Locked Out
I’m panting and
exhausted. I’m chasing something. A car. Trying to get its attention. I sigh. I
look up at the clear blue sky for a second and start walking to it like a
duckling following its mother.
It is late August.
Nice, sunny, and a bit breezy. I go outside to get the mail. I am expecting a
package. I go out the side door. I open it and close it. I realize that I made
a major mistake. You see, the thing is, I didn't bring my keys or my phone, and
no one is home but me. No one. This is just so great (note the sarcasm).
I sigh. I decide to
just go to the mailbox and the front door to see if there is even a package
there to make myself feel better. Turns out there is nothing. NOTHING! Just
junk mail and bills, and I don’t have the effort to care about that.
My mom and my two
brothers are up around eight thirty because my mom needs to meet with some
clients. She asked me if I wanted to go and I said no. I was too tired, but it
was more like didn't want to get up out of bed. Also, my dad is at work, so...
One of my brothers is only four months old at the time, so she couldn't just
leave him with us. She ended up saying, “Okay, you can stay home.” I was so
ecstatic I got to sleep in peace.
I decide to rush to my
front porch, defeated. I feel the cold and hard concrete tickle and brush my
skin. I wince from the touch. I wait maybe ten minutes, thinking she would be
done since it has been four hours since she left, but she doesn't come. So I
think this will be a great opportunity to walk around for a bit until she comes
back. I take the walk; it is peaceful. No one is around. It is like I am alone
in my own world.
When I come back her
car isn't there still. While I am walking I notice I really don't know a lot of
my neighbors in my neighborhood, only people at my stop who I'm not close with.
After contemplating my choices, I decide to go to Melanie Ng’s house, trying to
not think about the fifty percent chance she is home and fifty percent chance
she isn't. Her house is close by car, but since I can't drive it is probably a
15-minute walk, which is a lot of time for me to just walk and not to do
anything. I decide to run, not a good idea since I don’t run, a bit to
make things go quicker. I really hope that she will be home, really hope, but
since this story is the worst possible thing to happen to a 13 year old middle
school girl, Melanie is obviously not home.
I am frustrated at
myself to take the chance. I think to myself,
I should've just gone to my neighbor’s house and just called Mom.
I start to walk back, and when I get the sign that says the street you're on I
see my mom drive right past me.
I'm pretty sure I am
just delusional, and there is no way my mom came back. I am hoping that it is
her as I start running back on the main road, and then I see her turn into our
street That is when I know that it is her. I whisper to myself, “it has to be
her.” I start screaming, “MOM!!” at the top of my lungs and run as fast as I
can in my crocs I decided to wear, not thinking I would be out long.
When I see her in my
field of vision, I start to cry. Oh sorry, I'm bawling my eyes out of their
sockets. I am so happy to see her. I see the look on her face, and she is
shocked. She looks like she is contemplating whether pineapple goes on pizza.
She’s probably thinking, why is Rachel right in front of me? It's a miracle
she's actually outside. When she
asks what happened, I explain it all to her while stuttering and
hyperventilating.
My education is very
important to me and my family. They always
ask about my grades. So, getting myself
locked out you can say is “a critical hit” to my safety and education. I can’t
do anything but ask for help and wait. I feel useless and helpless like a five
year old who lost her parents at a Walmart. I feel disappointed because I have
actually wanted to do my homework for
the Algebra Summer Bridge Program. I
scan the sky again and see its bright and clear like always in August, upstate New York.
-Rachel Lai
Rachel, I love your use of descriptive language, it really helps me as the reader to picture the story. What I learned from this is that it’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes by asking for help, whatever problem you are trying to work out will end up being solved quicker than waiting.
ReplyDeleteRachel, great job!! I love all of the descriptive language that you used. It really helps to put the reader in the setting.
ReplyDeleteGreat use of descriptive language it really lets me picture the setting. Over all great story!
ReplyDeleteRachel, I love the massage your story was portraying. I have first hand experience with being locked out and it’s not fun. The way you used descriptive language brought out the emotions in your story very well. I could imagine how frantic and scared you were.
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ReplyDeleteI actually thought that this was a fictional story until real people started to be mentioned. I thought it was very interesting, and that the message was to be careful with your actions. I really liked how you started the story off with its conclusion, grabbing the reader’s curiosity.
Rachel, this story was great! I was reading into it as if I was the character. That was until you used real names, that was a great touch to the story! You used a lot of italics to show thinking and I found that to be amazing! Great job Rachel!
ReplyDeleteRachel, what a phenomenal story. I really liked how you started at the end and then told us the story, that really grabbed my attention. It was a really cool message, about how you act. This piece kind of seemed fiction, but when I saw it really happened to you, I was shocked. Over all great job with you language use.
ReplyDeleteRachel, your story is great. You used a lot of descriptive language that really brought the setting to life. I think the lesson you want the readers to take away is that it is okay to ask for help even if you feel embarrassed or scared. Great story overall.
ReplyDeleteRachel, this story made me feel so much emotions. I really liked how you described the settings and feelings of the character because it also did affect me. Overall, you did a great job at letting the reader involved with the story.
ReplyDeleteYour use of descriptive language really put me into your shoes. What I took from this story is that sometimes you need to swallow your pride and ask for help.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning was funny when you locked yourself out, then got no good mail.
ReplyDeleteThe language used in this story was just perfect! I was very well enthused with the opening of the book. I felt like I was in the story due to the language.
ReplyDeleteAwesome job!
I remember when I got locked out of my house and it started to rain,so I had to sit there for about 1 hour until my brother came. The descriptive language is use very well. I can feel myself in the same situation again.
ReplyDeleteI think that the description you put into the story was fantastic! The more upset and frustrated you got; I felt the same way too. Using this memory was a great idea because ones like these usually are forgotten after a few days but still happen.
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