“Yo, you’re the new
kid, right?” I turned to see who was screaming at me now.
“Um, me?” I asked
pointing to my chest.
“Ya, you. What’s your
name again? Anthony?” the tough kid replied, looking down upon me from his high
standing point.
“Actually, it’s Alex,
but you can call me Anthony if that makes you happy,” I said shyly, hoping he
would just walk and leave it at that so I could go back to hiding in this new
school. But instead of just walking away, whoever this kid was decided it would
be fun to draw more attention towards me.
“That’s right. I will
call you whatever I feel like calling you… Anthony,” he said, acting like the
toughest kid in the world, which quite frankly he could have been. He was like
six foot and all muscle. “Anyone wanna call the new kids names with me?” he
screamed as if my day wasn’t going bad enough already.
“You get away from him!
You hear me?!?!” I heard from behind me. I turned around to see a----- short
girl with glasses?
“Awww, you got your
little girlfriend backing you up now, do ya?”
“Doesn’t matter if I’m
his girlfriend or if I’ve never seen him before. He’s trying to get through the
first day of school just like the rest of us, so don’t you be going and giving
him a hard time,” the girl shot back without a stutter. It was like she was
reading straight off a script printed in bold letters in front of her.
“You don’t ha----” I
started to say before she cut me off.
“Yes I do, I know how
it feels to be the new kid getting made fun of. So just shut up and go along
with me,” she said.
“You guys done with
your little side conversation over there? I need to knock a little sense into
your good friend Anthony over there,” he said.
“First off, that ‘Anthony’
over there is named Alex, and you aren’t going to be calling him anything
besides that. And secondly, you need to get a life if you find enjoyment from
making fun of people who have done nothing to you,” she shot back like a
slingshot.
“Yo Liza… chill. I was
just trying to have a little fun,” he said as he turned to walk away but
stopped short to add one last comment. “And I do have a life. The life of
Conner is the best life,” he said, pointing both of his thumbs towards his
chest as he finally walked away.
“Just walk away and don’t
come back!” Liza called after him.
“Woah… thanks. No one
has ever stuck up for me like that before. I have moved around quite a bit, so
I’m used to being the new kid who gets made fun of and not having any friends,”
I told Liza once Conner was around the corner of the locker filled hallway.
“Well this time it’s
going to be different. You might not end up being friends with everyone in the
school. Especially Conner, but you can be friends with me… if you want to that
is,” Liza told me in a much softer voice than she had used on Conner.
“Of course!” I said
instantly, sounding a little over excited at first. “I’m Alex, and I’d love to
be your friend,” I said, holding my hand out for her to shake.
“And I’m Liza, your new
best friend,” she said, taking my hand. For the first time this new school wasn’t
all that bad.
-Kailey Jacobson
Kailey, I loved your piece! It was very realistic which made it easy to visualize. I liked how you described the girl speaking, "It was like she was reading straight off a script printed in bold letters in front of her." and, "she shot back like a slingshot" Great job with these similes. Awesome work!!
ReplyDeleteKailey, I really enjoyed your piece. I loved how you showed the central idea of friendship through Alex and Liza fighting Connor. I enjoyed when Liza said "He’s trying to get through the first day of school just like the rest of us." You did a great job of explaining how Liza and Alex became friends.
ReplyDeleteKailey, you had a great story that was really short but got to the point quickly. I really like how you did something that is a common problem everywhere. I thought your central idea was bullying. It happens to kids everywhere that are just joining new schools. I really liked the message you put into my head and probably lots of other heads. I liked your message of just trying to be nice to new people you don't know and don't let the get bullied and made fun of because their
ReplyDeletenew.
Good job Kailey! I love the part in your story where you say, "she shot back like a slingshot." Using figurative language helps show the effect and it helps readers picture it in their minds better. Also, when you said "down upon me from his high standing point," it helped me understand the physical characteristics of this character better.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece! It is very believable and is easy to picture. I like how clear the message is and how you can relate to the story line. It shows that you should stand up for people and give them a chance, people can surprise you if you let them.
ReplyDeleteKailey, I like how you used language to develop the character's personalities. A few examples of this is “Yo Liza… chill," and when Liza was talking in a soft tone. You described what the characters were doing really well when you said "pointing both of his thumbs towards his chest as he finally walked away,"and " I said instantly, sounding a little over excited at first". I really like this piece, good job!
ReplyDeleteKailey, your piece was very well thought out. Its obvious how much effort you put in to make the characters come alive. Also some of the conversations were very realistic like when Liza was told to chill or when Liza told Alex to just walk away. Overall it was a very strong piece.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece Kailey. I really liked how you were able to get right to the topic. I think the central idea could be either bullying or friendship because Aliza says "I'm Liza, your new best friend." But she also sticks up for Alex because he is getting bullied. Good job!
ReplyDeleteQuality piece Kailey. I like how you used lots of descriptive language to describe the bully at the beginning. For example, "the tough kid replied, looking down upon me from his high standing point," and "he said, acting like the toughest kid in the world, which quite frankly he could have been."
ReplyDelete