The people we surround ourselves with and the bonds we create with them have a great impact on who we become, no matter how big or small. There’s always someone who we can count on and makes us whole. So who do we lean on when things get rough? Who’s always by our side? And what happens when that person suddenly disappears from our world, like someone turned out the lights?

I closed my folder, dismissing the math sheet with ten simple questions on it as my stepfather summoned me into the living room. Sighing, I rose from my desk and trudged down the stairs where he was waiting for me. Even though my I had no idea what was happening, somehow I knew it couldn’t be good. The pressing feeling of apprehension and worry prickled my back. There had to be a reason my mother kept visiting my grandparents in Kentucky, or why everyone had an air of stress clouding them.

I braced myself as I cautiously sat on our couch and squeezed my eyes shut as my stepfather uttered the words, “Pop-pop passed away last night.” I waited for the wave of grief and sadness to come over me, but it didn’t arrive. Although I was only seven, I knew my grandfather had been fighting lung cancer for the last few months. Perhaps the fact that I already knew he wasn’t in a good position made it less of a shock, and less painful. If I ever thought that no emotions would flood over me, I was profoundly wrong.

The thing about hearing bad news is that maybe you don’t accept it at first. Maybe it’s just too much for your brain to handle, or maybe you’d rather just ignore it altogether. But about a week after those terrible words met my ears, the final and sudden realization dawned on me: My grandfather is gone. As I repeated those words in my mind, dread seemed to pull me down, and every part of my body felt heavy with grief. Even though I had only known him for seven years of my life, he was the man that told me jokes and danced with me when I was younger. He couldn’t be gone. But that’s what they were telling me, and it turned out to be true.

For a long time after my stepfather broke the news, I didn’t feel like doing anything. We’d often take take the twelve hour drive to Kentucky and, “Help Nana,” my mother said. But her cozy little house seemed bland without someone there to make me laugh, and the muffled sobs that drifted from my grandmother’s bedroom each night only made things worse. After a while I couldn’t stand to see everyone so upset. We couldn’t let the absence of one person run our whole life. I wasn’t about to let myself be miserable when there were so many things to look forward to in life, so instead I started reading books of joyous places and playing my violin, keeping my grandfather’s image in my mind the whole time. It took time, but through supporting my family and doing things we enjoyed, we were able to realize that there are still so many things to be happy about, whether it’s as simple as seeing the bright sun on a gorgeous day, or hearing a laugh from someone we love.

Eventually, we all learn that change is something evident in all of our lives. We can not change the past or see what the future holds. And sometimes, what is waiting for us is something we were not prepared for. When my grandfather passed away, it felt like part of me was missing. But like they say, time helps heal pain, and through doing the things I love and sticking with my family and friends, I was able to realize that the best thing you can do is keep moving forward.

-Ava Vitali