the reactions felt like I was there, in your place. I was surprised that you jumped as you talked about the jump as if it seemed terrifying and impossible, a great example of this is, “and if I made one wrong move, well… ``It made me scared of the possibility that you could have fallen and I relate to the anxious feeling of a life-changing mistake. Your narrative teaches readers to not miss out on what could've been, and just do it!
ReplyDeleteIt always seems like something scary can come out to be one of the funniest things ever. The same experience that happened to Hailey happened to me and many others I know. Lots of people always get scared when they have to do something that looks intimidating. I reacted in a way where I thought that it was gonna be fun. This line is a perfect example, “I took a big deep breath and put my feet up to the slippery edge. Everybody was staring at me, and there were other people in line waiting for me to go.” I could also feel the anxiety as you get higher and higher. I can relate to that sudden burst of excitement and the slow rise of anxiety, the feeling of being sucked down is a feeling that I got used to, and know I understand the emotions that go through a person in his type of experience.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you were really descriptive in your writing like when you said, “It was a glistening, boiling,” and, “I looked down in the depths of the dark glistening water.” This really engaged me and added to your writing piece. Good Job!
ReplyDelete