So,
This Christmas
Ch.1)
The House of Means, Greeds, the Checkers
So there we were.
Dragging our bodies down those dark and street-light infested streets. Of
course, I wasn’t alone, I was with my dork of a brother. Yes, just two children
(one 14, one 10), walking down those streets of Brooklyn. Downtown Brooklyn. We
were about to return to a house of trudging demons.
You may ask, “Where are
your parents?” Truth is, I don’t know.
We’re orphans. We’re not the nicest or smartest kids, but let me tell you, we’re
courageous and strategic, for we had already been through six (about to be
seven) foster homes. It doesn’t matter what people think of me. Nope. Not one
bit of my blood-pumping, disgusting looking heart cares. My brother, on the
other hand, has doubts. When his blood boils he’s the feistiest ten-year-old
ever.
We were still walking;
it was about 6:30 pm, and we were coming to an intersection. Metal on wheels
was bustling and thronging the intersection. After all, it was winter, and
families were traveling to and from destinations to see relatives. The air was
frosted and reeked like exhaust. The ground was covered in white and brown
slush, which you can’t help but step in without intention.
Yet, you draw back to
the question of, “where are you trying to go?”
Caleb and I were taking a nice amble from our school. No, we didn’t get
out late, and we usually don’t walk. We missed the bus on the coldest night of
December, unfortunately. It was as cold as icebergs covered in antifreeze. We
called Mr. and Mrs. Checker to come get us, but they were too tied up in
Christmas, Kaci, and Anthony. So there we were, about to cross that dirty and
polluted intersection.
Finally, we made it.
Not to “the house” exactly, but the street next to it. That street seemed peaceful,
calm, and well-respected. So did ours, I guess, but not “the house” in
particular.
There we were. We
arrived at the most pathetic house in all of Brooklyn. “The Checkers’.” We
continued to walk up the water-corroded, concrete stairs to find a nicely set
up porch. I was skeptical to walk on those stairs because it felt like we were
walking on pillow tops of moss. We stared forward to find a white metal door
with an umbrella shaped window. Caleb and I continued to walk persistently. We
finally hit the lit-up, yellow doorbell hesitantly. And, there they were.
“Where were you?” asked
Mrs. Checker.
“Walking,” I replied. “We’re
frostbitten red.”
“You should’ve worn a
heavier jacket,” replied little snot-nosed Anthony.
“Listen, you wouldn’t
know the struggle,” I said. “We’ve had the same hoodies for months, and no one’s
cared to buy us a jacket.” I rotated to the right to see my little brother
about to snap. His face was bright red, and tears drew to his eyes.
Kaci and I differed the
most, as I was into sports and outdoor activities and she was into barbie dolls
and princess dresses. Kaci was much prettier than me with straight blonde hair
and blue eyes. I had dark red-brown hair and green eyes. Even though green eyes
are rare and special with only about 2% of the population having them, I had
never felt special with the Checkers.
Caleb and Anthony were
fairly similar in looks. They both had dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. Yet,
Caleb didn’t whine every two seconds over the smallest of things.
“You have chores,
Chloe,” said Mrs. Checker.
“Why do I do
everything?” I asked. “Ask your overly petty daughter to do something!”
“You take that back!”
Mrs. Checker said, glancing over at Kaci as she made herself “cry.”
“No!” I screamed
loudly. “You always treat me like a piece of garbage!”
I
scurried upstairs, made an abrupt left, ran down the hallway with loud,
strident floor boards into one of the smaller rooms, and slammed the door. That
room just so happened to be mine. It’s not your typical 14-year-old girl room.
I sleep on a futon, because you know, real beds are irrelevant to teenagers. I
hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in months. I was lucky to have a pillow in that
house of brats and greedy people. Even that pillow was adamantine. It was like
a boulder in cloth.
I wanted a lot of
things that Christmas, but I usually had gotten the hand-me-downs from the past
year’s Christmas’. Or better yet, they’d usually be wrapped in Christmas paper.
