“It had my name on
it,” I sighed.
“It definitely
didn't,” he carelessly laughed, smiling broadly with each and every one of his
perfectly white teeth showing. There's another thing that bothered me; he was
born with this perfect smile. I on the other hand, yet again being granted with
misfortune, had to have braces for three years. Three. Years.
“You're
unbelievable, every time!”
“How is this, you
can come with me and a few friends for burgers tonight.”
“And…”
“And I will buy.”
He sighed.
“Okay, but I swear
the next time you eat my leftovers…” I continued as I shoved him to the side.
“Haha very funny…”
he mumbled.
We continued
walking tensely in silence, staring at the ground. His hands balled in the
sleeves of his sweatshirt. It's not as though my brother and I didn't have
anything to talk about; we were actually quite close. Anyway, we had avoided
getting too involved in a conversation with each other. This was probably to
avoid the chance that The Selection would come up. We both knew it may soon follow,
and neither of us was ready to talk about it. It was just too painful.
Especially because of Dad. Jacob tensed up. His shoulders were practically up
in the sky they were so rigid.
The bright shades
of red and orange gleamed in the trees. It smelled fresh, like apples and
cinnamon. There were hardly any helicars out, and I didn't see many air bikes
out either. Now those were cool; you still do all the pedaling as you would a
regular bike, only it rides like a jet pack. I think Jake asked mom for one of
those for Christmas last year. Most
people in our town walked from place to place anyway, as it was so small. The
bright orange, Welcome to Madaket sign reflected the beaming rays of
sunlight. Madaket is our tiny town right here in Massachusetts. There are only
a couple hundred people living here. Tiny, I tell you.
The air was clear
and brisk, perfect for sorting my thoughts, which I had many of, hands shaking,
knees trembling in the cool wind. The weather wasn't exactly ideal, but with
what was soon to follow, there's nothing in this world I would trade for
spending time with my brother, even if it meant walking in the cold, awful
weather. It looked beautiful outside, but it sure was cold.
“Emma!” my best
friend Madison shouted, a smile crossed her face from ear to ear.
“Hey, Kit Kat.”
“God, when are you
going to let me live that down?”
“Oh, you mean you
ate, what was it, Jakey?”
“37.”
“Ah yes, 37
kit-kats and then threw up all over my mom’s brand new helicar.” Jacob and I
snickered.
“Jake!” Josh, one
of my brother's friends, shouted from the lacrosse field. Josh was taller than
my brother. He towered over me, which at times was intimidating. Josh
definitely wasn't my favorite of Jakey’s friends. Don't get me wrong, he's nice
and all, but he really is your stereotypical dumb jock. He doesn't say much to
me. It's not that he was quiet when I'm
around; he was loud, he just didn't say much to me directly.
“By Em, later
Kit-Kat.”
There was a long
pause. My brother leaned in to give me a hug goodbye. I didn't want to let go.
It was as if every time we said goodbye, I wasn't sure if it would be final. I
tensed up a bit, holding on for as long as I could.
“Be careful,” I
cautioned, quiet enough so only he heard me.
“I know,” he
sighed as he headed off with Josh.
He hesitated for a
moment. He turned around, softly smiling and nodding. I must say this wasn't as
reassuring as he must have thought. I smiled back, but deep down I knew both of
our smiles were fake. He turned around and swiftly ventured off with Josh.
“Emma, Madison,”
she continued, “you do realize that in order to be on time, you must check in
with security and get scanned within fifteen minutes, don't you?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Well, then I
highly recommend you pick up your pace unless you would like to have a word
with the chancellor that is.”
“Yes, ma'am.” We
continued as our pace sped up.
The exact moment
we had been facially recognized for our presence, our teacher rushed us out of
her room and onto our next class. Homeroom didn't end for another 15 minutes,
so this appeared to be a bit strange. Then again, I can't remember the last
time things were normal around here anyway. The moment the last student left
her room, she slammed the door and closed the blinds. Her head hung low, eyes
staring dead at the ground.
The number of
guards in the halls today was much higher than usual. There were at least three
in every hall. All in unison, every teacher's door in the hallway had been
locked and slammed shut. The lights were shut off throughout the entire school.
