Have you ever had a bad
experience doing something? Were you terrified of doing that one thing after? I
had a bad experience doing something that I enjoyed, and I am glad that I didn’t
get too scared to keep doing it.
I sat on a cold, rock
bench, picking at the fuzzy bits of vibrant green moss that speckled the rough
bumpy stone. I felt a gentle breeze against my skin. I studied the light
sapphire blue sky and saw the clouds that looked like wool before it is spun
into string through the dense reaching branches of the tree behind me.
Beginning to feel bored, I decided to start climbing the small tree behind me.
I stood up on the stone bench, and I grabbed a nearby large branch, feeling the
rough bark. I pulled myself up so that I was sitting on the branch; I reached
and grabbed another thick branch and pulled myself onto that one.
I advanced up the tree,
finding a long sturdy branch. I carefully made my way along the branch.
Grabbing on to a twig for balance, I stopped. Looking around me, I could see
tiny green twigs with buds or even tiny leaves. I felt the warm sun’s rays on
my back; I took a breath of the fresh air, and I savored the moment. I looked
down; from my point of view it looked like I was about seven feet off the
ground. I could see the light green grass and the stone bench. I decided to
climb back down the tree, but before I could move I heard a tiny snap, and
suddenly I was staring at that light sapphire blue sky.
I panicked as I fell out
of the branches of the tree and toward the ground, not knowing when I would
land, seeing the complicated web of branches like thin fingers rapidly slip out
of my reach, the sky making the branches look dark and shadowy, when THUMP! I
hit the cold ground, the blades of grass like tiny needles against my shoulder
and the back of my head and soon the rest of my body as I flopped onto the
ground. I immediately jumped up, my heart racing, and started running to the
nearby porch. At the porch I caught my breath. I watched the bushes and the
tall grass sway in the wind. I was fine except for a few bruises, and a week
later I found another sturdy looking climbing tree, so of course I took a deep
breath, grabbed onto a branch and climbed it.
I had a bad experience
climbing trees, but instead of avoiding tree climbing I continued to do it. If
you ever have a bad experience with anything that you like to do, just remember
that that one experience doesn't mean that you should stop doing that thing
forever. You should catch your breath, and when you feel ready, do that thing
again.
-Madeline S.
I love the hook on your story and the description that you showed in all of your writing. It hooked me because of your line “Have you ever had a bad experience doing something? Were you terrified of doing that one thing after” it caught me because i have had an experience like this before so the hook was perfect. You also engage me by having great detail and more engaging things after another. This really hooks me because your writing style was awesome and I think that it was perfect paragraph after another.
ReplyDeleteIn this piece, I really liked how you used ‘light sapphire blue sky’ two times, one to just set up how everything looked, but the second to illustrate how you fell. I also liked how you described the descent from the tree and rest on the ground. The fall made me feel like I was there with you and worried for you, plus the stall was painted with excruciating detail as to deescalate the situation. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI think the main idea of this story is to keep going no matter what. I really like how you said, “You should catch your breath, and when you feel ready, do that thing again.” This sentence really shows that sometimes, bad things happen and that’s fine; you should get up and keep going because you might be missing out on something that you enjoy. I also loved all the sensory language that you used when you said, “I studied the light sapphire blue sky and saw the clouds that looked like wool before it is spun into string through the dense reaching branches of the tree behind me.” This sentence really brought your story to life, and really helped me visualize the scene. Great writing, Maddie!!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you brought me right back to that exact moment right from the start. I really felt like I was right there with you watching from a distance. For example the line, ¨I sat on a cold, rock bench, picking at the fuzzy bits of vibrant green moss that speckled the rough bumpy stone. I felt a gentle breeze against my skin. I studied the light sapphire blue sky and saw the clouds that looked like wool before it was is into string through the dense reaching branches of the tree behind me.¨ really helped me paint the picture. I think the message you're trying to spread applies to so much more than your personal experience, and lots of other people could learn from you! Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteMadeline, I absolutely loved your language use. “I studied the light sapphire blue sky and saw the clouds that looked like wool before it is spun into string through the dense reaching branches of the tree behind me.” This really made me feel like I was experiencing that moment with you.
ReplyDeleteI like how she talks about a story where she describes a nice day with a cool breeze and how she climbed up a tree and then fell down. And after a couple of bruises and a few days later, She faces her fears and climbs back up the tree like it says here,
ReplyDelete“I was fine except for a few bruises, and a week later I found another sturdy looking climbing tree, so of course I took a deep breath, grabbed onto a branch and climbed it.
. And The lesson in that story is about facing your fears. And I can relate it to mine because I used to be afraid of heights. Because I would always think that I would fall and die. But I conquered that fear by going on roller coasters as tall as 450 feet. And now I always race to the tallest roller coaster. And brace for impact.