“Did you see the
news last night? You’d think by the year 2093 we’d have this whole nuclear war
situation figured out,” Samantha whispers to me.
“I know, right! Our nation needs to get its act together, I whisper back.
“I know, right! Our nation needs to get its act together, I whisper back.
¨Tess Montgomery!
No talking,¨ The Watcher sternly exclaims.
I put my
headphones back on and listen to the stone cold automatic voice play. I
remember a story my grandmother once told me, one where when she was in school
and actual person taught her class! How bizarre!
I finish my twelve
page long assessment. Now I’m just impatiently waiting until this course ends.
I hate hoverboard construction; it’s so boring. I want to be an artist anyway!
I’m eighteen, so in a few months I can attend the art school of my dreams. I’ve
been saving all my money to go there by working at the repair center in the
mall. It’s hard work, but it’ll all pay off when I go to art school.
Looking out the
window, watching cars fly by, I see something big, blocky and black fall from
the sky. Three seconds go by as I dreadfully watch it land across the street
from our school. It pounds the ground in an explosive crash of green gas and
shrapnel. This is it, I think to
myself, It’s finally happening. Threats of an airborne attack have been
reaching my sector for months, but never has anything actually happened.
Our screens flash
stop sign red and the same monotone voice plays, ¨Warning, Sector 7498 is
undergoing an airborne attack. Watchers, collect your students and get them to
the basement NOW. Leave nobody behind.¨ High pitched sirens blare outside, so
shrill we have to cover our ears just to think. Panicked, everyone springs up
and hustles to the door, hands tightly cupped over our ears. Nobody wants to be
left behind. Looks of confusion wash over everyone's twisted faces. We know an
attack is a possibility, but nothing like this has ever happened before.
We disorderly rush
down the winding marble stairs to the school’s basement. An area created to
hold broken computers and extra flash drives is now holding 500 petrified
students and 30 distraught teachers. It’s almost ironic, how in the midst of
all this, everything is still light and bright. It’s almost like the concept of
color just… disappeared. Ever since we went to war with our neighboring
nations, everything’s been so strict and, well, boring. Walls painted a crisp white, uniforms
starched with our own silver number on the back. Skylights going through all
five floors to the very top of the building. This is how we will wait and watch
for the next nuke.
Huddled up, we
contact our parents. 1000 little holograms of stressed out mothers and fathers
fill the room. There is no point in being quiet, as we all know our fate.
Everyone is so focused on their parents reassuring them it will be okay, nobody
notices the next falling object but me. This one is ten times bigger, already
letting out forest green, ghastly fumes before it even touches the dry, singed
ground. But, it never does. It hits the glass roof of our school instead. Murky
gas fills every corner and crevice of the room.
I look to my brother, Caleb. He looks terrified. How could I let this
happen? I’m supposed to protect him when our parents aren’t with us. I’ve
failed. He drops to the ground, his knees collapsing under him.
¨NO! CALEB!¨ I
scream. People start clumsily falling to the cement floor all around me. All of
kindergarten is dead already. They couldn’t handle the fumes. Everyone else
eventually starts dropping too, like Raggedy Ann dolls. The basement fills with
piles of unlucky people in the wrong place at the wrong time. I look to
Samantha. She’s sat pressed up against a laptop charging cart opposite me,
trying to contact her mom. There’s no use, I think. She’s probably
already dead. Samantha and I are one
of the last few alive.
“Never thought it
would actually happen,” she scoffs, breaking the deadly silence.
“Yeah…” I sigh,
defeated. I look down. She goes back to nervously tapping on her screen. I plop
down, pushing bodies out of the way and start to sob. How could this happen?
I think. How could our nation get to this position? I slump over, awaiting my ultimate
demise. I think of my favorite memories. If I’m going to die at 18, I’m going
to die reminiscing about my happiest days.
I think back to learning to ride my first hoverboard, and programming my
first computer. Kindergarten was such a fun year…
A wave of nausea
hits me. My head throbs and my legs and arms go completely numb. I feel my
knees buckle, and I go down, my head laying sideways on the floor. I take one
last heartbreaking look around. Maybe if there wasn’t so much war in our nation
none of this would've ever happened. Maybe everyone would still be alive. The
room spins and gets darker and darker and-
-Sadie Blattstein
I liked your intro it was very engaging to me and I liked what you said like “Did you see the news last night? You’d think by the year 2093 we’d have this whole nuclear war situation figured out", I thought the central idea was what would happen if we did not go to war and mabey there would be more people alive to this day. "Our nation needs to get its act together" .Thats what I thought was the central idea of the story.