An utmost tease! The Checkers were as cold as the below average temperatures we
had been receiving.
I hated that house, I
hated that life, I hated that “family.” It was all fake, fake, and more fake.
But, what was I to do?
-Kaylynn Buonpastore
Fantastic writing, Kaylynn! I like how you involve the reader by pointing out questions readers may have so that you can then answer them. ( Example: "Yet, you draw back to the question of, where are you trying to go?" ) You used similes such as, "It was as cold as icebergs covered in antifreeze," and "It was like a boulder in cloth," to bring your story to life and make it easier to imagine. I infer that your message will be "Learn to accept yourself despite what other think about you," because in this chapter the main character says that she "had never felt special with the Checkers"; I think Chloe will learn that she is special, despite that fact that her foster family doesn't support or value her.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you kept mature vocabulary throughout your whole story. I love how you said "Dragging our bodies down those dark and street-light infested streets." It shows that the characters are tired and barely have the strength to carry themselves. I think the message could be that even if you have a bad life where people don't support you it is better to stay alive and suffer through the hard times because you can't do much about anything at the moment. The line "I hated that house, I hated that life, I hated that “family.” It was all fake, fake, and more fake. But, what was I to do?" supports my message because you are going through a tough time, but what can you do about it?
ReplyDeleteI think the message in this fabulous piece is very clear. Obviously, Chloe is feeling helpless and alone in a world of people who don't care for her. One line that supports this is "I hated that life, I hated that life, I hated that 'family.' It was all fake, fake, and more fake. But what was I to do?" The line "'We're frostbitten red.' 'You should have worn a heavier jacket,' replied little snot-nosed Anthony" shows that the people surrounding Chloe do not have sympathy for her or care for her in the way they would care for their own family member.
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ReplyDeleteKaylynn, your writing is exceptional, especially your vocabulary! I’d like to touch on the central idea I picked up: individuality. A line that led me to this conclusion is, “Kaci and I differed the most, as I was into sports and outdoor activities as much as Kaci was into barbie dolls and princess dresses.” This conclusion led me to believe the message is about staying true to yourself, no matter how much the people around you beg you to conform. In our own lives, we shouldn’t let what everyone else does influence how we respect and show our own unique personalities. A line backing up this message is, “‘No!’ I screamed loudly. ‘You always treat me like a piece of garbage!’” This line really shows how Chloe will not do as she is told instead of expressing herself. Great job with this piece, Kaylynn!
ReplyDeleteWOW Kaylynn great story! You really made me want to keep reading. I love your use of mature vocabulary throughout the story. You really brought the setting of your story to life while I was reading. The central idea your story has is gratitude. The line that made me infer that central idea was gratitude "I was lucky to have a pillow in that house of brats and greedy people." Great story!
ReplyDeleteNice job! You used a lot of description and sensory language to bring the story to life. It helped me understand the feelings of the character, and her stance in the story. Such as , “ Not one bit of my blood-pumping, disgusting looking heart cares.”, and “ I was skeptical to walk on those stairs because it felt like we were walking on pillow tops of moss.” The was she described somewhat normal things, helped me understand how she feels about herself and her setting.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your story Kaylynn! As the story progressed, I felt more and more upset at the conditions that Chloe and her brother had to deal with because they were foster children. I think that a message for this story could be: stand up for yourself and what you believe in. A line that backs up this message is, “Why do I do everything?” I asked. “Ask your overly petty daughter to do something!”. This was an important line because it showed Chloe becoming fed up from being 'walked on' by her foster family.
ReplyDeleteKaylynn, I really love your story it kept me wanting to read more! I enjoyed your figurative language here. In this line it says, "Metal on wheels was bustling and thronging the intersection." This really shows me how busy and wild the intersection is. I can just imagine! And in this line, "I was lucky to have a pillow in that house of brats and greedy people. Even that pillow was adamantine. It was like a boulder in cloth." this shows me how the foster parents treat her, how she feels about it, and how they pillow feels through a simile! Overall great job! I want to read more!
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