I squeezed my eyes shut
as tight as I could. My heart banged in my head, and I inhaled in short, ragged
breaths. I clutched tightly onto the jagged rocks, as if I was clinging on for
my life, and I thought that I was at that moment. I remained motionless and
frozen and forced myself to breathe slowly. A minute went by.
I was on a rock
climbing wall, only about four feet above the ground.
“Keep going!” the
instructor said. “You’re doing great!”
I immediately shook my
head without hesitation. Still refusing to open my eyes, I attempted to climb
back down, only to feel my hands shake from terror. I screamed as I fell to the
ground, bracing myself for the moment I hit the floor. I was caught by the
safety rope on my harness less than a second later and slowly pulled down to
the ground. I continued to hyperventilate as I crouched on the floor, trying to
fight back tears.
Most people would’ve
loved to come to a rock climbing center after school daily, but for me it was a
punishment, and I loathed the place even more every day. I always hated when
people tried to help my fear of heights. I hated how everyone was focused on
just me as soon as I stepped into the massive building. While all of my friends
were out together on a sunny, pleasant day, I was trapped inside the brightly
colored room, and although it was enormous, it was a confining prison. Each
wall was a different sickening neon color dotted with a rainbow of rocks.
Intense, blazing lights gleamed like spotlights from the ceiling, which never
failed to give me a headache. The instructor, along with everyone there, acted
too nice, which always made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I
just wanted to be ‘normal’ and free of my phobia. I missed the old days when I
was put through virtual reality simulations because I was able to pretend and
fake that I was improving. Now there was no escape, and I really had to face my
fear, and the truth.
The instructor walked
over to me.
“You were doing so
good!” she said. “How about we try just one last time?”
I knew that I wouldn’t
be able to talk my way out of it, so I silently got back up, avoiding eye
contact. With my head throbbing and knees wobbling, I was immediately
overwhelmed with a wave of dizziness, which made me look like a person trying
to walk for the first time.
Shivering, I walked
back to the wall and began to climb, each rigid rock biting into my skin as I
gripped it, reminding me of the fact that I was escalating higher and higher
with every single one. The panic began to set in not long after, and I grew
extremely lightheaded. My muscles tensed and froze, and I squeezed my eyes shut
again. I couldn’t breathe or move. I wanted to scream but couldn’t make one
sound. I clutched the rocks harder until I was convinced my hands were about to
bleed. I was soon in the exact same spot and mindset that I was in for the past
month.
“Keep going!” the
instructor called again. By now, I had memorized everything that was going to
happen, and it was all playing out perfectly. I was going to give up once more,
and the instructor would sigh and say that we’ll try again tomorrow. It had
always been like that, and I knew that it would always be. I was about to
surrender when I realized the mistake I had been making this whole time.
With my eyes still
closed, I paused in my place, still clinging onto the wall. The chilling
silence in the air was still agonizing. I waited, forcing myself to calm down
and breathe normally for once. I slowly opened my eyes, telling myself to not
look down. Hesitantly, I looked up at the mountain of colorful rocks in front
of me, and with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one.
-Ellen Chaing
Ellen, I really liked your story! I think the central idea of your story is fear. I believe your message is to never give up and keep trying because one day you will get there. A line to support this is " By now, I had memorized everything that was going to happen, and it was all playing out perfectly. I was going to give up once more, and the instructor would sigh and say that we’ll try again tomorrow." and "I looked up at the mountain of colorful rocks in front of me, and with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one." I can apply this to my own life because whenever I''m afraid to do something, I get in a habit of being afraid to do it, but then I realize that I will never accomplish it if I don't at least try. Overall I really liked your story!!
ReplyDeleteI liked this fiction piece. I found a figurative language line and it was, " I clutched tightly onto the jagged rocks, as if I was clinging on for my life..." Also, I liked how it was about someone who had Acrophobia (Fear of heights) and he was being made to get over his Acrophobia.
ReplyDeleteWow, this was really outstanding. One line that I particularly enjoyed was, "Shivering, I walked back to the wall and began to climb, each rigid rock biting into my skin as I gripped it, reminding me of the fact that I was escalating higher and higher with every single one." This is a really good use of sensory language. It really helped me feel like I was their at that moment experiencing the rock climbing.
ReplyDeleteAmazing piece! A line that stood out to me was, "With my head throbbing and knees wobbling, I was immediately overwhelmed with a wave of dizziness which made me look like a person trying to walk for the first time." The absolutes do a wonderful job of giving the reader a sense of what the character is going through and how they're feeling.
ReplyDeleteA central idea I take out from this piece is will. Two lines that brought me to this central idea is "I was going to give up once more, and the instructor would sigh and say that we’ll try again tomorrow," and "I was about to surrender when I realized the mistake I had been making this whole time." These lines show me that all this time the main character didn't have the will to do it. They were so used to the same old routine, and they never had the will to do something different. But at this moment something happened inside of them, giving them the will to continue forward and try it. A message I infer is that you shouldn't be afraid to try new things. One line that supports this is, "Hesitantly, I looked up at the mountain of colorful rocks in front of me, and with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one." The entire story the main character fears heights, and doesn't want to climb up. When they actually do however, they start to smile, like they enjoy it. All they had to do was try.
ReplyDeleteEllen, this piece was really good! The central idea that I got from this piece was courage. The line,"Hesitantly, I looked up at the mountain of colorful rocks in front of me, and with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one." brought out that central idea. I think the lesson you are trying to show is, you cannot let fear get in the way of what you want. The lines," I just wanted to be ‘normal’ and free of my phobia." and, " I had memorized everything that was going to happen, and it was all playing out perfectly. I was going to give up once more, and the instructor would sigh and say that we’ll try again tomorrow. " both showed me how the character was letting fear get in the way of what they longed to be. I can apply this to my life by making sure that my fears do not get in my way of what I desire to do or be. Good Job!!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story! I think the central idea was victory. I think this because after so much failure ("I screamed as I fell to the ground"), the main character was finally able to say, at the end, "with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one."
ReplyDeleteEllen, I loved your writing! I feel like your writing is offering the central idea of "determination." In your writing you used the lines "I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could. My heart banged in my head, and I inhaled in short, ragged breaths." This represents the high amount of fear the character was feeling. In your fiction, you also included, "Hesitantly, I looked up at the mountain of colorful rocks in front of me, and with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one," which made me draw the conclusion of never giving up. I can apply this central idea to myself when I feel like I'm not strong, smart, or brave enough to accomplish something. Excellent Job Ellen!
ReplyDeleteNice job! I really liked how the description of how the character felt, helped me understand her fear, even if I don't have the same fear. For example the lines “ I clutched tightly onto the jagged rocks, as if I was clinging on for my life, and I thought that I was at that moment.” Helped me understand how hard this was for her, and, “I was trapped inside the brightly colored room, and although it was enormous, it was a confining prison.”, also showed the scale of her issue. It was very relatable even if I didn't also fear heights. Great work!
ReplyDeleteEllen this was so good.I felt like I was right in the moment.I thought the central idea was fear. A line I thought represented fear the most was "I clutched tightly onto the jagged rocks, as if I was clinging on for my life, and I thought that I was at that moment. I remained motionless and frozen and forced myself to breathe slowly." Every word that I read it feel so real. I thought the message was never give up. The line I thought supported this was "Hesitantly, I looked up at the mountain of colorful rocks in front of me, and with a small, courageous smile, reached for the next one." Great job!
ReplyDelete