Chapter
1
Beep,
Beep, Beep… Beep…
I threw a pillow over my
face, trying to cover my ears as my alarm blared.
“Ugh….” I groaned, pulling the covers over my face.
“Adylyne May Montgomery,”
my mom demanded, “get up, or you’ll be late to your first day!”
I perked up, sitting like
a deer in the headlights, and I realized the time and the day. It was September
4th, the first day of school. I got out bed, my legs gave out underneath, and I
nearly fell over onto my nightstand. I caught myself, shook my legs out and
headed towards my mirror. I took my hair out of my now messy bun. I stretched
out my arms as I yawned.
I threw on my clothes. I
realized that my outfit was a little too much, so I put on my white Converse
now almost the color of the beach sand, ripped blue jeans that were only
slightly torn, and a pineapple short sleeve shirt. I cleaned up my morning face
with makeup. I clawed at my hair, trying to fix it. That didn’t go as planned,
so I took my brush and almost ripped off my scalp with all the snarls in my
hair. I sauntered into the bathroom and brushed my perfectly white, straight
teeth. I then grudgingly stepped down the stairs one by one, counting them as I
went.
As I was walking down the
stairs, I smelt the delicious whiff of crispy bacon and waffles. Smelling this
made knowing today was the first day of school a little more bearable. I sat at
the table, ate my breakfast, and decided I was ready to start my day. I quickly
consumed, and then suddenly I heard my bus pulling up to my stop. I gave my mom
a kiss on the cheek.
“Adylyne, turn around and
smile for me,” my mom exclaimed.
“No mom, I’m in tenth
grade. I don’t need pictures for the first day of school,” I complained.
“Adylyne May, turn around
right now, or I’m following you to the bus.”
At that, I decided to turn and smile. My teeth started
chattering, which always happened when I was nervous. I cracked my knees and
walked onto the bus. I prepared myself for the first day of sophomore year.
I arrived at school
nervcited, nervous and excited. I stumbled into the building while getting run
over by all the older kids. Most people in our school are jocks, so they think
they can do anything. They think they can play on their phones in class and
push people around. Honestly, I don’t think they knew I was there. They were
stomping on my shoes, crushing my toes. I put my elbows out, thinking that
would keep them away; it didn’t. They just pushed my elbows out of the way,
almost like they were trying to pop them out of the socket. I looked like a
grasshopper in the middle of a soccer field. The smell of Axe deodorant filled
my nostrils; it was nasty.
“Excuse me,” I yelled,
trying to get past all of them. I pushed
them; not a good idea. They just pushed back, but harder. I tripped and almost
fell flat on my face. Luckily, I just fell into everyone else, catching my
fall.
I walked into the
classroom, making sure my toes were still intact; they were, but they were
throbbing. All of a sudden the memories of last year rushed into my mind with
the white, brick walls surrounded by green chalkboards and whiteboards. The
room was filled with American flags, globes, maps, and giant textbooks; she was
a Social Studies teacher. Desks set up with two connected, four rows across,
seven back. We had a pretty big classroom; it looked the size of about a half
of our school gymnasium.
My teacher showed me to
where my desk was. I sat next to an open seat with a name tag that read “Zoe.”
I’ve never seen that name. I pondered why she might have been moved to my
class. Maybe she just moved here. What if she got kicked out of another
school? Or she just got transferred from another homeroom. She could’ve skipped
a grade. As I was thinking about this, I realized just how stressed out I
was about starting this new school year. I don’t know why I was, though, I had
only been here 12 weeks ago.
All of a sudden, I saw
this girl, a beautiful girl, parade into the classroom. I had never seen her
before, and she looked shy. She shot a few glances around the room and then
started strutting over to me, almost like a model walking down the runway. She
had a snobby look on her face, almost like the face you make when smelling a
skunk. She took a seat next to me. So this must be Zoe, I concluded. She
didn’t talk; in fact, she took out her phone and started snapchatting, right in
the middle of class. She must have gotten kicked out of her old school,
I was thinking. She smelled like Christmas, like candy canes and pine needles.
I could tell she had makeup on, for she looked stunning with it. Our teacher,
Mrs. Williams, started heading towards Zoe and me.
“Hi Adylyne, welcome back
to school!” Mrs. Williams asserted. “Hello, you must be Zoe. Welcome to
Woodlands High School.”
