Drama, change and conflict, all things that cause a vicious cycle to occur. Making friends and losing them. This is what was about to happen to me one “casual” Sunday playing kickball with the neighborhood kids. However, the placid, good-natured event soon took a turn for the worse.

It was all as sudden and unexpected as the first strike of lightning starting a thunderstorm on a clear day. The teasing started slow, just a little joke, no big deal, but it escalated, becoming something that was the entire center of attention, and not so funny anymore.  I desperately tried to change the topic, asked them to stop. But it was too much. A horde of people, tantalizing me, teasing my every word. One of my very close friends was there. We had been friends for years. I thought she would stand up for me. I thought she would help me. But she was part of it too, supporting them, adding in. I couldn’t put up with it anymore. I ran back home, through the path in the woods, tears welling up in my eyes. My parents hugged me and tried to help. I went over again and tried to fix it frantically again and again, but it was no use. A huge incision was made in our friendship. I wanted so bad for it to continue but knew it couldn’t. I knew this day would come, the final straw, when my anger and discontent in our friendship previously would come out, the day it would all end.

The following day was difficult. The bus was the first obstacle I encountered. We would usually sit together, and everyone chatted during the wait for the bus. So, as you can imagine, it was very awkward, and I was a tornado of emotion. I said sorry even though there was no crime in my name, but I knew I had to move on. I tried to look at it optimistically, but my true emotions showed quite prominently.

Starting my morning classes, I noticed a certain restlessness, an urge to move and scattered concentration. I fidgeted around, adjusting something every second. My hands shook spastically, and I fidgeted around. I used soft objects and deep breaths to control this feeling, but most times it was out of my power. By the end of the day, I had tired myself out thoroughly but also had a distinct realization. I finally understood. It was anxiety, that weird feeling of turning and twisting in my stomach and the tense, on-edge feeling pulling me away from any hope of focus. Yet, I was astonished at the cause. I attempted to let it not bother me, to put a mask on my feelings, but the body forbade me to get away with it. I clearly projected all the symptoms of anxiety.

Although there is a storm, after the storm comes a rainbow, the portentous and renewing aftermath, cleaning and invigorating us. That rainbow for me was the making of new friends, the start of a new cycle. All of their unique personalities another hue. Starting this new cycle was the start of a new adventure, the beginning of a new chapter. In my experience, this journey had bumps and hardships, but in the end, I knew that I took the correct path, the one that will lead to happiness and peace in my relationships. Some friendships I have made spontaneously, but others have been reignited and blossomed exuberantly since.

Rachel, for example, I have known since when we were together in first grade, but we never really hung out. During sixth grade, we bonded a lot, and we have since become close friends. Every morning she greets me with a smile, and we discuss our stresses, and of course, the funny stories to enliven us before we return to school. If I ever need to talk about anything to someone, there is always a friend there to assuage my stresses. Such friends can be a rarity, but there are lots of people out there with extraordinary personalities; you just have to look to find them. Now that I have many new comrades, I am so grateful for that split, even if it was a challenge during the actual time of the event. I feel accepted and safe in my group, free to express my feelings.

If there is one thing I want someone to learn from this, it’s that it is okay to get away from some friendships in your life; if it’s for a good reason, new ones will come in and fill the tear. Now, I hope that when you think about losing friends you see the other perspective, that the effects are just as good as the situation is bad.  There are lots of fish in the sea of friendship, so if you are in this situation, just remember that you will find someone, no matter who you are.

-Nora Whiteside