So this happened
about two weeks ago. Thanksgiving break of ‘01. A note on my desk with $300 to
the side of it.
Hi, Dear! Happy
Birthday.. Sorry we’re not here. We had to go on a business trip. I know, work
really caught up with us this time. That's why we celebrated yesterday, just in
case something like this happened. We will be back Saturday. If you ever need
to call us, we will pick up the phone. If you have an emergency, call 911, and
after that, go to a neighbor. $300 is a lot of money for four-and-a-half days.
Spend some of it on needs (food, water, etc.), but also whatever you want.
Have Fun! Love
you,
Mom
No sooner than I
had entered the door of my house after getting off the bus, I was back out the
door. I grabbed the $300 like a five-year-old grabbing candy out of a shopping
bag. I knew what I was getting with the money before I even had it. An Xbox. I
rode my bike all the way down to GameStop at a very brisk pace. I checked my
pocket every 30 seconds or so to make sure the money was still in there. The
wind was slow but steady. It was frigid, and the leaves had left the trees.
Just before I got to Gamestop, it started to trickle a little. I knew very well
my bike would be drenched by the oncoming rain outside, but there was nothing I
could do about it but wait the rain out and hope it ended soon.
I was instantly
greeted by shining neon lights and demo kiosks and shelves and shelves of
games. Old games and new games. But right in the center, as if an angel had
just landed on Earth from Heaven, an Xbox demo kiosk. An entire section for the
system was surrounding it. After all, it had come out just five days prior. It
was a majestic sight to see. Looking like the happiest human alive, I went up
to the section. But then, sadness and disgust crept into my face as I saw the
price. $300. I wondered if it was on sale or anything, to see if I could get
money off. I just wanted an Xbox. Not a PS2, or a Gamecube. Quivering, I went
up to the cashier.
“Hi, welcome to
Gamestop. What can I assist you with?”
“Thank you.” Sweat
dripped off my face in nervousness. “Would you happen to have a discount or
sale on the Xbox?”
“Sorry sir. $300
only. $290 if you have the Pro Membership.”
“Aww.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry
kid. You could get a Gamec-”
“No thanks. There
has to be something. There just has to be.” I was practically pleading to him
for a price cut.
“Well,” the
Gamestop employee said, “There is one thing…” My eyes lit up like the neon
signs surrounding me. “We have a used Xbox. It's a bit battered up, but I´ll
give you a little sale on it for $200.”
“WOW! Thanks sir.
I’ll take it.” And saying that was the worst mistake of my life. I signed a
contract with the devil, and I was completely oblivious to it. But who wouldn’t
be with a deal like that? I was quite possibly the happiest person on Earth at
that moment. “Why is the price so low? The system came out five days ago!”
“Well, it’s pretty
strange,” his voice darkened as he went to grab the Xbox from the back room. “People
keep returning it for some reason. We just need to get rid of it.”
“Cool,” I spoke,
ignoring how weird his explanation was.
“Are you gonna buy
a game with this? The system comes with the power cables and a controller.” I
almost forgot to buy a game. Close to crying of joy, I went over to the shelf.
It towered over me with Xbox games. Of course though, there was only one game
that caught my eye. Halo: Combat Evolved.
“I’ll have this
one,” I stated firmly as I slid the game over to the cashier.
“Halo. That will
be $260.00.”
I slid the three
100 dollar bills across the table. As he rang me up I blurted, “Really rainy
out today,” to break the silence.
“ Yeah, it's gonna
be one hell of a storm. Supposed to rain all week. It's supposed to get even
worse by Friday.
“Wow,” I consoled
as I grabbed the Xbox and the game off the counter. I realised that I couldn’t
wait out the rain, and I didn’t have anyone to give me a lift. I would have to
book it before it got worse. “Thank you so much,” I said to the cashier.
“You’re welcome,”
he said to me. But the part that I remember the most is the last thing he said
to me that rainy, dark evening: “Be careful out there.”
I pedaled on my
bike home like a cyclist in Tour De France. I had my hood up, but I was still
drenched. The Xbox was well encased in four layers of plastic bags that the
cashier put the system in. I had the Xbox in my hands and on my shoulders. The
rain turned from a moderate drip to a heavy Seattle shower. I knew as I was
going home that I would not be able to ride anywhere for the next few days,
leaving me stranded. I nearly slipped
and got carried away by the rain while pulling into my driveway. I practically
bolted into the house, but not before locking my bike to the railing on our
staircase leading up to the door using a bike lock with a key. Who knows what
could happen to it if I left it unlocked. I kept the key in close proximity to
me. I didn’t want my bike being locked to the railing for all eternity.