“Hi Mrs. Williams, how
was your summer break?” I answered.
“Excellent!” Zoe acted like she didn’t even hear her. She
just kept playing on her phone.
“Zoe?” Mrs. Williams
insisted.
“Yes?” Zoe responded.
Surprisingly, she sounded sweet. Maybe she really just didn’t hear Mrs.
Williams the first time.
“This is Adylyne, she
will be your ‘buddy’ this year. She will be showing you around the school and
keeping you company.” I was aghast, for
no one had ever mentioned this until just now.
“Oh, I think I can
navigate myself,” Zoe retorted, stunned.
“Adylyne will be helping
you,” Mrs. Williams replied, a little more sternly this time.
I felt like words were
trapped inside my throat, more like lodged in my stomach. I was already
terrified of starting a new year, so how was I supposed to be confident
and show this girl around the school and keep her company? She didn’t seem like a good fit for me. She
seemed rude, addicted to her phone like glue sticks to paper; when you take it
apart, the paper rips with it. Zoe
rolled her eyes.
She turned to me and
said, “Hi! I’m Zoe!” over dramatically.
“Hi, I’m Adylyne” I spoke
shyly.
The homeroom bell rang;
Zoe and I got up. We looked at each other and left the classroom. The first day
of tenth grade; I will always remember. It was the day I found my best friend.
My best friend made me figure out the biggest secret of my entire life.
-Riley Messier
Riley, Your piece is filled with detail making it pop off the page. Your words make me feel like I am in the story. You used a lot of figurative language. For example "I will always remember. It was the day I found my best friend. My best friend made me figure out the biggest secret of my entire life." This line tells us something the character doesn't know at the time. This is called Dramatic Figurative Language. Another time you used sensory language " white Converse now almost the color of the beach sand, ripped blue jeans that were only slightly torn, and a pineapple short sleeve shirt" This time you described every piece of clothing so you used a lot of detail. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of detail in this writing piece and you made your story so it was like your readers are there, while you are telling it. There was a lot of sensory language in your piece for example "As I was walking down the stairs, I smelt the delicious whiff of crispy bacon and waffles" you described your breakfast and I was able to almost see it and get the scent of it. You also used a lot of sensory language for most of the characters and was able to describe a lot about them "She seemed rude, addicted to her phone like glue sticks to paper; when you take it apart, the paper rips with it" here it was almost like you were really sure she was like that and used a lot of detail with it.
ReplyDeleteThis chapter is amazing! I love your amazing use of figurative language. A good example was, "That didn’t go as planned, so I took my brush and almost ripped off my scalp with all the snarls in my hair." It told me how messy Adylyne's hair was and I can relate!
ReplyDeleteYour piece was amazing. You used a lot of sensory language and had a great voice throughout your piece. A line from your story that really shows a great use of sensory language is, "I perked up, sitting like a deer in the headlights, and I realized the time and the day." This really made me picture the character sitting on her bed frozen and super tired. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like your intro like when you said "I threw a pillow over my face, trying to cover my ears as my alarm blared". It was very engaging. I also like your conclusion that was very intense and I felt like was in the moment when you said. "My best friend made me figure out the biggest secret of my entire life".
ReplyDeleteI loved this story so much. The intro was really interesting and engaging. Also, throughout the whole piece, there was a tremendous amount of detail things like "All of a sudden the memories of last year rushed into my mind with the white, brick walls surrounded by green chalkboards and whiteboards.” It really helps to make the setting pop out in the story.
ReplyDeleteYour story was very interesting! I liked your great use of similes to start the story, to really engage the reader. "I perked up, sitting like a deer in the headlights"
ReplyDeleteThe sensory language in your piece was phenomenal! The line, "She shot a few glances around the room and then started strutting over to me, almost like a model walking down the runway," helps me picture what Zoe looks like.
ReplyDeleteYour writing was great! As for writing techniques, you used great figurative language, like metaphors such as,"I put on my white Converse now almost the color of the beach sand". Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour fiction was awesome sauce, and you used sensory/ language to help your reader image what you are writing. Some examples are like when you said "I perked up, sitting like a deer in the headlights", or " I looked like a grasshopper in the middle of a soccer field".
ReplyDelete