ReplyDeleteThroughout the entire story you use very descriptive language that really helped me understand the story. One example of great language is, "An area created to hold broken computers and extra flash drives is now holding 500 petrified students and 30 distraught teachers."The words petrified and distraught gives me a good understanding of how all of the people feel.
ReplyDeleteIn this story, you used a variety of strategies, to "paint a picture" for the reader. "Murky gas fills every corner and crevice of the room." In this example, you used sensory language to describe what the main character was seeing when the basement was engulfed in the gas.
ReplyDeleteYou brought the story to life with sensory and figurative language throughout your piece. One line supporting sensory language is, "High pitched sirens blare outside, so shrill we have to cover our ears just to think. Panicked, everyone springs up and hustles to the door, hands tightly cupped over our ears." Then a supporting line for figurative language is, "Everyone else eventually starts dropping too, like Raggedy Ann dolls." I could really feel the distraught the character was feeling in the final five paragraphs. Great job on this piece!
ReplyDeleteI think in your piece you filled it with a lot of figurative language and sensory language. That really made the piece shine. One way you used figurative language was, "Everyone else eventually starts dropping too, like Raggedy Ann dolls." This quote made me imagine what the character was seeing and feeling. A way you used sensory language was,Everyone is so focused on their parents reassuring them it will be okay, nobody notices the next falling object but me. This one is ten times bigger, already letting out forest green, ghastly fumes before it even touches the dry, singed ground. But, it never does. It hits the glass roof of our school instead." This quote makes me see what the character is seeing when the nuke reaches the roof. Your piece was very good and the great language made it even better.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your use of figurative language throughout the story. It really set the scene and gave me good sense of the future. One piece in particular was:" It pounds the ground in an explosive crash of green gas and shrapnel." The central idea of this story would have to be the negative impact of war on the entire world. In this story, innocent lives are lost because of the war. In the text it says:"Maybe if there wasn’t so much war in our nation none of this would've ever happened. Maybe everyone would still be alive." I think this is a cautionary tale to the negative side effects if we continue in our current political climate.
ReplyDelete-David Zhang
I love your story its very sad but also very true at the same time. Based on central Idea I think the lesson is that we use technology everyday, and if don't use this technology the right way it will end up hurting everyone.
ReplyDeleteYour piece was wonderful to read. You had a great voice and amazing sensory language. A line from you piece that shows sensory language is,"Everyone else eventually starts dropping too, like Raggedy Ann dolls." This line really helped me picture the characters and the action that they were doing. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteYour piece is amazing! I could really feel how she was feeling in the last paragraph with your use of sensory language. "A wave of nausea hits me. My head throbs and my legs and arms go completely numb. I feel my knees buckle, and I go down, my head laying sideways on the floor." Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteI loved you piece! You used a lot of sensory language. The line "Walls painted a crisp white, uniforms starched with our own silver number on the back", really helped me envision the setting and what the characters looked like.
ReplyDeleteYour piece was very well written! I loved your use of similies, especially "Everyone else eventually starts dropping too, like Raggedy Ann dolls.". This allowed me to envision what was going on in such an emotional scene of your book. A message I was able to conduct, based on the central idea was, was we need to sort out the problems with our country now, so things like nuclear war are avoidable in the future.
ReplyDeleteGreat work Sadie! You used loads of sensory language. The line "Walls painted a crisp white, uniforms starched with our own silver number on the back", really helped me envision the setting and what the characters looked like.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the ending of the story. It had emotion and it also portrayed everything descriptively. By saying "A wave of nausea hits me. My head throbs and my legs and arms go completely numb. I feel my knees buckle, and I go down, my head laying sideways on the floor. I take one last heartbreaking look around. Maybe if there wasn’t so much war in our nation none of this would've ever happened. Maybe everyone would still be alive. The room spins and gets darker and darker and-"
ReplyDeleteI really like this because this is something that I would imagine the ending to be like.