There was an eerie
difference in sound from outside. Outside, the rain was pattering down so hard
you couldn’t hear someone next to you. But the inside was quiet. It was dark
and unsettling. I turned on the lights and lit up the house. I suddenly felt
more comfortable. I was home. My shoulders untensed. I had an Xbox that was
just waiting to be plugged in. I threw my coat off and got on pajamas that
would be comfortable to sit in for the next few days. I plugged the Xbox into
the socket on the wall. Few things fit so perfectly together. It fit in like a
lock and a key. Like bread and butter. The perfect combination. I plugged the
Xbox’s composite cables into the back of the TV and plugged the controller into
the console. I switched the TV input to three. I put my finger over the power
button, and with incredible enthusiasm, pressed it.
The power button
lit up green and the Xbox sounded like a car starting up. It was very loud at
first and then quieted down. Then, its signs of life. A weird green blob moving
around in the center of the screen. It was dark around the green ball. A bunch
of bars were surrounding the ball. It looked like some crazy science
experiment. Then the ball started to contort and shift with weird noises
accompanying it, and suddenly, the Xbox logo. That must have been the start
up intro, I thought. At this point, the Xbox had quieted down and wasn’t
making any more weird buzzing noises from inside. The logo faded away and
revealed the same green ball with the Xbox logo engraved into it from before.
It was moved to the side though, with menu options extending out of it. It had
options for memory, music, Xbox Live, and settings, but there was no “load disc”
option like on my DVD player. So I just opened the CD tray and set the Halo
disc into the tray. It slid into the Xbox like a slice of butter sliding along
a slice of whole wheat bread. That worked, because the Xbox menu faded away
slowly. My eyes lit up as I saw the logo appear on a wide space like
background. “HALO” it projected onto the screen.
So many options
were there right off the bat. Campaign, Multiplayer, Profiles, Settings, Credits,
and Quit. Of course, all I wanted to play was the campaign mode. All I could
play was campaign mode because I didn’t have Xbox live. And boy, was I in for a
trip. What a fantastic game. I started playing at 8:00, but that time became
12:00 quickly, and I wasn’t even halfway through the game! I knew I was getting
tired though and that I ought to go to bed, so I called it a night. I saved and
pressed the power button off. The Xbox disk drive slowed down until it came to
a stop. Satisfied with my Xbox, I brushed my teeth and turned all of the lights
off. The Gamestop employee was right. It’s gonna be one hell of a storm. I set
the key to my bike lock on my dresser and softly pressed my finger to the light
switch.
I awoke the next
morning to the pattering on my window. It was hailing like hell raining down on
us. The hailstones were the width of 50 cent coins. With one quick glance, I
saw that the neighbors that were away and would have to deal with a smashed car
windshield. The forecast was for more rain coming when the temperature rises on
Friday. I knew that the power was going to go in and out, meaning Halo was
going to be harder to play.
Bones cracking, I
got up and looked at the clock: 11:00. Holy crap. I guess I really
needed the sleep. I waltzed over to the kitchen at a slug’s pace and made
breakfast, but not before noticing that the key to the bike lock was no longer
on the dresser. In fact, it was nowhere to be seen. Dad is gonna kill me, I
thought. Anyway, it’s time to make waffles. Except apparently it wasn’t
time to make waffles because the power went out mid-way through toasting them.
I considered my options, but only for a moment. I suddenly heard a strange
noise from in the living room. A loud short buzzing noise, then the sound of
fans. I dashed to the living room like a cheetah hunting a zebra. The green
light of the Xbox was on. I turned on the TV, and sure enough, there it was in
all its glory. The Xbox logo, staring right back at me.
I had so many
questions and no answers. Maybe there’s something wrong with the power button.
Maybe that’s why people were returning it. Well, I don’t care. I’m not
returning this any time soon, I thought. But there was clearly something
wrong. There should have been no way that the Xbox was working. There should
have been no way the TV was working. But I didn’t care. The people who
returned this were too cautious. This is epic! I convinced myself. I played
Xbox for a little and then got bored. I was stuck on a level. I spent an hour
or two trying to beat it, but it wasn't worth it in the end. No progression, so
I shut it off.
I, for once,
turned the system off even when it would be fine to continue playing it. I
assaulted the umbrella open and waltzed around for a while, but then a
particularly big-sized hailstone (gold ball sized) smashed through the umbrella
and hit me on the head. It was a mad dash to get back into the house and not
get clonked in the head again, but I made it back inside unscathed. So much for
that. I guess I’ll call up Mom, I thought. I hadn’t talked to her since
Tuesday morning. So I picked up the phone and rang her up. She picked up
instantly.