I had anticipated a number of terrible scenarios that were about to
happen. I must admit that none of these
were good. My mind immediately jumped to Jacob. I wanted to know where he was,
and if he was okay. He was the only thing that I had cared about.
Guards began to
storm the halls. I felt like I was in the climax of a horror movie.
“Everyone,
shoulder to shoulder, on the wall now!” one of them shouted, head held high,
shoulders forcefully held back. Fear rushed through me. Palms sweating, heart racing
unsteadily, I had never been so scared. I didn't know where he was or if he was
okay.
“Student ID and
chips out, everyone, now!” one of the guards yelled.
They were wearing
black suits that appeared to be padded. Their faces were covered with masks.
They began vigorously scanning chips and checking IDs. I saw my brother down
the hall on the other side. Our eyes met. He shook his head from side to side,
head held lowly, eyes filled with sadness. His forehead was shiny; a tear
rolled down his cheek. I believe this was his way of telling me not to do
anything stupid for him. The guards began to take the older boys. I could only
pray that he wouldn't get taken this year. They neared him, going down the line
of people.
“Name?” a guard
began to question me.
“I said, name?” he
asked; the annoyance in his tone became clear.
“I'm sorry?” I
questioned, unaware that I was even being spoken to.
“Girl, what is
your name?”
“Oh, um, Emma.”
“Emma….” he
continued, impatiently waiting for a response.
“Anderson, Emma
Anderson,” I continued.
“ID please.” The guard scanned my ID. Through the corner
of my eye, I noticed Jakey getting questioned. My anxiety heightened. I noticed
my breathing getting heavier and heavier. His face looked so serious. It
appeared to be full of fear. His foot was tapping quickly. This was a habit of
his that I picked up on. He tends to do it when he's nervous.
I watched the
guard turn him around and push him into the lockers. “No…” I mumbled to myself. The guard began forcefully pushing him toward
the exit, hands cuffed behind his back. “No! No!” I screamed, tears heavily
streaming down my cheek. I ran towards him.
“No, please, no!” I sobbed. “Let
him go. Please let him go,” I bellowed, clutching onto the guard's arm, pulling
with all my strength.
I screamed in pain. Another guard had
lashed me with the electric stick. “No
please, please don't leave me, Jakey, please, don't do it…” I mumbled in pain.
I woke up in my
room, alone. I was a bit groggy. My memories seemed to be faded. Confusion
crossed me.
“Mom?”
Footsteps rushed
down the stairs.
“Em, are you okay?
How do you feel, hun?”
“A bit confused…okay
is definitely not a word to describe how I feel right now.” I glanced around my room. My eyes met a
picture of my brother and me from my 15th birthday. My memories began rushing
back, like water forcefully flowing through a waterfall. What was cloudy and
perplexed now become crystal clear.
Tears rushed down
my cheek. Pain ached in my heart. I cried. I cried for the boys sent to war. I cried
for the mothers that lost their sons. For the sisters that lost their best
friends. For the friends who lost their teammate. I cried for my brother. And I
cried for me. I cried knowing entirely that the worst had not even neared. That
all that would soon follow was pain, agony, and emptiness. That god awful
feeling as though a part of you is missing. That hole in your heart that cannot
be replaced by anything other than what left it.
I walked down my
muffled stairs, head hung low, eyes glued to the ground. I entered the kitchen, moping. “Open,” I demanded. The refrigerator door opened vigorously.
Sitting on the top shelf was an untouched styrofoam container box of leftovers.
My heart sunk. “Guess I'm going to have
to get used to that…” I mumbled as my last tear fell from my face.
I made myself a
cup of Ramen and headed to the couch. I wasn't sure what to do at that point.
That is typically when Jakey and I would try to make something for dinner,
emphasis on try. We would sit on the couch and watch movies while we
talked about our day. This may seem cheesy, but to us, it wasn't. We were best
friends. To pass time, I decided to plug in one of our telegrams, one of the
early ones. On the front of the case it read, Emma Jacob And Family: 2075.
I knew this handwriting. It was my brothers. It was written in blue ink.
Probably the feather pen our father gave him before he was drafted. A tear
began to roll down my cheek as I traced my finger over each and every letter. I
plugged the telegram into the TV.
