Have you ever tried
something new? Sometimes we don't want to try new things, but if we have an
open mind, we can learn and grow.
It was crowded. Couples
strolled along the water, their hands glued together. Kids filled with
curiosity as their parents kept a close eye on them. The smell of exotic fruits
and flowers filled the air. It was the perfect time to
be at the Miami Boardwalk.
Ring! Ring! The sound of
a bike bell rang through the air. I looked to my left to see some people riding
on tandem bikes. ¨We should try that!¨
my dad said.
¨Yes!¨ my mother
agreed. My dad gave my sister and I a
big smile.
¨I'm up for it!¨ my
sister said in a cheerful voice.
¨I don't know,¨ I said
hesitantly. I was not very excited. It
didn't look fun, so I expected I wouldn't like it. My sister frowned at me.
¨Well… okay,¨ I said.
When we walked into the
bike rental shop a kind women greeted us. She had a flawless tan and her hair
was a deep amber. ¨Pick any bike!¨ she said, grinning.
It was a petite shop.
Three of the walls were painted a pale grey, but another had a painting of the
boardwalk. The ceilings were a little low, but it gave an inviting feel to the
whole place. The checkout area was to
the left as you walked in. On the checkout desk there was a figurine of a
cactus. It had sunglasses on and held up a sign with “Miami Boardwalk” on it. I
watched it bob back and forth in the sunlight. Next to the figurine was a
clunky, yet shiney, cash register. A wide window let in just the right amount
of sunlight for the plants it held.
The shop had rows and
rows of bikes. Each bike was a different color and a different style. I looked around and admittedly my sister and
I saw a bike we liked. It was very simple but very unique. The base of it was a
milk white. On the side of it there was a bold aqua stripe and a smaller sky
blue stripe underneath it. The seats were wide and comfortable. On one of the
handles there was a petite silver bell that tied everything together. It was
perfect!
My sister and I carefully
buckled the strap on our helmets and then started to paddle together. It felt amazing! The gentle wind blowing
against my face and through my long hair. The sun's heat was relaxing, and it
soothed my body.
There was the great view
of the ocean as the sun was calmly setting on the crystal blue ocean. There were many different things to see as we
rode along the ocean. There was a funky
cactus. It was very tall and thin. It was a olive green color, and had many
small white prickers on it. I saw large
hawaiian flowers; there were some that were vibrant orange, some that were neon
yellow, and others a soft peachy pink.
There were people far up in the sky parasailing across the wide waters.
They looked like birds soaring through the wind. Others were skiing as if the water was a
mountain covered in freshly fallen snow. They would occasionally do cool
tricks, like using only one arm or getting down really low so that they could
touch the water.
When we got back from the
bike ride I took a deep sigh of relief. All I could think about was how great
the ride was! It was fun and relaxing. It was exciting to see all the different
plants, and to see all the people doing fun sports. It felt good to try
something new.
As you can see, sometimes
it's good to try new things.
-Rachel Drozdyk
The techniques that were used are great for example the beginning when you said, "Have you ever tried something new?" This is very engaging, and makes me wonder what come next.
ReplyDeleteYou used a lot of descriptive writing and other good techniques to engage your reader. An example of the descriptive writing you used is when you said, "It was a petite shop. Three of the walls were painted a pale grey, but another had a painting of the boardwalk. The ceilings were a little low, but it gave an inviting feel to the whole place. The checkout area was to the left as you walked in. On the checkout desk there was a figurine of a cactus. It had sunglasses on and held up a sign with “Miami Boardwalk” on it. I watched it bob back and forth in the sunlight. Next to the figurine was a clunky, yet shiny, cash register. A wide window let in just the right amount of sunlight for the plants it held." This whole paragraph is a good example of just some of the descriptive writing you used in this piece. I also noticed other techniques like onomatopoeia and strong vocabulary. Overall you did amazing on this story! Great job!
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