“Hi, Dear! How’s
it going? Are you well fed?”
“Hi Mom. Yes, I’m
well fed.”
“I miss you,
Honey. Me and Dad will be home soon enough. Just you wait.” I contemplated
telling her about the hail storm, but in the end I decided I would.
“Did you see the
hail storm on the news, Mom? It’s a big one. The power is cutting in and out.”
“Yes, I did, Dear.
Are you okay? It’s supposed to warm up tomorrow.”
“Yes, Mom, I’m
okay. I have to go. The power will go out at any minute. Love you.” That was a
white lie. The power could go out any time, but I also wanted to go to sleep.
“Okay. Sleep well,
and remember.”
“Remember what?”
“Tomorrow is
Thanksgiving! Bye, love you!”
“Bye, Mom. Love
you too.”
And just like
that, I woke up to Thanksgiving. I had to run. It was a long trip of going to
the supermarket. It thankfully stopped hailing. Of course, that’s because the
temperatures rose, and therefore the rain was going to start up even harder at
11:00. Getting my clothing on felt like I threaded the needle after a knockout
punch, except the clothing was the thread, I was the needle, and the knockout
punch was an eight-hour sleep. Just barely awakened, I hopped on the bike and
rode as fast as I could. The extra ten dollars I still had were in my back
pocket. I ran through the isles like a child desperately trying to find its mom
in the supermarket after losing her. I grabbed a pound of pork off the shelf. I
got five different packets of Ramen off the shelf. I also got some spices to
add to them. I finally got home and tiredly stepped in, creating a small puddle
in our entrance way.
My stove only had
two burners, so this was going to take a while. I had it all. Maruchan, Nongshim
Shin, Sapporo Ichiban, Top Ramen, and Jinjja Jinjja; only the best Ramen. Then
I cooked them all up. I heard a slight buzzing noise in the living room, but it was
probably nothing.
Let
me tell you, cooking two batches of different Ramen for almost an hour is no
easy task. But I got it done. Once one batch was done, I poured it into the
bowl. Along the way I cooked the pork, julienned it, and slid it in in between
layers of soup. I also occasionally sprinkled in some of the herbs and spices.
In the end, I had an orange soup with all different colors of noodles and some
pork sprinkled in. This was going to be the best soup I had ever had the grace
to put in my mouth, and I could freeze it when I inevitably didn’t eat it all.
I got a bowl and a ladle and spooned the Ramen mix in. I took a bite. Then I
took a sip. This is the greatest food I’ve ever made. It was so good, I got
another bowl, and another bowl, until a third of the ramen noodles were gone.
I
was so full, I thought I would go to bed, sleep 14 hours, and wake up the next
day with diabetes. Luckily, the Ramen was somewhat healthy thanks to the pork.
It wasn’t traditional Thanksgiving food, but it sure was something. Well
that was swell, I thought. Then I heard a loud thunk in the living room. I
walked in to find my Xbox splayed out on the floor as if it moved itself. But
that would never happen, I said to myself in my head. It’s just not
possible. I picked it up and put it on the shelf. I was going to go and
play on my bulky computer upstairs. But just as I left the room, I heard it.
The buzzing of the disk drive, and the fans. I couldn’t believe what I was
seeing.
This
time I didn’t even bother turning on the TV. I pressed the power button with
the might of Zeus. At this point I should have been getting scared, or called
my parents. But I was more annoyed because it kept turning on. I thought it was
all just a coincidence. I thought maybe the Xbox was on the edge of the table. Maybe
there's just something wrong with it that makes it keeps turning itself on.
I
should have known better. Despite it being clear what I should have done, I did
the opposite. Without thinking twice, I walked up to my bedroom and hopped on
my computer. I loaded up GTA 3 and waited on the splash screen. The splash
screen was boring, like watching the DVD player splash screen for an hour
without taking your eyes off of it. Will it hit the corner? Will it not? I
don’t care. I want to watch a movie, not a DVD player splash screen.
But
before I finished my off-topic thinking, I unfortunately realised the game
never loaded because the power went out again. That time I believed was
probably going to be for good, or at least until the rain was out of town. But
the rain wasn’t getting better. In fact, it was getting worse. I went downstairs
and saw it again. The TV was on. So was the Xbox. Oh great. Maybe we had
a generator and I didn’t know about it. I simply couldn’t believe that it was
possessed. It’s not a poltergeist, I stated firmly to myself. I switched
the TV input to cable and watched cartoons for about an hour until I almost
fell asleep. But then, the dreaded, BEEEEEEP. BEEEEEEP. There is nothing
more scary at night than a blue screen with white text, or so I thought. “Flash
Flood Warning,” it stated firmly in bold white letters on the CRT.