There we were,
innocently playing in the bright green, dancing grass, smiles from ear to ear.
I miss those days. I miss the days never worrying if I would see my brother
that night, the days where everything was just right. Just the way it was
supposed to be. Sorrow and anxiety never overcame me. Everything was just,
right. Now everything was as screwed up as it could possibly be.
As the different
images and videos appeared and passed on the screen, tears began quickly
rolling down my cheek. I wiped away a few tears. Without hesitation, I
commanded the TV to shut off. It was too soon. Too soon to look back and see us
happy and pure. Too soon to remember what has now left a hole in my heart.
-Maya Sweeney
Your fiction writing piece was super powerful. It really made me lose focus of all my surroundings and just focus in on your piece. Your descriptions and use of vocabulary really brought the piece to life. You taught me that you really need to cherish your moments as you have them, because there will come a time where all of it may disappear just like that. In the line, "I miss the days never worrying if I would see my brother that night, the days where everything was just right," I really felt connected to it. The connection also helped out with the theme or message I pulled out of this writing piece. It made me think of the past, when all was better. Then it also made me think that the moment I'm spending right now may be better than what I'll have in one or two hours. Instead of wasting it, I could make it better and add to the good moments in my life. I also loved the line, " That hole in your heart that cannot be replaced by anything other than what left it." I actually loved the whole paragraph. The way you phrased it really brought out what was so important in that moment.
ReplyDeletei like how dark the story is.....which kinda sounds like a bad thing but i like stories like that. i loved the moments like "Tears rushed down my cheek. Pain ached in my heart. I cried. I cried for the boys sent to war." and "That god awful feeling as though a part of you is missing. That hole in your heart that cannot be replaced by anything other than what left it."
ReplyDeleteVery prodigious and voluminous piece! You used great figurative language, as shown in the line, "That hole in your heart that cannot be replaced by anything other than what left it," shows me that the characters mourns and her wound can never be fully healed, only treated.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used small details to foreshadow a conflict that might arise later in the story. One detail that does this is, "We continued walking tensely in silence, staring at the ground. His hands balled in the sleeves of his sweatshirt. " This shows that the character might be nervous for something, which is later revealed.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece I love the amount of emotion and description used. like in the sentence "that hole in my heart the cannot be replaced by anyother than what left it" gives the story a great amount of emotion I really felt the moment great job maya!!
ReplyDeleteYour piece was filled was filled with detail and emotion. It made you forget about everything and feel like you were there. I liked how you made us feel how the character was feeling. In the text it said "The bright shades of red and orange gleamed in the trees. It smelled fresh, like apples and cinnamon." Instead of just telling us it was fall you made us have to think about it. This is showing and not telling. Its a way to put even more detail in your piece. Good Job !
ReplyDeleteI loved your writing piece! It was easy to envision how the characters were feeling. The line, "Tears rushed down my cheek. Pain ached in my heart. I cried." helped me understand Emma's pain and heartbreak.
ReplyDelete"I noticed my breathing getting heavier and heavier. His face looked so serious. It appeared to be full of fear. His foot was tapping quickly." This is such a great line. It expresses how stressed the characters were with absolutes. "Foot" and "tapping" being a good example.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece and how well you incorporated the central idea of war destroying lives. An example of the central idea from the text is, "I cried. I cried for the boys sent to war. I cried for the mothers that lost their sons. For the sisters that lost their best friends. For the friends who lost their teammate. I cried for my brother. And I cried for me." It really sends home the idea of how war is so destructive not only to countries, but people as well.
ReplyDeleteNice job, this was a very awesome and really detailed piece. You used sensory language to make me image all of your metaphors in my head. Some of those metaphors were "My memories began rushing back, like water forcefully flowing through a waterfall","The bright shades of red and orange gleamed in the trees. It smelled fresh, like apples and cinnamon", and "Now those were cool; you still do all the pedaling as you would a regular bike, only it rides like a jet pack".
ReplyDeleteI’d like to start off by saying what a great job! I like how you used details to foreshadow a possible thing that might come later in the story. One detail that does this is, "We continued walking tensely in silence, staring at the ground. His hands balled in the sleeves of his sweatshirt. " This shows that the character might be nervous for something, which is later revealed.
ReplyDelete