Then,
it happened. A sudden surge of water. It swept the leaves away in a matter of
seconds. I couldn’t believe it. The roads suddenly became river rapids. It was
raging. It wasn’t raging on the house, but anything in the road was swept away
instantly. Well, I guessed I would have to wait it out. There was no way that I
could call anyone either. The phone wouldn’t charge. It was dead. I should have
realised that it was clearly no coincidence. But I wouldn’t let the thought
process get to me.
I
went back to the room to see the input changed to three, and there it was,
again. As if looking me right in the eyes, the Xbox logo menacingly popped on
the screen with the normal disturbing menu music to accompany it. I just didn’t
care. I was tired, and I was ready to go to bed. I switched the power of the TV
off and pressed the power button on the Xbox one last time. Running quickly up
the stairs, I jumped into my bed and covered myself with all of my sheets. I
had a hard time forgetting what I just saw. It was as if it was scraped into my
mind. But I got over it and fell asleep.
But
not for long. A loud thunk against the hardwood floor followed by non-stop
rumbling woke me up in a sweat. The power was still out, and my alarm clock
said it was 2:00 AM. The alarm clock was never wrong. I strutted down the
stairs like a young child home alone at night. I had a flashlight in my hand,
and my hand was shaking, making the light shake around as well. The sound got
louder as I got closer. I peeked in to see the last thing I wanted to see that
night.
My
stomach coiled up in my body as I saw the Xbox shaking around on the floor. It
was an otherworldly thing to see, and not in a good way. I wanted to believe
that I wasn’t seeing what I was seeing, but it was undeniable what was right in
front of me all along. There was no going back. Visibly shaking, I walked over
slowly in an attempt to press the power button to off for the final time. The
closer I got, the more the Xbox shook. The closer I got, the more scared I was.
It seemed like an eternity. I moped over
to the Xbox until my finger was on the power button. So close. But then it
stopped shaking. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my arm, followed by a
shattering sound. I screamed in pain and looked down at my arm. A shard of the
Halo disc was lodged in my forearm. The disk drive of the Xbox was open. The
Xbox just attacked me.
I
was desperate at this point. Anything to make it stop. I went over to the wall
plug and tugged with with the force of 100 men, but it was useless. The plug
wouldn’t unplug. The Xbox was seemingly furious due to this and began to shake
even more. Genuine fear crept onto my face as I made a mad dash to the stairs.
I ran up the stairs, but not before looking behind myself one more time. I
wish I didn’t do that.
I
saw something that night. Something awful. The Xbox bulged on one side, then
the other sides, then the top burst open. Something crawled out of my Xbox that
night. I don’t know what that something was, but I know it wasn’t human.
And then,
just for a moment, it locked eyes with me. The eyes were eyes of fury,
anguish, and anger. And they were coming right for me. With pure fear lathered
all over my face, I dashed to the stairs. The door wasn’t an option due to the
floodwaters getting higher. I lunged my body into the bedroom and hid in the
closet. But I knew that wouldn’t work. It would find me. This is the end for
me, I thought. It set the whole thing up. From the floodwaters to the
phone not charging to the missing key. And then I let out a tear.
Just one at first, but in a matter of seconds I was bawling. I thought about
many things. But mostly all of the times I had to get rid of the Xbox, and
think that maybe it was even somewhat possesed. But then I realised. My
family needs me. I'm not dying like this. Not without an attempted escape.
Without
a second thought, I made my move, practically zipping from one end of my room
to another. I opened the window and was ready to jump out, but I heard a door
open just before I did. There it was. It glared at me in the eyes, with no
mercy, but it was too late for the creature. With determination in my eyes, I
jumped out the window and barreled toward the raging river below. And then,
silence.
And
here I am now, in my room typing this on my laptop. I woke up on Sunday in the
hospital to find my parents awaiting me. Apparently I almost drowned, but I
miraculously survived. I didn’t tell my parents, or anyone, what happened. They
wouldn’t believe me.
If
you’re reading this, I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I did.
It's been a week since I woke up in the hospital. It was tough recovering from
the stress from Thanksgiving break, but I coped well. Also, if you’re wondering
about my video game stance now, I am switching to Nintendo. I must confess that
I told my parents I don’t know where the money went, and they let me go out to
buy a Gamecube, prepackaged with Super Smash Bros. Melee. So here I sit. I
wonder if maybe that creature helped me in a way that I needed. I feel a little
safer. I always look twice to make sure that something’s safe enough. But then again, maybe I'm crazy. One day it
might come back. But by then, I’ll be ready.
-Enzo McLauchlin
First of all, that was an awesome horror story. I really could tell what the main character was feeling, and I love your use of similes and metaphors such as " felt like I threaded the needle after a knockout punch," and " like a child desperately trying to find its mom in the supermarket after losing her." I also liked how you expressed the character through his thoughts, really showing his apathy and downright ignorance with thoughts like, "Dad is gonna kill me, I thought. Anyway, it’s time to make waffles." which I think shows exactly how he got into that situation. All in all an excellent story.
ReplyDeleteFIRST OFF, YOU MADE ME HUNGRY BECAUSE RAMEN. second, the amount of suspense this story had was amazing, it kept me on on the edge all the way through the buildup and the atmosphere the story radiated was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this writing piece, great job! One technique that you used throughout this story that made it even more interesting to me was your use of metaphors that you added in. One example from this was when you said,
ReplyDelete"I grabbed the $300 like a five-year-old grabbing candy out of a shopping bag." This line showed a great use of a metaphor and it made me further understand the action that the character did.
Amazing job on the piece I can tell you worked hard on it. "I pressed the power button with the might of Zeus. "The people who returned this were too cautious. This is epic! I convinced myself." was one quote that really allowed me to visualize what was going on. is another great part of this writing, it helped me understand the character much better, by showing how he was so passionate about the xbox he ignored all warnings.
ReplyDeleteGreat job Enzo! The story was captivating and well written, props to you on that! I really liked how you included the character's thoughts, and those thoughts added another layer to the story. I also liked your inclusion of personification in the line ''And then, just for a moment, it locked eyes with me. The eyes were eyes of fury, anguish, and anger. And they were coming right for me.'' Personifying the monster's eyes really helped me envision the situation. Overall, great job Enzo!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you had a lot of sensory language. When you wrote
ReplyDelete“Hi, welcome to Gamestop. What can I assist you with?”
“Thank you.” Sweat dripped off my face in nervousness. “Would you happen to have a discount or sale on the Xbox?”
“Sorry sir. $300 only. $290 if you have the Pro Membership.”
“Aww.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry kid. You could get a Gamec-”
“No thanks. There has to be something. There just has to be.” I was practically pleading to him for a price cut.
“Well,” the Gamestop employee said, “There is one thing…” My eyes lit up like the neon signs surrounding me. “We have a used Xbox. It's a bit battered up, but I´ll give you a little sale on it for $200.”
“WOW! Thanks sir. I’ll take it.”
I really felt like I was in the story, and it made me want to keep on reading so I could find out what was going to happen next. Great job Enzo!
"'Well,' the Gamestop employee said, 'There is one thing…' My eyes lit up like the neon signs surrounding me. 'We have a used Xbox. It's a bit battered up, but I´ll give you a little sale on it for $200.' 'WOW! Thanks sir. I’ll take it.'"
ReplyDeleteI think the central idea is that you should make sure an item is approved in a good way before you buy it because he just bought it because it was the right amount of money. Another line is "'Well, it’s pretty strange,' his voice darkened as he went to grab the Xbox from the back room. 'People keep returning it for some reason. We just need to get rid of it.' 'Cool,' I spoke, ignoring how weird his explanation was." This means he didn't listen to his warning, when it would've been good for him to listen to it so he could change his mind about buying it. The lesson based off the central idea is that you just need to be careful of the things you buy. I can apply this to my own life because when I am older and I buy items, I will know to be careful about an item that I might want to buy.
Amazing job Enzo! Let's start with the line. "I pressed the power button with the might of Zeus. "The people who returned this were too cautious. This is epic! I convinced myself." This was a great line that allowed me to visualize what was going on. Another great part of this writing is That you used great language to help me understand the character much better by showing how he was so passionate about the Xbox he ignored all warnings.
ReplyDeleteAmazing Story Enzo! The Figurative language that was used was "I was desperate at this point. Anything to make it stop. I went over to the wall plug and tugged with with the force of 100 men, but it was useless. The plug wouldn’t unplug. The Xbox was seemingly furious due to this and began to shake even more." This shows a simile when you said the force of 100 men and a hyperbole when you said you would do anything to make it stop
ReplyDelete